What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExGirlfriend Back?

My Ex Girlfriend And I Had Sex And She Still Won’t Commit… I’m Confused

So you and your ex girlfriend slept together but despite this incredible act of love she still won’t commit to you.

Oh, and in case you were wondering when I talk about “commitment” I mean that she won’t agree to officially be your ex girlfriend again.

(Glad we got that cleared up.)

That’s where I come in.

I’m going to take you from here,

depressed man

To here,

happy man

But more on that in a second.

I suppose I should start out by saying that you have already accomplished a lot.

In case you haven’t noticed, Ex Girlfriend Recovery is a website that is entirely dedicated to helping men either get over their ex girlfriends or get back with them.

(Though I will admit that most of the visitors who interact with the site are interested in getting their girlfriends back (including you.))

Here’s my point.

Most of the people who I interact with have not advanced as far as you have.

In fact, a lot of them aren’t even on speaking terms with their exes.

But that’s not a problem you are having is it?

Nope, it seems like a lack of communication isn’t your problem.

No, your problem is a lack of commitment.

Anyways, I want to make sure that I am talking to the right people so I am going to put a little disclaimer for those of you who are reading.

Before We Begin I Need To Tell You Something Important

Many men come to this website wanting to get their ex girlfriends back.

But there’s a problem with this line of thinking….

Getting an ex girlfriend back generally isn’t a simple process. It requires a lot of thought, strategy and even a little bit of luck.

The truth is that I can’t tell you everything that you absolutely need to know about getting your ex girlfriend back in this article.

For me to say that I can would be a lie.

Luckily, I have created something that can tell you just about everything you absolutely need to know to get your ex girlfriend back.

You can learn more about it by clicking the button below,

Get Relief Faster With Tactics I Can't Put on the Blog...


The “No Sex” Disclaimer

no sex for you

If you and your ex girlfriend haven’t,

“Done the deed”

“Made love”

“Made whoopee”

“Performed Coitus”

“Bumped Uglies”


“Had A Roll In The Hay”


Ok… I am running out of euphemisms.

Let me spell this out for you.

If you haven’t had sex with your ex girlfriend AFTER the breakup then this article isn’t going to apply to you.

The strategies that I am going to outline for a commitment here apply only to this situation.

The Situation = You Had Sex With Your Ex Girlfriend After The Breakup And She Won’t Commit

Though I will say that some of the things that I am about to teach are golden and can be shaped to fit a lot of situations out there just don’t follow this advice word for word if you aren’t in this situation. I have created tons of guides for tons of different situations and have even written a book.

Ok, that’s my disclaimer.

Lets get down to business.

Why An Ex Girlfriend Who You Just Had Sex With May Not Commit


Commitment is a tricky thing.

The truth is that I have no trouble explaining to a woman why a man won’t commit to them but explaining why a woman won’t commit to a man is kind of tough.


You see, I am a big believer in the words vs actions theory.

Words Vs. Actions Theory- If someone says something measure their actions relating to what they said and if their actions and their words match then they most likely meant what they said.

But having a woman sleep with you and not commit…

Well, that throws a wrench in the actions versus words theory now doesn’t it?

I mean, I can think of no greater act of love and commitment than sex.

So, a woman who sleeps with you and doesn’t want to be considered your girlfriend must be having some type of headwind in her mind that is preventing her from making the leap.

Oh, and in case you are new to the site you will probably hear me talk about headwind a lot.

If you aren’t familiar with the premise here is a brief explanation,

Headwind is defined as,

A wind blowing from directly in front, opposing forward motion.

In other words, if a sailor is in a boat he does not want to sail into a headwind because it’s going to prevent the boat from advancing.

The same principle applies to your ex girlfriend.

If she is facing something that is preventing her from committing to you then that “something” that she is facing would be considered the headwind.

Here are a few examples of headwind that your ex girlfriend could be facing after having sex with you that may prevent her committing to you.

Headwind #1: Determines She No Longer Has Feelings For You

no feelings

One thing you will learn about me is that I am not one to pull punches.

That means that if there is bad news to deliver I have no problem delivering it.

Besides, I feel I would be doing you a disservice if I told you what you wanted to hear all of the time and you were to waste your precious time chasing after a girl who you had no chance of getting back.

So, instead of letting you fall into a depression I am going to turn a negative into a positive.

You see, most people out there who write articles like this just list out the reasons that an ex girlfriend won’t commit to you and are done with it. But I want to go a step further for you (especially in the case of this headwind.) More on that in a second.

First things first, it is entirely possible that your ex girlfriend lost feelings for you.

Why would she even sleep with you in the first place?

Maybe she was trying to verify something.

Maybe she thought that a part of her still had feelings for you and she was trying to work through that. Of course, after sleeping with you she didn’t feel anything.

I have seen this happen with my own eyes multiple times.

So, where does that leave you?

Well, there is no if’s, and’s or but’s about it.

It leaves you in a pretty shitty position.

But like I said above, lets turn a negative into a positive.

In a case like this you are better off not wasting your time. Now, obviously you can but to me the chances of success are so low that you are better off moving on.

So, what I would like to do for you is to identify some of the signs that your ex girlfriend has lost feelings for you so you know whether or not it’s worth campaigning to get her back.

The Signs Your Ex Girlfriend Doesn’t Have Feelings For You Anymore

I like keeping things simple.

I find that, that is particularly rare in today’s day and age. People always like to make things more complicated than they have to be.

So, if you are asking me,

“How do I know if my ex girlfriend doesn’t have any feelings for me?”

There are two big factors that I want you to take a look at.

Factor One: Time…

Factor Two: Effort…

Lets talk about time first.


In my opinion this is the most important factor.

How this works is actually quite simple.

If your ex girlfriend isn’t spending a lot of time with you then she probably isn’t interested in you.

Take a look at this graph,


This graph perfectly encompasses everything I am trying to say to you.

The more time that a girl spends with you the more likely it is that her interest in you will rise.

But I can see how you are confused because after all this article is talking to the men out there who have just slept with their exes and sex eats up a lot of time.

(FYI I am not saying you are a stud who can last for days at all.)

Think back to the day that you had sex with your ex girlfriend.

Chances are that you didn’t just booty call her up. No, I bet you had to work to get her into bed.

You had to spend TIME with each other.

But that graph doesn’t matter for you before you had sex. Nope, we are looking at the time she spent with you AFTER you had sex.

In other words, the graph idea I am presenting above doesn’t officially kick off until after you have sex.

So, if you find that she isn’t spending time with you at all after you slept together then that could potentially spell trouble.

Of course, there is still one other factor that we have to account for.


You see, time alone isn’t enough to determine if a woman has lost feelings for you.

Here is my proof.

What if it isn’t in your ex girlfriends nature to be mean and completely cut you out of her life? Instead, what if she just friend zones you and doesn’t put any effort into cultivating romance with you.

“But Chris… Isn’t it our job to cultivate the romance?”

Well ya… But women are supposed to as well.

This is a relationship… Both parties have to bring some romance to the table.

Those little sexy glances she used to give you… GONE

Those sexy outfits she used to wear just for you… GONE

The “I miss you’s…” GONE

The “I love you’s…” GONE

Are you starting to get the picture?

Her spending time with you doesn’t mean anything if she isn’t taking the effort to make things romantic.

Without these two things then you are nothing more than a friend that she barely keeps in touch with anymore.

And if you do manage to get her to spend time with you but she doesn’t put any effort in then you are in the friend zone.


Lets move on and talk about some of the other headwinds that she may be experiencing that are preventing her from committing to you.

Headwind #2- She Is Scared Of The Past Repeating Itself


Ah the past…

You remember that relationship that you had with your ex girlfriend that failed miserably?

Ya… it’s coming back to bite you in the ass now.

Did you know that on average a human being will have 50,000 thoughts. (source)

To me that’s an absolutely staggering number.

Now here is my question for you.

If your ex girlfriend is having 50,000 thoughts a day what percentage of them are dedicated to thinking about your relationship?

Speaking personally, I have been in situations in the past with my relationships where it seems like all I think about is the situation at hand.

So, I don’t think it’s far fetched for me to assume that your ex girlfriend is putting a lot of thought into the current state of affairs regarding how to handle you (after the two of you slept together.)

Lets just say that 15% of her thoughts in a day are dedicated to you.

That’s 7,500 thoughts…

That’s still a shitload!

Out of all of those thoughts I guarantee that she has at least had this one,

“What if I get back with him and nothing changes? What if we fight just like before? I don’t think I can deal with that again…”

And when she has this thought it worries her and compounds to create more thoughts where she is envisioning a future where the two of you get back together and history repeats itself.

All of a sudden 25% of her thoughts are dedicated to you.

10% of that 25% are bad thoughts about getting back with you.

Do you see how this is dangerous headwind?

Headwind #3- She Is Scared To Bring Up “The Talk”


Imagine something for me.

You and your ex girlfriend have just hooked up and things are great… even after the sex.

She calls you every day and it’s almost like the two of you are dating again.

There’s just one problem.

She hasn’t committed to you yet.


Well, maybe shes afraid of bringing up the talk.

Look, women are taught that MEN (Us) are the ones that have to initiate the commitment talk.

It’s like this unwritten rule in relationships.

Men initiate things and women keep things going after that.

That’s the way it has always worked.

So, why would your situation (you slept with her but she won’t commit) be any different?

Now, I am sure you have heard your fair share of stories of women pushing for a relationship after sex and I would be lying to you if I said it isn’t possible. In fact, there are a lot of women out there that break the unwritten rule and initiate “the talk” themselves and usually this is because men are too afraid to bring it up first.

But not your woman.

Look, this entire article is for women who haven’t committed to you.

So, that tells me that she isn’t going to be the one that will initiate things.

It’s going to have to be you.

Now, I am going to talk about how to have the talk a little later on in this guide so I will save my epic notes for that.

For now, lets move on to the next type of headwind.

Headwind #4- She Is Stubborn

never wrong

Ah a woman after my own heart…

I have been known to be stubborn from time to time.

(Ask my wife…)

Here is the deal with stubborn people.

There are different degrees of stubbornness.

You have those people who are resistant and stubborn at first but after some time passes and they gain some perspective they are willing to change the way they think. Then you have the opposite… the people who stay stubborn no matter what and aren’t willing to back off for anything.

Obviously we are hoping your ex girlfriend isn’t that type of stubborn.

So I have some good news and bad news about “that type of stubborn.”

What would you like to hear first?

The bad news?

The Bad News

If your ex girlfriend is stubborn to the point where she won’t back down for anyone or anything I don’t know if anything can break her down.


These type of people can’t be reasoned with no matter how many incredible points you may make to them.

So that’s the bad news…

Lets get more positive now and talk about the good news.

The Good News

These type of people are extremely rare.

In fact, in all of my life I have only met one person like this… that’s how rare they are.

So, if I were a betting man I would say that your ex girlfriend is willing to change her tune about the commitment thing if she is indeed being stubborn about getting back with you.

And that is very good news for you.

The Friends With Benefits Trap


Alright, there is one more thing that I would like to cover before I start getting to the goods on how to make your ex girlfriend commit to you.

What’s that thing?

The friends with benefits trap.

Right now that is all you and your ex girlfriend are.

You are friends with benefits.

What else would you call it?

Two friends just fu*king?

Ya…. even that’s friends with benefits.

Now, at first glance to us guys it may sound like friends with benefits is kind of awesome.


Because you can sleep with other people while at the same time sleeping with your ex but lets look at the future assuming that, that happens.

Lets say that one day you meet a really pretty girl (who isn’t your ex) and you end up sleeping with her.

Now you have two women who you are sleeping with,

  1. The Pretty Girl
  2. Your Ex Girlfriend

The pretty girl (to you) was nothing more than just a girl to have fun with since in your heart you were always in love with your ex. But lets say that one day your ex girlfriend catches wind that you slept with the pretty girl.

The moment she catches wind of it your chances go from here to here,

here to here

Friends with benefits is a trap.

Realistically there are only two outcomes that can occur,

  1. You end your current relationship (FWB) with your ex and go your separate ways never to be friends again.
  2. You continue to be friends with benefits but never establish a commitment with her… the result? You just are friends without the benefits.

Did you notice that I left something out of these outcomes?

Yup, an outcome that is very unlikely to occur is that your ex girlfriend decides that she is going to commit to you in order to stop you from continuing to sleep with this other girl.

Why isn’t this likely to occur?

Most likely due to the fact that we don’t live in a fantasy world.

Being friends with benefits doesn’t usually lead to a lasting connection like Hollywood wants you to believe.

And if you are serious about winning your ex girlfriend back then the thing you are going to have to get through your head here is that continuing to have sex with her isn’t going to do the trick.

That much is evident when you look at your current predicament.

Your Current Predicament- You had sex with her, right? She hasn’t committed to you, right? BAM… that’s your predicament.

And that leads us to the moment you have been waiting for since you have started reading this guide.

How the hell are you supposed to get her to commit to you?

How To Make Your Ex Girlfriend Commit To You In This Situation

commitment phobes

Now, I don’t want this to be all doom and gloom.

What do I mean by that?

Well, us guys have a tendency to be very hard on ourselves when things don’t go our way and we already know things haven’t gone your way.

So, here is my first piece of advice to you.

Be proud of what you have accomplished this far.

Most men who come to this site have trouble even re-establishing communication with their exes in general but that doesn’t seem to be a problem for you does it?

Nope, I would say that you and your ex have communicated a little too well.

Now, the basic advice I give to a guy who is starting out is pretty generic.

I tell him to follow the no contact rule and then make sure he has some pretty awesome text messages lined up which will ultimately lead to phone calls and then finally a date.

But you are in a very unique situation.

You are WAY past that stuff.

Take a look at the graphic below,


This graphic is meant to represent what’s supposed to happen when you use my strategies.

Obviously, “success” means that you have successfully gotten your ex girlfriend to agree to be in a relationship with you again.

But your graphic doesn’t look like that.

It looks something more like this,


Notice anything different?

Perhaps the “had sex” poorly drawn endless circle?

Well, that’s where you are right now. That poorly drawn endless circle with “had sex” in the middle of it is meant to represent an endless circle… a limbo that you can’t get out of.

Notice how it’s preventing you from getting here,


I am going to teach you a method right now that is meant to get you out of limbo land and get you into the success land.

Are you ready?

The Two Theories

There is one quote that has always stuck in my mind and it’s from Albert Einstein.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

It’s beyond me why you would think that if you continue to sleep with your ex girlfriend that she is going to magically wake up one day and think,

“Wow, I have to lock him down immediately”

When she hasn’t done that already.

No, we need to do something drastic.

What we need to do is re-frame the way she looks at you.

