By Chris Seiter

Updated on November 17th, 2022

Welcome to the friend zone…

It’s cold, lonely and depressing.

Hey, lets just be honest here. If you are in the friend zone you have hit rock bottom because the only thing worse than an ex girlfriend who doesn’t want you back is one that has put you in the friend zone.