You see, your ex girlfriend looks at you as the guy she can have whenever she wants. There is no challenge there… There is no mystery…. There is nothing of substance from her to gain from dating you.

That’s about to change.

You see, I think the biggest mistake that you made is the fact that you were too available for her.

While that may not be a mistake if you are in a relationship with someone it is when you aren’t.

Weird how humans work that way.

So, a lot of the strategy that I am about to teach you to get her to commit to you is going to be premised on two theories.

Theory One: We need to re-frame the way your ex girlfriend views you.

Theory Two: We need you to be more unavailable.

Lets talk about how you can satisfy theory one.

How To Satisfy Theory One

There are two things that you can do to completely re-frame the way your ex girlfriend views you and you should see an almost immediate effect.

What are those two things.

  1. No More Sex
  2. A Mini No Contact Rule

Lets talk about the no sex thing first.

No More Sex

Borrowing from my earlier point that Mr. Einstein made about insanity we need to change the game up completely. What’s more, we need YOU to be in control of this game change. Now, I am assuming that you and your girlfriend sleeping together wasn’t a one time thing.

If it was then this obviously isn’t going to work as well for you.

But if you were in a friends with benefits situation then this will work really well for you.

The key here is that YOU are the one initiating the “end” in sleeping together.

How do you do this?

Act like nothing is wrong and then when your ex girlfriend starts acting like she wants to have sex with you cut it off immediately.

And be straightforward with her.

I don’t think we should do that anymore

Now, the type of reaction you are going to get from her could be all over the place.

I have seen some women be very respectful and accept the decision to end your sexual relationship and then I have seen some women freak out and get really angry. Don’t let any reaction phase you. In fact, be very indifferent about any reaction you get from her.

You are playing mental chess here and you just made the first move. That’s all that matters.

Lets talk about your next move.

The Mini No Contact Rule

Now, the “normal” no contact rule is pretty much a “must” in the normal game plan for getting your ex girlfriend back and while there is some wiggle room on the time frame that “wiggle room” pails in comparison to the mini no contact rules time frame.

So, the goal we are trying to accomplish here is to make your ex girlfriend look at you in a different way. Right now she thinks that you are a guy that is basically her bitch.


That’s what she thinks.

She thinks that you will respond to her every text in seconds…

That you will pick up your phone the second you see her name flash across your screen…

She thinks that she has you wrapped around her finger and in a way she does. Otherwise you wouldn’t be seeking my advice but that’s besides the point.

We are about to change everything by “falling off the map” for a week.

1 Week = 7 days

So, one day she thinks she has you wrapped around your finger and then ever so slightly she is going to come to understand that nothing she does can make you respond.

She will call… you will ignore.

She will text… you will ignore once more.

She will try to contact you on Facebook…. this is just getting sad.

You want her to sit there wondering if you met someone else…

If she did something wrong…

You want her to have her own mini little freak out.

Oh, and the point of doing this isn’t to make her miss you either like you would expect.

It’s to make a statement.

The Statement = You aren’t as wrapped around her finger as much as she thinks… you aren’t as available for her as she thinks.

Speaking of availability..

How To Satisfy Theory Two

Theory two is powered by the belief that if you are more unavailable than you have been to your ex girlfriend it is going to raise her belief that you are worth committing to.

I know it seems counter intuitive but we are dealing with women here… everything is counter intuitive.

So, how can you appear to be unavailable while at the same time not being so unavailable that your ex thinks that you aren’t interested in her.

Well, that’s where the power of mixed signals comes into play.

We have women to thank for this amazing little trick. In fact this trick has become so powerful that experts who teach men to get women often cite it.

Have you ever heard of the push/pull theory?

Ya… that is totally based on the premise that mixed signals will raise a woman’s attractiveness towards a man.

So, how do the mixed signals work?

How To Successfully Implement “Mixed Signals”

There are two components to mixed signals theory.

Component One = The Positive Signal

Component Two = The Negative Signal

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what a positive signal is versus the negative signal.

Positive = Making your ex girlfriend think she has a chance with you. Includes compliments, romantic gestures, remembering good times together

Negative = Making her think she has no chance with you. Includes standing her up on dates, not responding to her, backhanded compliments, etc

The goal here is to blend the positive and negative signals.

Pretty simple, right?

Well, that’s where this next part comes into play (and the next part is something that NO ONE talks about.)

You ready?

When you first start this strategy it seems relatively easy to understand.

For every negative signal you send to your ex girlfriend you send a positive one and you rinse and repeat.

Well, lets say that you send your ex girlfriend 100 signals throughout a month.

50 are positive


50 are negative

In other words, you are at a standstill. Your ex girlfriend is still clueless as to whether you are into her at not.

That’s why the correct way to use the mixed signals strategy is to ever so subtly pull back on the amount of negative signals you send so eventually at the end you are only sending her positive signals to signify to her that you are indeed into her.

Most men make the mistake of getting caught in this limbo where they send a positive signal and then follow it with a negative one.

While that is a perfect way to start this strategy it’s not a perfect way to end it.

It’s like taking one step forwards and then one step backwards. You are essentially at a standstill.

At the end you need to be taking NO STEPS BACKWARDS.

Got it?


Written by EGR team mate

Chris Seiter

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161 thoughts on “My Ex Girlfriend And I Had Sex And She Still Won’t Commit… I’m Confused”

  1. Alec Arreola

    December 27, 2017 at 5:12 pm

    Hello, my situation is that me and my girlfriend of 3 years broke up. For these 3 years.. she was madly in love with me and would drop everything for me. She does not have a job so apart from College she would stay home and do nothing. She complained that she had no friends and wanted to become more social. Which I agreed on and supported. I have a fantastic relationship with all her family but they obviously take her side. I’m extremely confused because one day we talked, she put a front of not wanting me no more. Yet after about a hour of talking, and telling her my happiness in this space, she started telling me how she missed me and loved me. And that she knew that this was not the end. This was after 5 days no contact. I left her with the message inside her head that if she wants to be my gf that she needs to make the initiative. She completely agreed. On Tuesday (12/26/2017) she called me saying I had left some more things at her house ( the first time we talked was to pick up my belongings) (12/24/2017) I was expecting for her to tell me she missed me and wants me. I was shocked when I grabbed my items and said goodbye that she walked away. As I panicked I asked for her to come to me and talk. She agreed. With the look of happiness in her eyes that I had pulled her back to me I then started to explain my apologies to her from the original conversation. Which was that I had to make no initiative that this was all on her. Through The conversation I made it clear that I am going to make initiative as well and that I truly want to be with her andthat I truly miss her. She was really happy to hear. She then told me that through this time apart that she was enjoying her time that she was actually able to be around her family for the Christmas times and not have to worry about someone else. I made it clear that even if we weren’t to have broken up I would’ve asked her to stay with her family as I stayed with mine. As we continue to talk I started to get cold outside. she then invited me into her house to continue talking. I went to her room and as we started talking I started telling her that I miss her and that I wish things were different and that I wish we had never broken up. Through talking, she reached out and kissed me. I was in a panic state. so that was a reassuring that she wanted me, I give her another kiss back and it eventually lead to sex. At the beginning of the sex everything was going great. we were both very in the moment. Yet she started to look a little confused, I asked her if she felt like this was a bad idea and she responded with a I don’t know, I don’t think were ready for this. I then responded with a “look I’m not going to force you to do anything and I don’t want to play with your emotions”. That considering the fact that we are both naked, I had no problem with getting dressed and continue talking. Which is what we did, in the conversation we talked about things she liked and I reminded her everything I knew about her. I can tell that she loves and misses me through our talking. she has told me that she is very happy with her life at the very moment she has made friends and feels very accompanied. I Explained my happiness for her happiness. She believes in not forcing anything. But she has already told me that she wants to get back together and that she wants to fix things and she’s already told me that she loves me. I believe I am in a better boat than most people after break up. at the moment,things were really hard and we got lost in a lot of situations that we are not able to handle. I reassured her that if we cannot handle it, then we should not worry about it. With all I have to say she agreed. I told her that I will win her back one day and she laughed and was hopeful of what I said. I’m scared though, because I do not want to lose her and have her lose interest for me. I did the no contact and almost every day she somewhat contacted me. I did not respond immediately and In most cases I did not respond at all. I am currently lost at the moment on where we stand. we both agreed that we were not together. Although we did agree that we do have plans on getting back together just when the time is right and we both feel is necessary. And if she finds that she does not want me, she will let me know. I want to make her miss me and be more curious about me. for these reasons I am going no contact again. I want to make her miss me and be more curious about me for these reasons I am going no contact again. She made me feel like she had almost every reason to enjoy life without me. which put me in a panic mode and made me lose my composure on not caring at the moment. I want to do the same in return to make her crave me. More so, I want to be able to return to her a new man and have her be deeply in love with me. What should I do ? Continue no contact and post my good moments on social media ? From the original no contact, she mentioned to me the first time we talked that it seemed like I did not care about our relationship and that I was enjoying my time away from her and that I personally do not want to get back into the relationship and that made her feel extremely horrible. Or should I go no contact and not post anything of what I’m doing ?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      December 30, 2017 at 10:38 pm

      Hi Alec,

      Send a cleannslate text. Tell her she asked for space and you’re going to respect it but being friends is nit workable for you right now and then restart nc, be active in improving yourself and in posting…

  2. Simon

    September 26, 2017 at 10:38 pm

    My gf cheated on me this summer because she didn’t felt appreciated enough. I was away for 5 weeks and haven’t really fulfilled her need of attention which she first let me knew when I came home. A couple of days after my arrival she goes on vacation alone for 3 weeks where she ends up catching feelings and being with another guy that could show her appreciation I guess. (She told me she is still texting with this guy however they could never go serious since he is living in another country 4 hours flight away)
    After she got home and we had “the talk” we texted a bit the next couple of days, where I nextafter was kind of eager to let her know that I wanted to get back together. She said that she was willing to try it but I could sense she wasn’t really in for it. Therefore I called her up a couple a days later, and told her I wanted a break for a week.

    The break ended this last sunday where we both agreed we had been happy and did not “need” each other but I thought it would be shame just throwing everything we build up together away so I suggesting trying again. Since she want to be at a place where she can be total independent and not be held back by anything, she was not fond of it. I then suggested that we basically could be “friends with benefits” however I did not put that concrete. It was more put like “going back to when we first dated when we was not exclusive for each other” – Because that where one of her terms of her new life “to experience the single life” once again. We then discussed the terms that we should be open-mouthed about our needs of this, if we had too much or too little and so on.

    At first I address that I dont need to hear, if she is with another guy but later on she tells me that she wants to hear, if I do or if I starts dating someone at a serious level. We then sleep together and for the first time since she came home it felt like how it used to be – I do not mention it though, only that we had great sex which we always have agreed on and that we had been each others best sex experience.

    It is now Tuesday night (GMT+1) and the only contact we had so far since was her sending a tip earlier this day about an offer for cheap oatmeal at a specific grocery(She know I am sucker for offers) – I made sure to not seem to eager of having a text conversation with her, meaning we only shared a couple of text messages.

    I am still very keen on winning her back! – And my plan was to message her tomorrow evening if she would be down to chill. I am going out both thursday and friday which she knows so I cannot really postpone it on the other side of the weekend. She is starting at some cooking school this Saturday so it would be nice to meet up before she starts filling up her calendar.

    My questions is now:

    1) Is initiating this FWB relationship even a good idea? When I am focusing on get her back
    – If not what should I do instead?
    2) Is setting up the “”date”” tomorrow night even a good idea? Or should I be more unavailable to her.

    I am pretty chill person considered the situation and all but before reading the article: My plan was to seek a lot of attention from other girls both by going out a lot and by grinding on tinder. That would I do until, she either changed her mind or I found someone that I would rather focus on than my ex – and then MABYE in the future we would somehow work things out, when/if the timing was right

    Thanks for all the reading, and I will eagerly wait for your answer

    Best regards,

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      September 29, 2017 at 3:17 am

      Hi Simon,

      did the date went through? why not try the advice above?

    2. Simon

      September 29, 2017 at 11:17 am

      No actually not, she had her sister over that night (She was posting instagram stories like a mental so it was no “bad excuse”)
      What advise do you think about particularly?

    3. EGR Team Member: Amor

      September 30, 2017 at 10:57 pm

      Everything.. 🙂 are you going to start the nc?

  3. Ben

    September 13, 2017 at 6:34 pm

    My ex gf and I dated 3 years. For full disclosure, this wasn’t our first break up, but it felt like the first real one. The first time was a case of her going into auto-rejection because I wasn’t committing as much as her which I fixed. The second time, she expressed doubts and we were apart for only 24 hours. This was the 3rd. Each occured around the 1, 2, and 3 year mark.

    This time, I was 28 days into no contact when my ex used “returning my cologne” as an excuse to meet for coffee. Having felt I did a good job improving/composing myself and making her jealous on social media, I thought I should take the bait.

    We met and chatted for 30 minutes or so. I made a point to come prepared with conversation ammunition tailored to her interests. It was going well enough that I invited her back to my apartment for Mario kart. (I’m in NYC and she’s temporarily living in Jersey an hour away with family, so it seemed like the right choice to continue hanging out while she was in town.)

    She immediately initiated sex herself. And it was passionate. During sex she made several sentimental comments along the line of missing me, etc. But immediately after she acted like it was a bad decision. She made it clear she wasn’t interested in getting back together and left. She then texted me 30 minutes after leaving asking if she could call me later to talk. She did. We felt there was more we wanted to say, so I invited her back over that evening to talk more, but I made light of it saying we could also finally play Mario kart. She expressed concern if it was a good idea….but agreed to coming over with no resistance.

    So that night she came back over. My goal was to create a fun evening and avoid serious relationship talk, but after an hour of having genuine fun playing games/drinking which felt like old times, she wanted to start talking about things again.

    Talking did not go well. Preface: We didn’t have a long conversation when she first broke up with me, because I knew instinctively it would be best not to try and convince her to stay too much, and so I bowed out relatively gracefully. And so it felt like this was the hard conversation we never had, and I lost my composure quickly. She finally broke down her reasons for breaking up….(She had a 3 page list)…and the bitterness I never knew she had became apparent. She was never a good communicator, and I was equally oblivious, so she felt sick of waiting for me to change, and I never knew I needed to. I did end up trying to rationalize with her at this point….we can fix things now, yada yada…..but she didn’t budge, and seemed scarily apathetic about the whole thing at times. I fear she’s one of the stubborn unicorns you’ve mentioned in a blog post. We were both drunk, and the conversation spun in circles until we were both exhausted and it was too late for her to go home. We ended up cuddling most of the night.

    The next morning I had to go to class early (still a bit tipsy from the night before). My ex was planning on sleeping in and leaving before I got back. However, when class was done I knew she was still sleeping because she hadn’t been active on facebook. In an attempt to erase some of the negativity of the night before, I brought her Starbucks in bed, saying I’d rather you leave remembering this gesture instead of last night. We both felt sick from drinking too much, and she ended up staying longer and I didn’t make her leave. ……In fact she ended up staying until about 3:30 pm when I had to leave for my next class. In the meantime, we cuddled more, and reminisced over our happiest memories. She was playing with my hair and holding my hand. I tried to initiate fooling around more, but other than light kissing she wasn’t down. I still thought I was reeling her back in because of the affection and because, you know….SHE WAS STILL IN MY APARTMENT. I even let her stay and take a shower, where she let me join her (if I agreed to not try anything). Then she still wanted to stay longer and asked if I could make her something to eat. While food was cooking, I put on my record player and asked her for one last slow dance. She eagerly joined me, and started crying while we were dancing.

    Afterwards, feeling convicted that she still cares about me, I tried to convince her to get back together again, albeit in a more composed way this time. She seemed more conflicted, but still wouldn’t back down. She kept asking why I would want her back when she’s not willing to put the work in anymore. And I kept saying that she only felt that way because she felt bitter and if I showed her that things would be different she’d be able to invest again.

    I think I almost broke through her headwinds about wasting her time or that things wouldn’t change. But what I couldn’t argue with was her expressed desire to be single right now, have fun with strangers, and go through her transition from recently graduating to getting a job/her own apartment on her own. She framed it as something that wasn’t out of the picture but definitely wasn’t happening right now. She also tried to emphasize that I shouldn’t wait around for her though because she might not come back. I told her it would be best if we blocked each other on social media for now, because that will be easier for me. (I don’t know if that was the right move, but in the moment I felt too defeated to keep playing the game of posting things for her to see.) When she left I kissed her again and she was sad….but she also seemed sure of her decision.

    I just don’t know where to go from here. I am so confused over her signs of still having feelings, while also showing conviction and apathy for being apart. I know another no contact period is the next step….But I don’t know anything beyond that. I’m scared of waiting too little or too long. And I’m scared she will find someone else that she wants more than just a hookup with.

    Thanks for reading, and I will eagerly await your response.



    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      September 15, 2017 at 6:30 pm

      Hi Ben,

      Yep, restart and do at least 30 days and then take it slow in building rapport after nc

  4. Chris

    August 30, 2017 at 12:30 am


    So I have a tricky situation. My ex and I broke up with me last March and I moved out. We are 9 years apart, she is younger. Shes 27 now and Im 36. All summer long we remained friends with benefits and did alot together. Alot of music concerts, eating out at new places, romantic getaways you name it. During that time there was always other guys she was seeing but didnt last long. I attempted to do the same but only dated a few girls very breifly as I was stuck on her. Last Halloween after the party she wanted to get back together and said sorry for everything and knew it would take time to rebuild trust. I didn’t mention when we wernt commited we both were sneaking checking each others phones which would lead into a blow out because most of the time I would find something really bad and it killed me. So we got back together for about 4 months until I found out that she was still communicating with guys she dated that were out of state and Dont think she cheated on me but still hurt. She broke up with me after I confronted her about one night. Since last Feb we have been in the same boat. We will spend weeks together and It’s hard for me to go back to my place as she keeps asking me to go home but I end up staying around. The reason is majority of the time I leave she hooks up with someone she met from work as shes a server or someone she met out. There was a guy she met on a dating app and told me it was becoming serious and she needed to let me go but wanted to remain friends. She said she told him that I would always be in her life no matter what. I did the NC after I saw something on her phone about that guy. She pretty much had a dream that I died in a car accident and called me crying but sent that guy the same message? So I went NC for 7 days the first day I just left her house and she blew me up saying “What did I do?” Please answer? Chris please call me back? Message loud and clear? Chris please talk to me? Your going to do this on my double shift? I can have you around my friends and family and now this? I told her I wish the best but tired of feeling this way. I wish her the best and I’m your # 1 fan. Then nothing for 7 days until she calls me about her car broken down balling her eyes out. I said I’m sorry and that I wanted to remain friends and have her in my life. We met up for dinner and back in the same boat. I do take her out and do things to rebuild our relationship but it always comes back to a fight or something when she meets a guy. I can almost feel the distance she starts to do towards me when she meets someone. It’s like she will meet a guy and text for a few weeks or less then meet up and hook up. The tough part about this is we are super close. We have that best friend time of relationship even now. People we hang out with talk about how amazing we are as a couple then find out we arnt together and are flabber gastid. We talk about things on occasion about places we want to travel to and business ideas we want to do. It’s crazy because it feels like we are boyfriend and GF without the commitment. She is a jealous girl but I just am not the guy to try and make her jealous or nervous on how to do it. Please help me as Ive been doing this for almost a year and a half. What should I do??

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      August 31, 2017 at 8:52 pm

      Talk to her that the current situation is not workable for you because it’s not what you want out of a relationship.. And that you’re stopping it and moving on.. And then start nc and do it right

  5. Ostine

    July 24, 2017 at 10:33 am


    Broke up with my girl 2 months back and we had been dating for four months prior to that.. she started seeing someone a month later and made it public exclusive.
    Says i didn’t give her time and didn’t understand her. Last week she came to my town and we had sex then went to dinner where she cried that she wishes we never got to the place we did. she stayed at my place despite having booked an air bnb.
    I still want her back but don’t know how we can make it work as she’s seeing someone else. Why did she come and hook up with me?

    What should be my next plan of action?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      July 27, 2017 at 5:56 pm

      Hi Ostine,

      The other guy is a rebound..are you going to do the no contact rule?

  6. Jordan

    July 22, 2017 at 9:25 am

    So me and my gf of two years broke up, the break up was caused by her meeting another guy but as well as me being a crappy bf to her. I wasn’t the bf I should have been. I didn’t treat her very good at all. The break up made me realize so many things. Like how I took her for granted and how badly I treated her and how I should have been treating her. I went directily into NC for about a moth. After a month my ex calls me and asks how everything is doing ( her and her rebound didn’t work out. The guy ended up playing her) she ended up texting me and calling me one night asking how I was doing and seeing what was going on in my life. So I talked to her for a while and kinda caught up on things . I woke up that next morning and sent a really long text explaining my feelings toward the whole situation prettt much saying I don’t believe in being friends with your ex and would appreciate it if she didn’t contact me unless it was an emergency. She replied by saying “ok” two days pass and she calls me again as if nothing ever happened Talking to me and asking how everything’s been. She asks me to come by a week later and we end up having sex. She gave me a kiss and hug goodbye when it was time for me to leave. Ever since then it’s just been like a friend relationship. We text every day pretty much. Hang out here and there. I stay the night once and a while but no sex. No cuddling no nothing. Just sleep in the same bed. She’s a very attractive women so it’s not hard for her to find another guy or replace me. Actually constantly has a lot of guys hitting on her and messaging her but for some reason only wants me around. I don’t believe in being friends with your ex what so ever and every time I try and explain this to her and tell her not to contact me unless she plans on working things out and she always says okay. But a few days later I get that text/call that I just can’t say no to. When I asked her if she every plans on getting back together she says yeah possibly just not right now She wants to see that I have changed. She also explains that she’s 21 years old and hasn’t been single in 6 years and that she just needs time alone to be free where she’s not tied down, she went on a date with another guy a few weeks ago but that was it. No sex no nothing and didn’t change anything between us. She still contacts me everyday. I tell her I can’t do it anymore and that we shouldn’t talk but yet she can’t stay away from me. And obviously neither can I. I never ever make first contact. Not once. When I’m away from her and not contacting her everything’s fine. But when I get around her all my emotions go thru the roof and I just miss what we use to have. I’m so mind fucked and confused on what’s going on and even more confused on what to do. I understand where she’s coming from on wanting to be single for a while and how she’s only 21 ( I’m 24) but I don’t understand what she’s trying to do with me or what she want from me. She says she still loves me. I told her 100x that I don’t want no part of the friend zone and she always tell me that I’m not in the friend zone. Obviously she still care about me and can’t let me go. But I just need to know wether or not to cut her off and move on ( witch I feel im capable of) or to stick things out and be there for her. I really love this girl so much and want things to work out but I also don’t wanna get hurt at the end of everything. I need some advice.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      July 26, 2017 at 4:24 pm

      Hi Jordan,

      If you want to get her back, restart the nc and do at least 21 days and then slowly rebuild after.. Dont tell her that you want to be friends or not. Just build rapport and attraction slowly while continuing to improve yourself

  7. EGR Team Member: Amor

    July 19, 2017 at 1:05 pm

    Hi Johnny,

    just keep building rapport.. make her miss you sometimes too.. don’t be too available.. take it slow.

  8. John

    June 22, 2017 at 2:33 am

    I am looking for a bit of advice. 3.5 months ago my Ex opened my phone and saw that I was heavily flirting with a woman from my past, I have not seen this woman in 10 years, I emotionally betrayed her. Over the last 3.5 months she has come back to me 5 times, the latest time was a trip out of town which was her idea, we spent a weekend away. During our weekend she had said we were back together, that this was a makeup trip. Then just as she has done every time she pulled back again 5 days later,,, This last pull back has crushed me, I committed every mistake over the last 3.5 months then in the ensuing days after the pullback committed most of them again. We were still seeing eachother.. Now we have mutually agreed to no contact over the next 17 days, during our conversation she said she had doubts that we could get back together again, I agreed with her. She told me she wants me to take this time to become “me” again, stop being “weird”. The plan is on day 17 to go to a Concert that we both want to see… We have had sex several times since the breakup, I have been pushy and clingy over the last couple weeks leading up to NC… How should that text look for the concert, “Hi, what time can I pick you up? or I will pick you up between 4 and 5… Then just leave it? I am starting to feel better during NC, I can see how I pushed her away… I did emotionally betray her, but there was no physical cheating, I’m not feeling desperate or obsessive anymore.. But she did create some of these feelings with so many mixed signals… Anyway, if she responds negatively to the concert text I am going to go back in to NC for the full 30 days if not longer… I think this relationship is mendable, we did not fight prior to this, we had a very loving relationship…. What are your thoughts?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      July 6, 2017 at 4:27 pm

      i think you should start the nc after the concert

  9. Jesse

    June 6, 2017 at 10:31 am

    Hi EGR, I’ll just give it a shot maybe you’ve got some advice for me.
    So me and my ex had been together for about 6 years and we’ve known each other for at least 8 years.
    3 years ago we had a kid wich wasn’t planned at all and I was scared shitless.. cheated on her and did the most horrible things a boyfriend can do while she was expecting and even somewhat after. I used to smoke a lot of weed and cigarettes to bury my own dissatisfaction with myself and my life. It took me a long time getting used to being a father. I’m 25 now, she is 23 and our son is almost 3. So after putting her trough so much bullshit I quit cheating on her but I still was too passive and unwilling to really give it my all in the relationship due to still smoking too much weed and all. I was really a horrible person but I began to notice that I started to get back to the person I once was for her. SO thats when I finally find the will and power to give up smoking weed and cigarettes and tried to show her immediately that I cared for us and wanted to be together for real and be a more happy, positive and active boyfriend this time around. I found out that stopping with the marihuana really did a lot for my consciousness and my emotions towards her and my family. and just life allround. So just when I had this new mind state en will…. she broke up with me, saying we couldn’t grow together anymore and we both need a lot of time. of course I disagreed but I told her I DO RESPECT her decision because I realize more than I ever have what a scumbag I was and what I did to her.
    So since she broke up with me, we’ve still talked for a bit, I send some messages about missing her but she didn’t get in to responding to my actual message, just some small talk and talking about our kid. She was always the one asking me and chasing me and pulling me when I was too passive and smoked-out. Now she doesn’t do this anymore and I’m just stuck thinking how to fix it. I still quit smoking and I will not start again, I picked up doing sports and trying to get my mind focused on making progress in myself so she would notice. Last sunday she called me at 3:30 at night when she was out partying and came over to my house, we had some sex en went to sleep, she had to leave early in the morning because our son was at his grandma’s house. Now should I show that I’m not the passive guy anymore and want to spend all the time in the world with my girl and my son and just being together really makes me happy, I want to grow together and overcome those hurdles together and prove to her that I really loved her all along despite my faults before all this. I understand the effect of NC or MC… but it’s all I think about and I think she might think that I’m still not really into her and being with her as I do this. I stopped talking about missing her and loving her and wanting to get back together, but I still send an occasional text and I do respond to her messages. I don’t want to get friend zoned, I really have a lot to show and prove but I am willing and I’m able. please help me with some advice..

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      June 16, 2017 at 4:20 pm

      if you really dont want to be friendzoned and taken for granted..start the limited no contact period and do at least 30 days

  10. Jay

    March 27, 2017 at 10:54 pm

    Me and my ex fiance been broken up for 4 months officially, share two kids and the break up felt like 7 months due to no sex recently meaning today we had sex thought it was about time and was a good thing only immediately afterwards she said what are we doing we can’t be doing this were not together anymore. I told her how it’s only natural and that I’m the only man who will love her as deep. She just seemed as she did something terribly wrong told her how we had sex before any relationship in the past and her reply was yes but that’s because I choose you and her other response to that I will only be the one who loves her she said that is a lie. I left the room gave her some time I collect herself came back 20 min later she seemed at peace like nothing happened. So what do I do now last time we broke up a few months later had great sex for at least a month before she’s aid we were back together because we were sleeping together. So I’m at a loss figured having making love gentel passion sex today was probably what did it instead of just great ruff sex..
    How do I get her to commit or maybe she is seeing another man and trying to decide which is better me or him ???

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      March 28, 2017 at 1:08 pm

      Hi Jay,

      do you live together?

  11. Jonas

    March 14, 2017 at 3:09 am

    So I’ll make a long story short. Ex broke up with me 1 month ago and slept with her ex 1 day later. 3 days later she calls me and wants to get back, I found out about the guy and said I needed time to accept the fact that she did it 24 hours after dumping me…so we keep seeing each other and she starts talking to this gay girl, and low and behold she starts liking her; so now she says she wants to be with her and also with me” non exclusively with either. They slept together for the fist time 10 days ago… She almost never calls me but last Friday she asked me to see her, I didn’t answer and she claims she had panic attacks because we didn’t talk all day. On Saturday I snapped and really humiliate myself saying we could try to restart and not be exclusive and just go out and see what happens (mind you this person was my fiancée, it’s impossible to now be sharing her, even if it’s a girl I’m sharing her with) she said please not to disappear from her life, but when asked if she wanted anything from m more than a friendship she said she didn’t know. I did one last terribly humiliating thing and said I was up for the sharing and she should let me know when she wants to see me; however then I turned off my phone and haven’t seen it in 48 h, because I can’t seem to stop talking to her, I’m scared I’ll lose her forever to this other person if I leave, but I don’t think I have a fighting chance… WHat do I do? For how long?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      March 27, 2017 at 10:24 am

      Hi Jonas,

      you have a chance but not if you keep devaluing yourself instead of doing no contact

  12. John

    February 25, 2017 at 7:56 am

    My gf dumped almost after 3 years of dating because she had been feeling that way for months. I couldn’t do the no contact rule as i was too messed up and clingy and constantly tried to talk and convince her to come back but almost a few days back, i stopped. We met again and chilled out for a while and she told me she was still physically attracted to me and then she herself proposed the idea of having sex then said it wasnt a good idea, however we ended up having sex and being a little romantic that day. We even met later but that was just normal. She said she still isnt sure if she wants to get back or not. It’s not even been a month since we broke up. i am confused, what should i do? should i just be casual without any expectations or just completely cut off?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      February 26, 2017 at 1:07 am

      Hi John,

      Try the no contact rule.. It’s actually on the plus side if the guy sleeps with the girl because girls are emotional but at this point, if she doesn’t want to get back with you, staying in contact and sleeping with you will probably make you friends with benefits.

  13. Joe

    February 6, 2017 at 5:28 am

    I broke up with my girlfriend 6 months ago. We had been together 3 years but I had become super controlling and super jealous. I made a big scene with her boss because I was jealous of him. We stopped talking on that day. She hated me for a while. To the point of not answering my calls. After a couple of months we talked again. She invited me to her house for Thanksgiving, Christmas and she wanted us to spend New Years together. So I rented a hotel and we went out of town for New Years. We had sex for acouple of days. None of that helped in fixing the relationship tho. None the less we have been talking daily since then. But everytime we talk about the relationship she says she doesn’t want to live the same thing again. I’ve made it clear how I have made changes in my life and I don’t think the same anymore however she doesn’t believe it. Last night we went out of town again and we slept together. She typically gets upset when I don’t communicate with her for a couple of days but doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me. What should I do?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      February 6, 2017 at 7:23 pm

      Hi Joe,

      what changes did you make? Right now, she’s making you her friend with benefits..

    2. Joe

      February 7, 2017 at 6:28 am

      I stopped drinking. Took counseling for my jealousy etc.

    3. EGR Team Member: Amor

      February 8, 2017 at 1:04 am

      That’s good but i think you should start the no contact rule and do at least 30 days

  14. DAN

    January 5, 2017 at 10:35 pm

    OK, so my Ex dumped me about 6 months ago. After the break up, we would talk but it would be constant arguing about what I did and didn’t do constantly taking shots at me and I at her. it was just terrible. I did go a no contact period with her which resulted in her send me a picture of the flower I gave her back in high school for prom going on 4 years ago now. I started talking to her a again, a lot calmer but still we would argue about something or anything. Usually I would talk about what I done and try to get back with her, but she hates it literally and she would literally hang up the phone or ignore me… talk about cold hearted. fast-forwarding to now, we had sex twice recently. It was only twice, and we both knew it wasn’t going to fix anything. but we talk now… like we can have a regular conversation. I been seeing her, helping her, been around her family and stuff but she just don’t want to be with me. she’ll tell me maybe in the future, but idk what that even means. She also say she would be happy if I found another girl, which I won’t be happy bc I feel like I would be settling for someone I don’t initially want. I hangout with her and she knows I like her, but I guess she sees me as her b**** huh? well she says she sees me as a friend and just wants to be friends, but went we do talk about working things out, she always say how she feels so free going out with friends, but she been doing that all along even being with me. I don’t get it. well I’m thinking about not contacting her for a while starting now, but its her birthday on the 8th of this month and I don’t want to not wish her a happy bday. what should I do?

    P.S she is as stubborn as a box of nails too, she is a really good girl though. PLEASE HELP!

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      January 9, 2017 at 9:29 am

      Hi Dan,

      You’re friendzoned.. if you want, start no contact after her birthday

  15. Jose

    December 9, 2016 at 8:49 pm

    2 years together, she broke it off with me. After 3 weeks of no contact, she contacted me to get my things. We went to dinner then had sex, afterward no contact again for 2 weeks. This time I reached out and asked to see her again, we hung out 2 days in a row and ended up having sex. We act like we’re still together when we see each and i’ve been trying to show how i’ve improved. We have not talked about getting back together, but I’ve discussed how I’ve changed and improved.

    Now again I am waiting for her to reach out after having sex and nothing again, its been about a week. I’m trying to wait for her to reach out first but I usually initiate the contact. I need some advise please.

    What do i do now?
    What do i do if she reaches out?
    Do i need to tell her i want to work things out?

    Thank you, this website has helped me tremendously on getting back on my feet and focusing on myself.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      December 15, 2016 at 3:48 pm

      Hi Jose,

      if you don’t reach out, doesn’t it seem like you’re making her your friend with benefits?

    2. Jose

      December 15, 2016 at 9:17 pm

      Thank you for your insight, I didn’t see it like that at all. I reached out and set up another date. I’m going to take some of the other advice from here and refrain from sex and work on a foundation

    3. EGR Team Member: Amor

      December 31, 2016 at 2:23 am

      That’s good! You’re welcome!

  16. Chris

    November 10, 2016 at 3:54 pm

    My ex and I split about 2 months ago, we basically had no contact until a couple of weeks ago when we got together and had sex. The next weekend the same thing happened but she is hesitant about getting back together. She did tell me that the last time might have been the best yet and the night was amazing. I haven’t spoken with her in a couple of days now and want to know what to do going forward? Please help

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      November 14, 2016 at 1:17 pm

      Hi Chris,
      dont sleep with her again.. instead of doing that, do other things..build rapport and attraction slowly..have you improve yourself in the past month?

  17. John

    October 30, 2016 at 3:57 am

    Ex and I have broken NC after a month or so. Things were a bit rough but we have gotten to a better spot in our current friendship. She told me she “doesn’t want to date me, not right now” and that she doesnt know what she wants. Holding me on a string. I stopped FWB today, and questioned a bit about if even being friends was worth it. I could tell she didnt wan’t to lose me as a friend, I just kept a strong face accepting that either being a friend or not I would be okay. I left to her walking me out and saying “text me how your night goes… or i can text you too.”
    I don’t think she will text me, but I’ll enjoy my night. Communication is definitely something we have improved but still needs a bit of work, because she called me at work freaking out about her ID i had. Anyways, I just dropped it off and said have a nice night with a smile!
    So, I feel a bit silly even writing about it but I hope this will keep me from speaking to my peers and thinking about it. Writing definitely helps dodge confusion and over thinking. Thank you. Look forward to if you let me know what you think. Happy Halloween!

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      October 31, 2016 at 2:38 pm

      Hi ,

      yup, break contact.. because right now, it’s either she thinks you’re just in it for the sex or chasing her

  18. Tony

    September 30, 2016 at 12:35 am

    So after being broken up for about 4 months I contacted my ex and she seemed very excited to talk to me. We meet up and everything seemed great. Over the next month we ended up sleeping together several times. I called her 3 weeks ago and suggested we stop doing what we were doing for a while. She agreed. I asked her what she wanted. She told what she didn’t want. She seems to be afraid that things will end like they did before. I haven’t talked to her in week and a half or so. What should be my next move?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      October 14, 2016 at 9:21 am

      Hi Tony,

      so she wants to get back with you, she’s just afraid? How are you now?

    2. Tony

      October 21, 2016 at 10:20 pm

      I am fine. Haven’t talked to her in about a month. Feels like a delicate situation. I feel like I need to keep the lines of communication open, but not sure how to approach from her.

    3. EGR Team Member: Amor

      October 24, 2016 at 3:26 pm

  19. Jon

    August 31, 2016 at 1:30 pm

    So we were in the FWB mode for about two weeks, yesterday we get into a little argument, which I started out of frustration because she is acting like there is really nothing going on between us.. Since the friends with benefits our relationship kinda went back into the groove how it was. I mean having two kids makes it hard not to get back into a routine. Now she is back to being pissed at me saying nothing has changed and I’m immature. I immediately apologized for the outburst and let it be. I’m assuming here I am going to have to start a NC period again and try to mend things down the road. She just keeps putting me at a distance right now and I’m not sure why. Seems so easy to just let things get back to the way things were.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      September 1, 2016 at 11:29 am

      HI jon,

      the more you do nc, the less the effect. SO this time, you have to stick to it and don’t rush things after it.

  20. Jon

    August 31, 2016 at 1:29 pm

    So we were in the FWB mode for about two weeks, yesterday we get into a little argument, which I started out of frustration because she is acting like there is really nothing going on between us.. Since the friends with benefits our relationship kinda went back into the groove how it was. I mean having two kids makes it hard not to get back into a routine. Now she is back to being pissed at me saying nothing has changed and I’m immature. I immediately apologized for the outburst and let it be. I’m assuming here I am going to have to start a NC period again and try to mend things down the road. She just keeps putting me at a distance right now and I’m not sure why. Seems so easy to just let things get back to the way things were.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      September 1, 2016 at 9:00 am

      Hi Jon,

      nc loses it’s effect if it’s repeatedly done.. why not try to have a calm serious talk

  21. nick

    August 27, 2016 at 1:30 am

    ok heres the problem im having atm, ill try and keep it brief, me and my ex were dating 2 years and i got lazy and we came to a mutual agreement to end things and see how we feel after a couple of months after sorting our lives out, i worked on myself and fixed everything that i had done wrong, not talking enough not waking up not looking for a job, the lazy bum kind of things, we still care about each other and weve made that clear to eachother, she slept with another guy twice a couple of months ago, it hurt like hell but ive shown her that im getting over it, we understand that kind of stuff hurts and will take a while to get over, last week she agreed to go on a date with me, today we went on that date, it was nice but we were both worried and over thinking things and it wasnt as special as we hoped it would be, we came back to my place and we decided to lay in my bed and watch a film we were looking forward to seeing, it was boring and we ended up having sex, it was AMAZING sex and full of passion and lust, we could both tell how much we wanted eachother, we talked about it before hand and were talking about “this might not be a good idea, it might complicate things” but in the end we were snuggled under the sheets and we started kissing and touching eachother and one thing led to another and it lead to amazing sex that we felt we both needed, were going to talk tomorrow about how we both felt about it and our feelings but i dont know if we made a mistake or if she might take me back or not, my head is spinning because were both sending mixed signals, we love eachother and then we dont and then we love eachother again and through the talking weve done we came to the realisation that she is terrified that ill slip back into the person i became during the relationship and i dont know what more i can to do prove to her that im not the same person i was and im better for her than ever, thoughts? what should i do next and do i have a chance?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      September 1, 2016 at 5:52 am

      HI Nick,

      how did the talk go?

    2. nick

      September 2, 2016 at 10:58 pm

      it actually went really well, we talked about how we were both feeling, we talked about our past relationship agreed on things that needed to change, what had changed for the better and we came to the agreement that shes still hurt from the person i had become due to circumstances in my life at the time and that she is scared it will happen again, i asked her to beleieve me when i said im never going to be like that again to which she replied that she wants to forgive me and shes really trying, its just that shes finding it hard, she said that her heart and head are pulling in opposite directions and she’s the kind of woman that always listens to her head so i told her she needs to listen to her heart for once and stop being so head strong, that made her giggle a bit which made me happy, shes told me that she doesnt want to sleep with anyone else but me any more, i really think she does want me back but where she is still worried that ill go back to how i was before im unsure of how to play this one to my advantage, whether i should keep doing as im doing which seems to be making progress as far as i can tell or do something different

  22. Sam

    August 24, 2016 at 9:36 am

    Dear all,

    To make the long story short since I already wrote a comment on another section of EGR.
    Me and my GF broke up late July after 2 and 1/2 years we have been together. She is 26 i’m 32. The reason of the break up was that i left for another country 8 months ago. At start she felt she was losing me. SHe was crying everyday for 3 months feeling she does not have me by her side. We saw each other every month for 5-10 days/month but the late 3-4 months i was feeling she was becoming distant. So to save my relationship i moved back to make things as they were before… But they never were.
    For her nothing felt like it was since she tried to put me out of her life to ease the pain of me being away.
    This ultimately led to the point where she has started flirting with another man but nothing serious. When i found out we broke up for obvious reasons… Trusting her, her trusting me and feeling i could never trust her again.

    After couple of days from the break up we met up to give her her things from my house. She cuddled she cried we hooked up but she wasn’t sure if she wants to be with me since something obviously was not the way it was before. This keeps going even now, after 1 month of break up. We go out on dinners etc, she looks at me like we never broke up, we have fun, we have sex, she tells me that she is scared she would never find the love we had with another man and feel the goosebumps she feels when kissing me. As for the other man, after our break up they keep things friendly since she cant feel something stronger.

    Point is, when we had the talk of what really happened so we could sort things out, she said that i was trying to be manipulative and also the fact i left her and went to another country. For me it was that she was trying to hide things from me in order to protect our relationship and not have fights (even if we never had any serious fight), which made me suspicious and grumpy. The fact she is stressed with her job and her life prospect does not allow her to actually think what she wants to do with us and as she said, she leaves things go emotionally. Even yesterday i was invited to her niece’ party. We ended up kissing like we first met and having sex.

    And the sex and flirt and kissing goes on…

    The signals are so mixed. I read all the articles of EGR trying to understand what should happen. It is comforting knowing many others go threw these emotions as Chris describes, but I hate to imagine a future without the person i love and have dreams with. She seems so confused as well. What should i do to make her actually commit? I am confident, smart and handsome but i am afraid since everytime we end up in bed, i am too available for her.

    Any advice appreciated,

    (PS. Sorry for my spelling mistakes if any, English is not my native language)

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      August 26, 2016 at 9:25 am

      Hi Sam,

      you are too available.. stop giving the benefits without the commitment

    2. Sam

      August 28, 2016 at 7:30 pm

      Thanks for the reply. That’s what I did. I asked her to stop contacting me since I can’t do this anymore. I told her I need to move on in my life since she can’t be there for me. She freaked out explaining that she needs time to prioritize her work stuff and she can’t decide what she wants to do and she doesn’t know if we can be together. Hope I will get over her and maybe one day she will appreciate what she lost. Then I will be able to judge better what I actually want for myself cuz as you said I was too available and she took comfort on the fact she can have a good time without commuting. Thanks again

    3. EGR Team Member: Amor

      September 1, 2016 at 6:47 am

      you’re welcome. With her reaction, it looks like she is starting to realize that.

    4. Sam

      September 2, 2016 at 8:52 pm

      It has been more than a week since I told her that she shouldn’t contact me again. My psychotherapist explains to me that we give each other mixed signals. Because on the last conversation we had she said how much I mean to her but on the other hand she does not know if we will be together again, while I am telling her that I want to be with her and then that she should not contact me again. It is like dancing. One person makes one step forward and the other one back. Point is I think about her and I am cannot (yet) imagine my self without her. Should I stick to the NC rule for 30 days and then starting slowly to show interest or you consider it to be a dead case?

    5. EGR Team Member: Amor

      September 2, 2016 at 10:59 pm

      Try sticking to the no contact rule and then rebuilding rapport first. If it doesn’t work, then move on.

    6. Sam

      September 15, 2016 at 8:57 am

      So I did the NC rule. She tried to contact me but I did not pick up. IT WORKED!
      After 3 weeks i saw her at work and i did not talk to her. She came by asking if we could leave together and drive her home so we can talk. I was pissed at first so we had a talk of what went wrong and she said that she was thinking about me all the time and the time we spent apart made her think that she wants me.

      No its been a week or so that we date again. Things are a bit cold still but she shows interest by contacting me daily, calling me her love and so on. Do you think that it will eventually be more warm with time?

  23. Chandler

    July 31, 2016 at 3:07 pm

    Mine is a long and crazy story. Messed up really. Me and my ex were together for 5 years. We have a soon to be 3 year old girl. Before we found out she was pregnant we was in the process of breaking up. Once we found out she was, we decided to work things out. We was living with her parents at the time because I moved in from another state and didn’t find a place yet. However, once she was pregnant we moved out 5 days later. Then before the baby was born I bought a house. After our daughter was born we had problems, she liked to party. Given her age ( right now she is 24, and I’m 29) I see why she does. We have had roommates at the house almost the entire time. Normally it’s ok. One roommate we have now is a girl, and it seems my ex just gravitates towards her to hang out and not spend time with me. We had our problems with talking and communications but i always tried to work through them. I’m not perfect, by no means was I perfect. We never cheated on each other, this is a certain. Over last 6-8 months she had been unhappy. Last November she was looking at rings and all that stuff. She knows what I want out of a relationship. And I also know that she has said she doesn’t want to get married. So I didn’t get a ring. Financially I couldn’t at the time. With me going to school and working and taking care of our daughter time was a very limited thing. Things kept getting worse, she would spend more time with the roommate and less time with me and kept getting worse. ( she does have that thing In her arm for BC, really don’t like that thing, I believed it’s messed with her hormones) I did buy a ring at the beginning of June. Not for the purpose to propose right as I got it, but I was at a point where I could get it so I did. She figured out and she went cold. I had planned a trip for her b day around the beginning of July and we went and it was amazing. No cell phones, no tv. Just me and her and nature. The sex was amazing. On the day we was leaving I brought up the ring in conversation. Just to tell her what it meant, not that I wanted her to put it on right now. I didn’t even have it with me. Fast forward a week and she left. I did get a little pushy. That’s my fault. … Now. Things get messy.
    She let and went somewhere I really didn’t want her to go. As they have had problems with DHS, and I didn’t want my daughter there. So I got a lawyer and let’s just say that. She was told she couldn’t stay there and keep our daughter there at all. I got temp custody for a week. However, she moved to her moms and I never kept our daughter from her. I kept the schedule as we had talked about even though I could have. Now, during the first week of our breakup, I was emotional, I was hurt. I was mad. And I may or may not have said a lot of horrid things. I deeply apologized to her many times. And I feel she accepted. Now during the second week is when the court date was. It went simple. We met my lawyer before hand and had everyhting already done and on paper about custody and everything. Easy. Didn’t talk the rest of the day and not as much from the first week. That night she messaged me around 5 but I didn’t get it until 7 because my phone was turned off. That made her mad and she was saying things it seemed to just get under my skin. Finally I just said something along the lines if I care about our family and I wouldn’t do anything stupid to mess that up because I care about our family…. Now that I said that I will back up and tell you something. She states we are broken up. But she also states she needs some time. And that we are not completely done. So it’s like I’m hanging by a thread. Now fast forward. Later that night around 10 I’m driving around clearing my head. I had just gotten off the phone with a friend and I was headed home. I texted her and asked if our daughter was asleep, she said she was and had been for a couple hours. For some reason I then asked if I could come over. She said yes, but not to think anything of it and that I get too much hope. And asked what I wanted to talk about, I said I didn’t want to talk. So I go over there with just intentions of honestly laying next to her. However it didn’t take long and we was naked. After we was done, we laid for a bit and I got up and left. Didn’t talk much. And this week we have talked some but not a lot. Few days ago I messaged her and told her to pay a bill that she needed to let me know. Well she messaged me and said she did and just jokingly I said ok, now get naked and send me a pic. And later she did that night….. Confusing… Anyway. Still not talking a lot but she is starting to message me more since I have backed off. Now. As of last night. I made plans for early afternoon and I told her that I would be coming by around 11 so we could talk about our daughters birthday. When I showed up my daughter was still awake and extremely happy to see me. I lay down with them to get her asleep and fall asleep myself. For s about an hour. I wake up. Get up. Go to my ex side of bed and take pants off and get in bed and cuddle. Basically half asleep and not straight minded. She didn’t argue. She was only in things and a shirt. Knowing I was coming over. Well. She said we are not having sex. We needed up doing just that but she kept saying this isn’t about us it’s just sex. She made that point a couple of times. Anyway. After we lay back down and lay there for a little and I get up and get dressed and calmly tell her my opinion on her party and how I feel about it. Basically she mentioned that we should have one party instead of two. I tried to explain to her last night that if things are the way they are now with me and her a joint party just would work. If we was to b working on us together and working towards reconciling then the party probably would be ok. But with her in limbo and not knowing what to do. Just wouldn’t work. Did tell her that there was 2 things but only told her 1 and said I’ll think on the other topic a little longer.

    Forgot to mention. You remember that roommate she gravitated toward. They are trying to find a place to rent together. But they don’t have money and won’t have money until end of August when roommate gets money from
    School back. They both are not good with money. Especially my ex God love her.

    I love my ex from the bottom of my heart. I love our family. She doesn’t want me to be with anyone else and vice Versa. I know she hangs out with other guys but I’ve been told she had no interest whatsoever. Still gets me. She doesn’t want our daughter to have a step mom in the future as I don’t want her to have a step dad. But she is so afraid of commiting it’s crazy. She admits it she is very scared of it. Terrified. That comes from her parents and their poop of s marriage…
    That’s about the gist. 3 weeks ago she left.
    Any advice..
    Again thank you

    1. Chandler

      July 31, 2016 at 8:28 pm

      When I picked up my daughter today, I asked her to think about going out next weekend and she gave a nervous laugh and smile and said sure I’ll think about it. And then I walked out. I’m going to try not speaking to her the rest of the week, unless it’s about our daughter and breach the me and her going out Friday possibly. All I want is something from her like a small amount of try. She has stated she isn’t done with us. But doesn’t know what to do. I just dislike being in this kind of limbo. She has told her brother that she does want to work things it with me but hasn’t said anything to me if the sort. Acts very distant.

    2. EGR Team Member: Amor

      August 1, 2016 at 6:02 pm

      Hi Chandler,

      it’s nice to see a guy that really wants to make his family whole.. but I think you have to set one thing straight in your relationship and you have to be crafty about it.. communication..if she doesn’t want to comminicate properly then you can’t say upfront to her that you need to talk because that’s like attacking her.. so that means, in order to have a heartfelt conversation with her, both of you has to be in the best mood in a calm scenario or in a fun scenario.. so that the talk comes out naturally and goes on smoothly..

      you have to talk to her about what she really feels and how you’re ready to try to make it work for her in her pace..

      yes, you can sti do nc now and improve yourself but later on, you have to talk

    3. Chandler

      August 2, 2016 at 7:10 pm

      It’s been since Sunday since we had really any contact. Only couple messages about our child and that’s it.
      I did find out that she and the guy from work she had been hanging out with, apparently she was thinking or was starting to talk to him as more than friends and backed off because she didn’t feel like that for him or something and he tried and apparently shut him down. On Monday I got a call from a friend and he said that him and my ex talked that morning ( Monday ) and she said she was thinking of giving me and her another shot. But I still have yet to hear anything from her and it kinda hurts she thought of talking to another guy romantically and still slept with me. I want to text her and just chit chat about stuff but I know I shouldn’t. I still haven’t heard anhthing about me and her getting together on Saturday… Should I continue on the road I’m on and not speak to her until Friday and ask about Saturday and just wait for her? Or keep it going further. And should I do the same as her and find someone else like another female to talk to…

    4. EGR Team Member: Amor

      August 4, 2016 at 1:40 pm

      nope don’t use a rebound…i think you should contnue no contact and let her say it straight to you if she wants to talk

    5. Chandler

      August 5, 2016 at 6:00 am

      We argued this week about our daughters birthday. We have it set up for 50-50 custody. And Sunday’s are my day. Last week she mentioned about having 1 party and not two. I thought about this and explained to her that if we was working on us and working through our problems I would be ok with one party for the better of us and our child. However, it wouldn’t be fair and would be weird and awkward to have 1 party with the way things are now between us. She messaged me the other day and said she was planning a party for our daughter on Sunday, my day. And got mad when I brought it up that, that was my day and I was already planning something. I know that some people in her family it’s easier for Sunday but am I in the wrong for standing my ground in this and explaining that Sunday is my day and I was already planning somethin for her. We have spoken some and the only thing she says about us is that she doesn’t know what she wants basically. I don’t know is all she says. I don’t speak to her much at all. Unless it’s about our daughter. It worries me because I fear the longer this goes on. The chance of us working towards getting back together dwindles.

    6. Chandler

      August 12, 2016 at 7:26 pm

      Thank you. A while has passed and we have talked some. Last Friday she told me we was done and that she didn’t want anything with me. I did not message her or even attempt to speak to her. She found out I had been talking to her cousin( who is a girl but also likes girls) and she messaged me Saturday late picking a fight. She knew me and her were friends. We have been good friends for a while. On Sunday there wasn’t much communication. On Monday we talked some and she opened up and stated she wanted to work things out but she didn’t want to try until her and another girl got a place. Now that’s what I’m having a hard time dealing with. She says she wants to try but she is time framing it for over a month out. In my head I feel that if you say you want to try, you try and don’t say in a month or so we can start. She is still struggling with leaving and has said she wakes up with the shakes and knots in her stomach. When we talked ( texted) she admits she didn’t appreciate all that I did for her and didn’t love me the way I loved her and that she is terribly sorry for how she treated me. Before she started saying all this stuff I was getting better. I was moving on. And it’s like she knew this and didn’t want to let go and wanted to drag me back down. I want this to work. I want our family together because of what this is doing to our daughter. How do I act now that I feel she just wants me on the hook and waiting for her for when she decides things. I feel I deserve more than that but I do love her… Plz help

    7. EGR Team Member: Amor

      August 24, 2016 at 7:50 pm

      sorry for the late reply Chandler, how are you now?

  24. Narc

    July 12, 2016 at 2:46 pm

    Hi Amor 🙂

    We talked before..its been 3 months since i broke up with my ex..i made some progress, she didnt want to go for a coffee with me because she thought its too soon to see each other (wants to be just friends) so I went to the place where sve works,she was happy to see me and we had two glasses of wine, then went to her place and had sex, because chemistry is obvious.

    Before sex she said she doesnt want to give me false hope,but sex was really passionate and feelings were there..there are a lot of mixed signals. I am confused..as always haha

    It was first time..what should I do? I am not sure,she really wants to be just friends or I have to put more effort in it..

    And we are both going on vacation for 10 days now..I thought maybe to call her after vacation so she has time to think about it..or to continue texting now? What if she wants to have sex again..should I say no?

    Thank you for your time 🙂

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      July 13, 2016 at 9:48 am

      Hi Narc,

      do you want to try what Chris advised?

  25. Andrew

    June 7, 2016 at 7:57 pm

    Hi guys,
    My girlfriend wants to separate for 6 months to a year so she can find herself and see if I can change my ways. I don’t want to see her go anyplace. We are still living together for the time being until her apartment gets finished. We both love each other very much but she can’t live with me until I prove I am a changed man. How do I show her that I will not be my father like I was becoming in a short time? The reason being is I don’t want to lose her to drugs and alcohol like all her friends are?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      June 9, 2016 at 3:59 pm

      Hi Andrew,

      I just want to make it clear, is it you that’s doing drugs and alcohol? or you’re afraid she might do that because that’s what her friends are doing? and what does she want you to changeM

  26. Brian

    June 6, 2016 at 7:19 pm

    Me and my girl were together for around 3 and 1/2 years and lived together for about 3 of those years. We broke up about 6 months ago for a few reasons..jealousy, taking her for granted, etc. During our time apart I worked really hard on fixing my issues and lost a lot of weight. We never really stopped talking accept for a month of no contact when we originally broke up. Since then she’s moved in with a friend and has been back in school to finish up her degree. Recently about a month ago she asked me to hang out and we’ve been hooking up ever since. When were together it’s like we’re a couple. We go out to eat, have dates and hook up. She spends the night and is very affectionate. She even mentions how proud she is of me for changing and how good I look since lsing the weight. But when she leaves it’s like she falls of the face of the earth. When we have had the “talk” she says that she cares about me blah, blah but dosent want a relationship yet and isn’t sure of what she wants for our future. That being said she also says she doesn’t want to be with anyone else still wants me in her life. So I’ve gotten a little frustrated with this and about 5 days ago I started NC and we haven’t spoken since. Am I making the right move and if so how long should I wait to contact her. For the most part I have been the one to make most of the contact, which up until now meant we were texting almost every day and hooking/spending the night together every few days. Thank you for the help guys.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      June 9, 2016 at 8:44 am

      Hi Brian,

      how did you start no contact? Did you tell her that you needed space or that you’re current situation is not working for you?

  27. Chris

    May 28, 2016 at 6:12 pm

    Well, as stated at the top of this specific topic, I did manage to go through all the steps to get this far. Since the breakup I have reached almost peak physical fitness(I already worked out regularly but the results show even greater now that I workout with extra purpose) my confidence has increased dramatically, I have realized the problems I had and resolved them, etc. I know she’s seen my growth because she makes remarks about it plenty. I did a 21 day nc period, followed by gradually increased text messages, a few phone calls, and I didn’t even have to set up a meet because she has started going out of her way to interject herself into my friend group to see me more often. I tried to have the talk with her the last time I saw her and it led to sex and her bringing up the idea of FWB, initially I turned it down but I caved a few hours later and texted her “yes”. At this point we’ve almost started communicating almost as regularly as when we were together, we are both flirtatious in person, and she even said that she can’t get over how attracted to me she is. The reason she has given me for not wanting to commit is because she is afraid of how people would feel about it (I guess this could be a cop out). We go to school together, she dumped me a little over a month before school ended and after that she started partying like crazy and getting drunk on a daily basis, now she’s afraid of going back to school as a couple because of the reputation she built up so quickly and says she wants to clear her name at school before we can move further, she even said that we could talk about the relationship a little further into the next semester. So basically, does this seem like a real reason or is she just trying to string me along?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      June 6, 2016 at 12:02 pm

      HI Chris,

      it looks like it is, though it’s an immature reason but if she is that attracted to you, it looks like she just wants less stress in the relationship

  28. Linus

    May 14, 2016 at 4:08 pm

    can i ask on how to reply directly to your post? cant see reply button..
    anyway to answer ur questions..she does come to my apartment as a friend..but she always hug me and lay to men on the bed and talk about things and stuff…

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      May 15, 2016 at 11:13 am

      oh, there’s a reply button under your first comment.. like for this one, you will reply via this comment too.. basically you’re like friendzoned.. either you just let her to come or you stop being sweet with her and lay boundaries because you’re not comfortable.

  29. Linus

    May 13, 2016 at 7:20 pm

    Good day i bumped into ur site because you know i have a problem wiith my ex..;) hoping u can give me advice on this..
    well here is a little story, i took my ex girl for granted.. she broke up with me for another guy. i beg to her and cry..and as i now understand that why it does not work. then finally accepeted the breakup and ask for forgiveness…and as i now understand that why it does not work. we are still in contact due to financial reason. we used to live together and when we broke up i left the house we rented. moving forward, she still contacts me once every week due to financial reason and some other reason and she goes to my aprtment. i tried to play it cool when we talked and i dont talk about our relationship as much as possible. i tease her and make her laugh everytime she comes over..i know she still has feelings for me but she is inlove with the new guy. 3 months passed..i told her that im dating multiple girls and they are completely over me. this got her crying and that this her made really jealous. and she admitted that she is number 2 of his guy..meaning she knew that the guy hes dating has gf but still she wont let go( because she said she has feelings for him. she told me she wanted to end it but does not know. actualy im not mad at her (i think i already moved on but i still want her). I advice her about the wrongs of her situation.not sure if shes listening to me though..anyway, before she left she hug me very tight.. would appreciate any advice from you guys on how to move or what to do in this situation..

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      May 14, 2016 at 9:44 am

      Hi Linus,

      Well, does she still come over because of other things or because she wants to talk to you as a friend?

  30. Joel

    April 28, 2016 at 6:31 am

    I have an odd thing. Been married 16 years, with kids who i adore.

    She tells me we can not live together because i made mistakes. ( i will not get into them, not abusive)

    She claims to still love me and gets emotional on phone calls. I came over a few nights and had great sex went 4 times a night.

    i still have strong feelings and have lived alone 6 months now. My dream is to make it work.

    I tell her in texts on the phone and in person how i feel and get no real feedback from her. She ignores them i guess and blows me off when i ask for feedback.

    i am helping her with car issues so she can transport kids.

    Otherwise, this is screwing with my head and never stopped loving her. It is a traditional household relationship when i was there. Nothing funky. Daddy and Mommy and kids and we work and pay bills.

    The girls (daughters) need me and i them and they still adore and love me.

    while the ex-wife will not finalize papers for divorce or say she wants to make it work again.

    i am at the fight or flight stage i hate the midwest USA and will relocate and become homeless or stay and make it work.

    any solid advice?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      April 28, 2016 at 8:45 am

      Hi Joel,

      have you stoppef making the mistakes and made sure she can see that you wont do it again?

    2. Joel

      April 28, 2016 at 11:16 am

      i have been living alone no chance for me to snap at the kids when depressed…..

    3. Joel

      April 29, 2016 at 10:48 am

      i can not make the mistakes i do not live with her any longer. and the NC rules will not work we talk about our kids weekly at least.

      However, she states she can not live with me but, we have awesome chemistry and wild sex.

      after 16 years of marriage….

    4. EGR Team Member: Amor

      May 1, 2016 at 6:33 pm

      ok.. you can still do it.. it wouldn’t be full nc because you will still talk but only about the kids.. I think it’s best that you do at least one last try of sincere calm talk with her about trying again and then lay the solutions.. if that doesn’t work do limited nc.. of course you have to stop the sex during nc and improve yourself

  31. Peter

    April 17, 2016 at 10:55 am

    She cooled off somewhat.i met her in person and we stayed a few days in another town visiting it.we mostly talked and walked it was everything as if we dated again and again we did have sex (i couldn’t resist.even more knowing she was going away).she said she was half regreting broking up with me and that she loved me and that she could see a future together but that having that self discovery trip to the US was her idea and that she was gonna abide by it and asked for us to stay in touch during that time.she also said we could talk about our relation once she came back. I said i could not be friends with her since i love her and that such a friendship would not be fair for none of us but that we could talk once she came back and we ended up crying in the train station and almost not letting the train go because we were always opening the doors.am i being too stubborn?should i keep in touch with her during her stay and just…wait?(it could prove i would not put her last again right?)

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      April 20, 2016 at 4:46 am

      I think you just laid what you really want.. and with how you said goodbye to it’s each other, it looks like she still has feelings for you

    2. Peter

      April 20, 2016 at 9:36 am

      She texted me saying that if we really love each other then 6 months would not change that and that me not wanting to talk to her but being afraid of we never talking again were contradictions and i ended up agreeing on staying on a sort of experimental relationship.grrrrr…this is just going back and forth with her not commiting…

    3. Peter

      April 20, 2016 at 9:51 am

      Experimental in that we would say good day and good night every day and try to speak on skype every 1-2 days.we would also try to get money to see each other everytime we could (props to you guys for the tips on long distance relations).i also asked if she could come a little earlier so we could live together for a while until i end my thesis (i finish my course in january at most).
      she said she’s afraid of we marrying getting kids and she not knowing or doing what she really likes or whats to do in life which is why she’s going to the US besides getting away from her parents and life…what a time for a existencial crisis).maybe i should give her some space to get that freedom she wants but how do i do it without losing her or getting in the friend trap?

    4. EGR Team Member: Amor

      April 24, 2016 at 4:00 am

      Hi Peter,

      so, it’s like you’re still together and trying but open to possibilities if things don’t work out? How is it going now?

    5. Peter

      April 24, 2016 at 11:17 am

      Well…i kinda rushed it and she got mad.it’s just really frustrating seeing things going back and forth without her commiting and then there were these “i dont care days” were she ignores me for hours.i felt like i was the only one doing any effort and told her.i needed to be patient and give her space i know…and now she’s back to how she was before we saw each other.i dont want to give up on her but this is really taking it’s toll.

  32. Tyler

    April 14, 2016 at 2:41 am

    So if you’re playing the NC game and they contact you.. You’re supposed to ignore them, right? But what if they don’t message you again after reaching out. When are you supposed to get back into contact with them? When is it okay to message them back? Also.. In terms of mixed signals, this girl I’ve been seeing for the past 6 months does it PERFECTLY. And it drives me fucking insane.. The hot/cold, push/pull, I wish I could do it as well as her, but I always end up breaking because I love her so much and fuck it up. How do you suggest playing the mixed signals game?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      April 15, 2016 at 4:58 am

      HI Tyler,

      if she’s sending mixed signals always that means she’s not that invested and not playing a game.. If she contacts you during nc and sends maybe a series of 10 positive texts that day, that’s different. But you have to establish value for her to get to appreciate you more.. Let’s say, you have to have your own life..

    2. Tyler

      April 15, 2016 at 10:51 pm

      She messaged me today and asked why I haven’t been affectionate with her lately and why I haven’t been talking to her. I just kinda played it off and changed the subject a bit. This girl really knows how to mess with my head I tell ya haha. But you’re right, I just need to live my life and do me and not focus so much on pleasing her.

    3. EGR Team Member: Amor

      April 19, 2016 at 1:13 pm

      hahahaha..she knows you..

    4. Tyler

      April 19, 2016 at 7:06 pm

      I’ve been really focused on not responding as quickly to her and sometimes not responding at all until she messages me again, and it seems to be working, she’s flirting with me and sending me provocative snapchats and telling me how she wants to have sex with me etc.. And she also make subtle little tweets that you can tell are about me when I’m not responding to her, you can tell that it bugs her but it seems to be working!

  33. John

    April 13, 2016 at 8:45 pm

    First off, thank you for this website. I love the specifics and how it relates directly to my situations.

    A little background on my situation. I first tried the full no contact rule. After only 6 days or so I caved in and we got into a very big argument. She said that she deserved better than being just cut off completely and to a certain extent I agree with her.

    Since then we’ve slept together on at least 5 different occasions. Yesterday I asked her to have dinner with me. Before we even stepped into the restaurant, we got into an argument over a joke and she left. Later that night she tells me she’s drunk and she wants me to come over. That is when I told her “Not Tonight”. She was very angry.

    I have not responded yet. I am leaving on a vacation by myself tomorrow for the next 4 days. Do I continue to initiate the mini no contact rule or do I try and cool things down before leaving on my trip? I know if I ignore her she will be very very mad, just like how she responded to the first time I tried to initiate no contact. Just need advice on whether or not it would be smart to do that again.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      April 15, 2016 at 4:25 am

      Hi John,

      it can be because it depends on the reason why it was implemnted..sometimes you have to tell her you need space because whatever was happening is not working but don’t mention until when you would do nc.. and then do nc.. if you can for now, let things cool of and if she starts an argument don’t engage so you won’t get into a fight.

  34. Peter

    April 6, 2016 at 10:03 pm

    Well…my case is a particular mix….
    we’ve dated for 7 years in a long distance relationship seeing each other once a month until recently she decided to ask for a time because (and here it’s a mistery to me) sometimes “it hurts to be apart”, other times she had just become fed up with it and “she needed to think”…i was a walking cliché in every aspect.from the crying to the texting and the begging.i even gone all the way to go there by bus on a whim to talk to her.when i got there she made me go around with her and her friends because she had already made plans with them (i know…i know…).then when we were on the car talking she kissed me and then we made sex.she spoke to me about possibly seeing other people (which i said no to)and spent the next 3 days in each other’s company having sex and going to the beach and etc.
    then i left and she went back on the same.i tried to give her some space and she came to me the next weekend.we rent a room so we could stay away from my home (i live with my parents and i’m in the university ending my course).again we talked, we cried, she tried to press me for sex several times and then i started intercourse.she asked me to move to her town but i said i needed to end my course first so we could start a life together and invited her to come to my town instead until i end it.she said she would think about it and we spent another 3 days on the beach, walking around and of course…sex.
    then in the last day she said we should just stay friends with benefits in an open relationship (though she said there’s no one in her life now) and went back home.she did not call and took forever to answer me by wateaver means but it was killing me that she could have another person to the point were all i wanted was an answer.yes or no.
    she said we should break up.(though i pressed her for an answer) i cried cliche, cliche…
    then i suddently felt better i flirted with her a bit about sex and left her hanging to which she said being sad but seemed interested and now i’m starting the no contact (though i broke it a bit 2 days ago when she called me and i answered while semi asleep but she hung up after saying sorry she had woken me).

    should i keep the 1 week NC or go for the 21 days?i mean…i pretty much broke every “don’t” in the book during the break up…(though i did not talk to her family or friends.the 1st like me a lot but the later have been giving her advice to break up with me).
    and what should i tell her after NC?i’ve told her i’m busy with my life and that i’m spending some time thinking should i just start talking with her as if i suddently got some time for her?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      April 7, 2016 at 10:04 pm

      Hi Peter,

      I think you should try one week and then talk to her in person calmly.. of she wants you to move there,assure her that you will after your course

    2. Peter

      April 8, 2016 at 8:07 am

      I think i blew it all.
      She texted saying that i was ignoring her and that she’s going to the US on the 28th for a few months (we live in europe now) and i caved in and texted back (damn i’m a coward…even blamed partially the software for not answering which is true, partially…) but that she wants to see me to give me some books back.i tried to get her to come to me with the intention of spending some days together so we could talk but she says she’s occupied this weekend and that tuesday she has dentist (i was aiming at monday) to which she has to go before the flight.i think that now she’s mad at me for both not answering and i think that she was also mad for not paying her attention from before we broke up (i just realized it).damn…i’m screwed…

    3. EGR Team Member: Amor

      April 10, 2016 at 5:24 am

      You already answered her, let’s wait and see if she cools off.

  35. Randall

    March 7, 2016 at 7:39 am

    So I feel like I’m doomed in my situation. Me and my ex were together for 5 and a half years until she abruptly ended it in June of 2015. I tried and tried several different methods to getting her back. Including downloading your book. Your book helped me but I feel like it just couldn’t help my situation. Anyways, she left me for another guy and they had been together ever since, until about two weeks ago when they had a major fight. She moved all her stuff out and claimed to be done with him. So then she hits me up one night while I’m at work. I text her back and we talk for a little while and then she ends up coming over when I get off. We talked for a little bit and then she leaves. A few nights later she texts me again asking if she can call me when I get off. I didn’t think she really wanted anything so I said you could just come over, I’m about to be off. She comes over my house that night and we’re talking again and then she asks if she can sleep there in the bed with me. I told her yes and we went and laid down. One thing led to another and we ended up having sex. Afterwards, we went to sleep and she got up the next morning and took a shower at my place and went to work. A few nights later it happens again which results in her getting up and showering and going to work. But when she came in that night, she asked that we keep what was going on between us because it was nobody else’s business. I agreed and we did our thing. A few nights after that we go out with her friend for her birthday and have some drinks. She starts acting weird and I believe it’s because the guy found out she was out with me. She starts kind of crying on the way to my house, she was really drunk, and I calm her down and get her back smiling because I know how to. She starts calling me things like sweetheart and she said “I’m sorry. It’s not that I’m not having fun with you, I just have had a lot going on.” and then not long after she passes out. I had to carry her in the house and lay her in the bed when we got home because she was so dead asleep. We get up the next day and go get some food and go back to my place. Not long after I had to start getting ready for work so she said was going home and we hugged and kissed like we had been since the first night we had sex. So she texted me around 6pm like she had been doing and asked how work was. We were talking and then it just ceased. And when I got off her friend had put a video on her snap chat of them being at the guy’s house she just broke up with. And then the next day they were together again on snap chat. I guess I can’t really say anything because the first night she told me she didn’t want to hurt my feelings again and that she didn’t know what she was doing. I don’t know whether or not she’s trying to reconcile with the guy. She’s been texting me and stuff while all this has been going on with the guy. But she hasn’t mentioned coming back over or anything. And she takes forever to text back. I genuinely thought I was completely over her but all the feelings I had for her came rushing back into my mind and heart. And now I’m at a loss as to what I need to do to get her back or even if it’s still possible. Any suggestions or input would be greatly appreciated.

    Thanks in advance,

  36. Dave

    February 26, 2016 at 2:34 am


    I was living with my ex girlfriend for 3 months in her home country until we broke up in August. In total we were together for 2 years before that in a long distance relationship. Things were great mostly but looking back, I was a bad boyfriend sometimes and would sit around the house all day and not pay enough attention to her.

    We split on mutual terms after yet another argument over something minor. However, since then I’ve realised that I’m completely in love with her. We’ve met up several times since the split and mostly behaved as we did when we were together, including romance and sex.

    The most recent time however, she asked if she could join me on my holiday overseas for 3 weeks around new year. I said yes.

    She was initially a little cold towards me when we first arrived, and shunned any attempt at intimacy (despite the fact that she’d booked a double room for us for the whole period). A week or so into the holiday however, we ended up having amazing sex, and from then on some days she would be cold, and some days we’d have explosive sex. We even did things in bed that we’d never done whilst we were together.

    All this hot and cold behaviour did annoy me a few times, and I’m ashamed to say that I got angry at her on a couple of occasions. However, we reconciled and on her last day I made sure we did everything she wanted and treated her great. At the end of the day, she came onto me for sex (usually it’s the other way around!) When I had to take her to the airport, it was all very emotional with kissing and hugging, but she still says she doesn’t want to get back together.

    To be honest, it’s all been a headf**k for me. She’s now been gone for 6 weeks (I am still overseas). I have been texting her now and then and at first she was happy to respond, asking lots of questions etc. and things were normal. I then sent her an anonymous Valentines gift, to which I received no response. I didn’t contact her for a week or so, then sent a casual text and later suggested that we Skype at the weekend.

    She responded with a blunt message saying that she doesn’t want to. That was a week ago, and since then I’ve been in no contact. The last few weeks before that any texts I sent were responded to after a long period, and with a short, sometimes blunt reply.

    Obviously I feel like I’m losing her. She hasn’t initiated any contact, has avoided ‘liking’ or discussing Facebook pics and is generally avoiding my existence. Perhaps she has a new boyfriend, perhaps she was using me for sex (she did say I’m the best she’d ever had – not a boast, just painting a thorough picture), perhaps she’s trying really hard to get over me.

    The thing is, I don’t want to get over her.

    Sorry for the long ramble. I just wanted to give a thorough background and ask for any advice. For what it’s worth, we are both in our thirties.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      February 26, 2016 at 3:38 pm

      Did she tell you the reason why she doesn’t want to commit? And are you doing the steps mentioned above?

    2. Dave

      February 26, 2016 at 9:50 pm

      At the moment I’m just doing no contact and keeping myself busy with fitness stuff.

      I’m not entirely sure why she doesn’t want to commit, but when I brought up getting back together she was very casual and just said something along the lines of “I don’t really want to anymore”. I think she worries that we’d just spend a lot of time arguing again and maybe for that reason doesn’t see a future for us.

      When we’re together I know there’s an attraction, but she seems to be really trying to push me away, and since we’re in different countries currently I feel like she’s going to erase me from her life by ignoring me, and there’s not much I can do about it.

    3. EGR Team Member: Amor

      February 27, 2016 at 2:42 pm

      okay.. go slowly after nc.. show her she can trust you again with her feelings

    4. Dave

      March 16, 2016 at 7:50 am

      Just to update on this….

      I completed about 2 weeks of no contact, and then slowly started messaging her every 3 or 4 days. I try to ensure that they are not empty messages and encourage conversation. She responds to these messages but not really in a timely manner. Sometimes I’m waiting half a day or a day to get an initial response, and she rarely asks questions back to me. I would call them positive responses, but with little investment in the conversation, or desire to continue the conversation.

      Also, the only time she has initiated contact was to wish me happy birthday recently.

      So to summarise, this rapport building is going painfully slow and I’m starting to think I’m wasting my time. I’m not even sure where the rapport went in the first place, as when she left we were on good terms, although not back together. I’m thinking perhaps she has another boyfriend lined up and I should call it quits because she shows no real interest in speaking to me.

      Any thoughts?

    5. EGR Team Member: Amor

      March 16, 2016 at 1:06 pm


      Hmm.. Try a little jealousy post and then assess, if you feel you should stop, of course you can do it. Coz if she wants to be friends she’ll reach out when the time is right for her.

  37. Mike

    February 24, 2016 at 8:27 pm

    Just wondering if I could get a little advice on how to proceed with my current situation.
    I split with my ex officially about a month ago. I did several things wrong at the start but have been recovering from them. The other day I called my ex and we met up for lunch. She ended up cancelling her plans so we could spend the day together. We mostly drove around and visited several shops. During this time I kept conversation fairly light, only hinting that I missed her maybe once. There was periods of slight flirtation. On the other hand she began to cry several times and explain how she should have tried to harder to make things work and said she ruined everything (she ended it, not me). I didn’t want to seem needy so I just calmed her down and changed the subject matter. The thing is while she is saying this she is also saying she doesnt know why she can’t commit. “I wish I could ask you to come back and fix things but I’m stupid and can’t. I dont know why” (almost an exact quote).

    Towards the end of the night I drove back to her place to drop her off and she invited me up. I caved fairly easily and went up. We ended up having sex. At first she was hesitant and would pull back, only to re initiate. After ward she seemed fine but confessed she had kissed someone else while we were apart (didnt go further) she explained she felt guilty and needed to tell me. I remained calm and said it was ok and we watched TV. Shortly after we had sex again and things were fine after. We talked a bit and it was getting a little late. When I said I should prob head back she grabbed my arm and asked me to stay. Again I caved.

    The next morning things were a little awkward but we remained friendly. When I was leaving we had a rather long hug but she did back away from a friendly forehead kiss which struck me as a little odd.
    When I left the apartment I stuck a note (disguised in an old parking ticket envelope) That simply read have a great day.
    She text me about it later and we exchanged maybe three or four messages about her seeing it and getting new curtains for her room.

    At this point I’m just confused as to how I should proceed. She seems hesitant to commit. Should I keep things light and text occasionally? Is it time to try and rebuild a rapport? Should I do a short NC? Please advise


    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      February 25, 2016 at 7:09 am

      Hi Mike,

      what about yhe two theories above to get her to commit.. are you willing to do that?

    2. Mike

      February 25, 2016 at 6:27 pm

      Yeah well I’ve initiated a NC and its been 2 days now. Haven’t heard anything from her so far, which I would assume is to be expected. But I wasn’t sure if this was right because we’re not in a fuck buddy type relationship. We’ve only had sex once since the break. I have been doing a bit of the push pull already. Should I just continue with the week of NC?? It’s tricky cause now I miss her more than ever.

    3. EGR Team Member: Amor

      February 26, 2016 at 2:56 pm

      for me yes, do just a week, to make her miss you and to help her clear her mind.. and then continue to build attraction after that.. if you have enough rapport already, go out more make memories. Instead of asking her to commit.. make her feel she would want to commit.. Use a little jealousy by going out with other groups of friends..Don’t make it too romanticbor you’ll push her away

    4. Mike

      March 4, 2016 at 5:28 am

      Hey Amor, just reporting back here. I kind of screwed up No Contact after receiving a few messages from her. After the 2 days of NC we hung out and talked a bit. She said she missed me and I foolishly mentioned working things out. She agreed and we decided to meet up in 2 days for a casual date. This was 2/27. On the 29th I text her to make sure we were still on for the night. She agreed. However when I showed up she said she couldnt go and had changed her mind. I grew upset and prob ruined things at this point. I started to ask all the same questions. “why? Do you not want to fix things anymore” She gave me the usual answers she just wasnt ready. After leaving she sent me a text saying “Sorry for flaking. I wish you didnt have so many expectations. I cant deliver right now. Im sorry”

      I’m a bit confused about the many expectations bit. But I’m assuming it just means getting back together. I’ve been in no contact since the 29th (its the 3rd today) and I was wondering if you think I can recover from this. She has randomly liked some recent posts on facebook (regarding some rather positive things that have happened in my life) and liked a few of my IG pictures.

      How do you think I should proceed? Is one week of NC still enough or will this require more? I also forgot to mention since the split most of my belongings are packed up and in her apartment (prev our apt lol). She’s been letting me store things there til I find more suitable living arrangements (moved in to parents house)

    5. EGR Team Member: Amor

      March 4, 2016 at 9:50 am

      She probably likes your posts out of guilt.. but for me, of you don’t need the things, get them after a month of nc.. one week is too short.. and with what she said.. she expects your next moves will be to get back again

  38. Rod

    February 19, 2016 at 10:42 am

    I have some serious issue here. Since my ex dumped me 2 months back, we are still in contact, everytime i tried nc, she will find me. Then one day, we met and we had sex but still she told me she doesnt wants to be in a relationship. Before the sex, we hugged, cuddled and kissed and she cried everytime when she sees me. During the meet up, she cried 3 times because of she misses me and the rest i dont know. Sometimes during the sex she said she wants to think about us. And the next day during breakfast she doesnt want to be in a relationship as she wants to be independent. My response was i acted cool, ok and etc and she told me there is a guy shes been hanging out lately with friends (not dating) that makes her happy and i told her ok, if you like him then what can i do but i told her it would be very unfair though. And she told me that she told the guy too that she doesnt wants to be in a relationship, basically she told everyone who likes her that she doesnt wants to be in a relationship. I really dont know what to do next, i dont want to be in a situation of friends with benefits.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      February 19, 2016 at 3:01 pm

      Hi Rod,

      that’s good.. just politely talk to her, tell her you don’t want to be friends with benefits because you respect her

    2. Rod

      February 19, 2016 at 3:41 pm

      What if i would to say that and what are my next moves to win her back?

    3. EGR Team Member: Amor

      February 20, 2016 at 12:26 pm

      improve yourself, I’m not sure yet if you should do nc, but I think you can try to build the attraction now by being nit available always but when you’re together, make it fun and light.. Don’t text her always and build a life that shows her you’re noy always here to wait..

  39. gio

    February 6, 2016 at 7:40 pm

    Maybe you can help me with my situation. I broke up with my ex girlfriend back in November. We did not talk till January. When we first talked it was in person I basically told her how much I cared about her and what were my plans for the future with her. I explained to her that I had seen where I had made mistakes somewhere along our relationship. Basically i told her everything that I had thought of during the time we didn’t talk. I told her that I wanted to get back with her, but she said no, that she didn’t want to be in a relationship right now. She said i cant be in a relationship. We went back and fourth me saying why not and her telling me why. We were not getting anywhere, somewhere in the conversation the subject changed we started to talk about other things like her family, job, and other things. Eventually we ended up kissing passionately and ended up having sex. After we texted steadily for a day or two and after she would go two or three days without looking for me. I would text her we would ended up having a good conversation and next day no texting. Than we saw each other a week after the first time we saw each other. Again we just talked outside her house in my car for a couple of hours and again we ended up having sex. Once again it was very passionate and good. Again we texted steady for a couple of days on and off. Than a week later we saw each other again outside her house and the same thing happened we ended up having sex. After we had sex i started to cuddle with her and ended up telling her that i really cared about her, she began to cry and didn’t say anything, i just calmed her down and changed the subject. Either way that would make it three times since we started talking again. Us having sex obviously gives me hope of us getting back together. But not only the sex, also her not denying to see me or text me. I feel like if she wanted nothing to do with me she would have denied me already in all ways possible. Just yesterday she miss understood something that i text her and she replied with “ i don’t want to be in a relationship” “ i cant be in a relationship” “ if what we have done makes you think that than we shouldn’t do that anymore”. This is where she confuses me, because I feel that everything is going good, but she doesn’t want to commit to me. This is the second time she tells me this. I really care about this girl but i am beginning to think that she will never commit to me. I have asked her out to eat but something always comes up and also in the nights i try to talk to her on the phone and she supposedly falls asleep. The next day she wont even text me back too. She has some things at my house that she has been asking for and i think that could be the possible reason why she has been talking to me but i don’t want to jump to conclusions. Like i have said before i really care about this girl but i cant get her to commit to me and i don’t understand why. What would be the best thing for me to do at this point? i don’t want to give up because i feel like we are so close but i feel like her rejecting me has happened to many times already.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      February 7, 2016 at 11:15 am

      It means you have to go slowly. You’re starting out right and then you head straight to sex and then asking for commitment. Has she said before why she isn’t ready or was it because your break up reason isn’t addressed yet?

      But basically, you have to make her feel she wants or can commit now. Build the relationship again, do what you did like having valuable talks, going out but don’t have sex. It’s like building a friendship and building attraction slowly by doing it one step at a time and not pressuring her.

    2. gio

      February 8, 2016 at 6:37 am

      yes she has she basically has told me that she wants to do things on her own that she has plans she wants to accomplish but without being in a relationship. When she told me this I thought that she was lying and most likely talking to someone else, which some what got confirmed to me this past Friday. A guy that i believed she was talking to past away in a car accident and she seems to be really hurt by it. I cant say they had anything serious but from how hurt she seems to be, it indicates to me that maybe it was. Someone close to her told me that they were not boyfriend and girlfriend but that she did day that they were friends. I feel like this has changed the situation completely and i don’t know what to do. At this point i feel like it is a bad idea to contact her, i feel like she needs space. I really don’t know what to do. I still feel like I want to be with her, any advice of this situation? What should I do now? Because i feel like things have gotten harder now that this has happened.

    3. EGR Team Member: Amor

      February 10, 2016 at 10:11 am

      Yeah,its better to ket her grieve for now

    4. GIO

      February 16, 2016 at 8:54 pm

      how long should i let her grieve for, before i contact her? Or should i just wait till she contacts me?

    5. EGR Team Member: Amor

      February 17, 2016 at 6:00 am

      I’m not sure.. it depends on her speed of coping

  40. Phivos

    January 30, 2016 at 3:05 pm

    Hello i hope you can help me the situation is really complicated and i think i have big chances of getting her back!i hope you can help me she is really important to me!
    i broke up with my girlfriend 5days ago.We were like 2years+ together.She broke up with me because i have hurt her so much..but i know that she trully loves me.she did everything to be with me.but she got tired..coz she was the only one who was trying about us.i was giving up to fast and staff like that..so she found another guy that works with her and he is taking care of her now.I was also taking care of her a lot but this period i dont know i didnt do too much for us..anyway with this guy they kissed and they are “together”but not much.my ex girlfriend now lives at my home because her work is near my home.so she cant go else where.anyway i tried to convince her so much to be with me and she was telling me that she cant.she want to be with me but for her own good she has to stay away.after too much trying i told her that okay..i understood..ill never have you again..but after this she was talking to me normal. i mean before that she was talking to me like im annoying her and after i told her that she was talking to me normal.and she kissed me on cheecks.we were talking about many staff.sometimes she mention her new boyfriend also..she told me that she is not in love with him and she doesnt even want to do sex with him.she just likes his style.anyway the next day we did sex.i started it of course. she was sleeping and i was cuddling her and stuff and i did it.after that we did 1 sex one more time that day and one more the other day.some times when we were sleeping she cried for a minute then stopped.and when we talk about our big dreams she also tells me that i m an idiot and that we could be forever together.yesterday we kissed 2 times.each kiss lasted like 1 minute.All the time she tells me that im an idiot.She says that because she means that we could be together if i didnt act like that.Also she likes to hug me.In two days she will go to his house and stay for one day.She told me that she wont have sex with him prolly.I dont know what should i do.I changed a lot and she tells me that i changed the wrong time..she told me that if could try to change be4 i lost her that we would be together..Now i dont know im thinking to “date” another girl and go at the cafe she works.im sure she is gonna get jealous.But i dont know is thats the right thing i should do.I spent a lot of time with her those 3 days and she was thinking that i will be chasing her together so maybe its better to make her jealous now.or should i continue chasing her and saying to her how much i lover her?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      January 31, 2016 at 12:50 pm

      Hi Phivos,

      You said when you said you’ll stop, that’s when she started to talk to you again right? Why not just talk to her now, before she goes in the other guy’s house, and tell her that she had to decide and you’ll respect whatever decision she makes. If she decides to stay with him, do NC. If not, then good for you!

    2. Phivos

      January 31, 2016 at 11:45 pm

      we talked many times..she has told me that she will always love me.but to break up with him she has to leave her job.and she doesnt want to start from 0 again.and she knows that i will do the same mistakes so she cant trust me anymore..

    3. Phivos

      January 31, 2016 at 11:49 pm

      we have talked many times..she told me that to break up with him, she has to leave the job she is now and start from 0.and she doesnt want because she thinks that ill do the same mistakes and she cant trust me anymore..

    4. Phivos

      January 31, 2016 at 11:49 pm

      also i cant do NC since she will be living in my house for at least one more month..

    5. EGR Team Member: Amor

      February 4, 2016 at 4:52 am

      if she’s still extending to live in your house then have a serious talk about tryin again and assure you that you will not take her for granted, whether she agrees or not show her for a week how you’ve truly changed and of she still hasn’t change her mind, talk to her that you can’t keep doing this and you have to stop now since it’s clear that she already chose him. She can’t have both of you at the same time

  41. Ryan

    December 23, 2015 at 1:05 am

    I just want to say this website is great. very good tips. I broke up with my ex back in May. At first it was hard for me to deal with but I decided to give the no contact rule a shot, it worked, she reached out to me. We ended up going on a few dates. which I thought would never happen. Ended up have sleeping together. I am enjoying our relationship now, but the only problem is that she wont commit to me. At first I didnt care but now its becoming an issue. I will give this a shot and see how it goes, but thank you. Never thought I would get this far . . .

    1. Chris Seiter

      December 23, 2015 at 6:10 am

      Glad to hear it man!!

  42. Hayden

    December 18, 2015 at 4:42 am

    Hey Chris,

    I haven’t heard back from you regarding my situation detailed 3 comments down. If you could get back to me when you can that would be great. I could really use your advice as all your advice has worked for me this far and I am so close.

    As for an update to my situation: after 5 days of NC since we had our “commit to me” talk (fight) I texted her to ask if she wanted to ice Skating with me sometime this week. She replied right away saying that she didn’t know and and that she was still in shock at what happened during the fight. I didn’t reply till today when she Txted me if she could take me up on my offer (ice skating) she later wanted to bail on that and we just went out for dinner. I bought to be nice as an “action apology” for how bad the talk went last week. We went back to my place for a lil bit then I dropped her off. We kissed a little bit before I dropped her off and when I bought the dinner. I guess my intention wh the date was to just leave for break on a better note

    . I won’t see her again probably for a month. Should I go NC Athens entire time? I’m really unsure how she feels now and she has to be sleeping with someone since we haven’t In a few weeks now. I’m just trying to remain chill now and not cause to many “negative signals”. I’m kind of over this occasional friends with benefits. there is so much feelings with this girl for me but I’m about to graduate with a finance degree here in May and I want to pursue other career opportunities outside of Nebraska. She is going into nursing school here.. Don’t know if it’s Time to cut the cord or work for her commitment..

    Thank you for your time as advice is extremely Helpful to me

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      January 22, 2016 at 1:07 pm

      Hi Hayden,

      Did you push through getting her back?

  43. jareth

    December 7, 2015 at 9:23 pm

    Hello I have a similar situation, I talked to her back in november and conviced her to take a last trip with me, we went to our trip and had sex, we talked about getting back together, we kept dating but NO SEX was her rule, Ive been in her house and stayed inn and I found out she is with someone, I confronted her but she denied it, we slept together again after that discussion but no sex, after that I told her that I was not interested in her anymore, she looked kinda confused, but Im interested in her anyway and she keeps texting me and inviting me to her house, what should I do

    1. Chris Seiter

      December 8, 2015 at 2:01 pm

      Just keep giving her mixed signals.

  44. Chan

    December 7, 2015 at 12:39 pm

    Great article, but my situation is somewhat more complicated -my ex has been in a new relationship for about four months now (we broke up about 5 months ago…), but some 4 weeks ago, we had a couple of very intense, emotional conversations and it somehow sparked a flame, we bonded again. Since then, we’ve been having sex about 2-3 times a week (while she only sees the new one during weekends). She now said: I gotta stop this, this cannot go on. My New Year’s resolution is that we can’t have sex after Jan 1st.

    What do I do? I know I want to be the one in control of this situation, but if I say ‘no more’ (before Jan 1st), she’s just gonna get it from the new one anyway… Any advice? Thanks!

    1. Chan

      December 7, 2015 at 1:35 pm

      Oh, forgot to mention: we still live together…

    2. Chris Seiter

      December 7, 2015 at 3:27 pm

      I think you should have been the one to end the sexual relationship. That puts you in a position of power.

  45. Timmy

    December 4, 2015 at 10:38 pm

    Amazing article as always.
    Do you think it’s a good idea having the commitment talk at my birthday or at new years eve. I think the problem I’m facing is that she’s afraid of repeating the past. I’m honest with you I’m afraid too. Do you think the mix signal strategy should work out good here?

    1. Chris Seiter

      December 5, 2015 at 12:59 am

      Do you think you’ve built up enough attraction to have that talk yet? What happened in the past?

    2. Timmy

      December 8, 2015 at 4:54 pm

      I thought yes but recently I made a hint at our current status. I joked about her being my girl (which mabye was a mistake I couldn’t control it) She was really shocked and didn’t really want to talk with me about our status. After that I immediatly changed our subject. I don’t know what to do. On the other hand she often tells me that I look good and says that a lot of girls would like me and stuff. When we meet we also have a good time together and often kiss. She got pretty emotional couple of times. I feel like I have reached a lot but I’m not sure if we will ever come back together. To me it feels like we are nearly a couple but we are not.

  46. Hayden

    December 4, 2015 at 6:18 am

    Hey man thanks for the article pretty much covering my situation. I seem to still be in this “sex” cycle your chart illustrated but no success. The past couple weeks hanging out have been very good & the sex has been good too. She is slowly starting to bring me back around more people in her life which makes me feel a little bit better that we aren’t so lowkey FWB. We have been FWB for a couple weeks now, going on dates, etc so time is not an issue. I have been displaying more effort and attention (always running, touching her) but not much vice Versa..which makes me concerned effort might be a factor. I guess my question to you is when do I break this cycle and have the commitment talk, I’m afraid to initiate it as we have been doing so well without bringing up feelings. I might try making my self less available as well..

    1. Hayden

      December 4, 2015 at 6:19 am

      *rubbing her not running

    2. Chris Seiter

      December 5, 2015 at 4:29 am

      Don’t pull away she will think you don’t like her. You will have to bite the bullet and have the relationship discussion. If she says no then go into no contact.

    3. Hayden

      December 11, 2015 at 6:31 pm

      Hey Chris,

      Thanks again for your reply and time writing this article. After a few more times having sex and hanging out, we had the commitment talk last night and it turned out to be more of a fight. What I got out from this fight was that she is unsure what she wants, doesn’t not want to commit yet or be in a relationship, and what’s me to naturally prove myself to her (Past flaws etc not being very sympathetic, etc). My arguments were that sometimes I feel her spending time with me doesn’t mean anything if it isn’t romantic (off and on) and that how can I naturally prove myself if she cant commit to me or give me any expectations. She is also very stubborn to the point where she will always defend herself. She ended up leaving my car and a few mean things were said both ways. I have entered NC, but xmas break is next week and then we wont see each other for a month (bad timing) Can you offer any advice for me?

    4. EGR Team Member: Amor

      January 22, 2016 at 10:10 am

      Hi hayden,

      Did you do no contact?

    5. Hayden

      December 11, 2015 at 6:36 pm

      Does not want to commit*

  47. Kevin

    December 2, 2015 at 8:03 pm

    Hi Chris,

    Back in September my ex and I got into a huge fight, I told her I needed time to think about our relationship (2.5 weeks, my ex considered us broken up during this time, she said she knew i was going to dump her, which i did). During that time and about 2 weeks after the official break up she still begged for me back (I said no, but we were still in constant contact). We went into low contact but one night she called me late at night and was very sick, she came over and I took care of her. We spent all week and weekend together, we had sex twice.

    Then when she got better we went back to low contact. This is my fault because I just waited for her to contact me and she didn’t contact me. Then she came over and we got in a fight because I said hooking up and rebound relationships are immature after a breakup (she denied she was with anyone). Then I got emotional and I begged (flowers, tickets, letter, etc.) during my begging we were hanging out more (she showed more interest), but she was not convinced I cared about her (she kept on telling me she was not expecting this at all, I truly believe she thinks I did not care or love her at all, so this was a huge shock to her). My begging pushed her away but she was going hot and cold with me (seeing someone else too). She is a black and white thinker so I need to show her how much I care for her.

    I did tell her if we are going to hang out we cant have sex because it is playing with my emotions and I want to have a real relationship with you. She said back to me that it was just sex nothing more and then after that comment she refused to even kiss me. But then I found out she was talking to another guy (the same week I sent her flowers and a letter). So I went no contact right away and tomorrow will be day 21 (she has not reached out to me once). What should I do now?

    1. Kevin

      December 2, 2015 at 8:35 pm

      We also dated for 18 months.

    2. Chris Seiter

      December 2, 2015 at 8:58 pm

      Do you have a first contact text message prepared?

    3. Kevin

      December 2, 2015 at 10:42 pm

      No I do not. Should I contact her after the 21 days or wait 30 days? What should I say?

    4. Chris Seiter

      December 5, 2015 at 9:33 pm

      21 days if you can’t go longer. Your going to have to come up with a great text. Something that makes her feel great. Have you read my texting bible or the post on text messaging your ex?

    5. Kevin

      December 2, 2015 at 10:45 pm

      Also I have been working out trying new things, new look and bettering myself. I just want to make sure I do lose my chance to get her back.

    6. Chris Seiter

      December 5, 2015 at 9:33 pm

      That sounds fantastic. Keep working on yourself and like I said get a few texts prepared for when you finally speak to her.

    7. Kevin

      December 3, 2015 at 1:13 pm

      I am thinking an apology text for the begging because I never said sorry and just started NC out of nowhere. “Sorry for being inappropriate before I was emotional and needed time to heal. Hope you are doing well”.

    8. Chris Seiter

      December 6, 2015 at 3:49 am

      No, don’t send anything like that. No contact will correct that on its own. Never apologize with words, do it with your actions.

  48. Matt

    December 2, 2015 at 6:17 pm

    I have a couple of quick questions, but here is my situation:

    I met a girl back in July. We had an incredible connection, went on five spectacular dates, and she ended up running. Aside from the fact that I wasn’t as open emotionally as I should have been (which I have fixed), she ran because I have five children from a previous marriage (she has none), and she was afraid that she was going to need me at a time when I couldn’t be there because of my children (she has not met them).

    I went through the playbook by initiating 20 days of no contact, got into ridiculously good shape, improved my professional life…pretty much everything I could think of to better myself. After being back in contact with her for a month, we went on a date, and it was perfect. Over the course of the next two and a half months (from 9/20 until just yesterday), we went on any number of incredible and unforgettable dates. The connection and feelings were very evident on both sides, and we had sex almost every time we were together (once we hit that point).

    About a month ago, she got a little distant when I brought up the possibility of the relationship progressing further. It was that fear of my not being able to be there for her creeping into her mind again. Things were still fantastic when we got together, but her communication dipped quite a bit when we were apart. We had a minor fight on Thanksgiving, and she took a trip this weekend to decompress (the trip was planned before the fight).

    After not hearing from her all weekend, I pressed her a little bit about seeing her this week. After the third attempt, she told me she’s “not fighting feelings for me” and does not want to “continue things any further.” I know for a fact she’s lying about the feelings, and I suspect she said it to distance herself from me. I told her that I really enjoyed opening her up and that we made a lot of unforgettable memories together in a very short time. I accepted what she said with grace and cut contact.

    So, I’m going to continue to pursue greater fitness goals (something I did NOT stop doing when we were together), work to pay down my debt, update my wardrobe a bit, work towards a much needed promotion at work, and anything else I can think of to better my standing in life.

    My two questions:

    How long should I go no contact for this time? (21 or 30 days probably)

    How can I overcome her fear of having unmet needs? (I only have my children four days per month currently, and my time with them can be flexible). This is truly the biggest thing that is holding back an otherwise exceptional future together.

    1. Chris Seiter

      December 2, 2015 at 8:57 pm

      I am actually proud that you pursued the fitness route. A lot of men are lazy but you are clearly not.

      I would say that you should try the mixed signals strategy out.

    2. Matt

      December 2, 2015 at 9:03 pm

      A side note to all those men out there wondering if exercise really works: take it seriously, give your all, your body will change, and your confidence will soar through the roof.

      I like the idea of the mixed signals strategy. I’m assuming that I’m to implement this after 3-4 weeks of no contact?

    3. Chris Seiter

      December 5, 2015 at 9:14 pm

      Exactly, right on. Thanks Matt.

    4. Matt

      December 9, 2015 at 8:27 pm

      As I’ve reflected on the situation, I realized that I got a little too pushy and a little overly emotional over the last three weeks of our relationship. Given that information, does that change your advice at all?

    5. EGR Team Member: Amor

      January 22, 2016 at 9:19 am

      Hi Matt,

      have you done no contact?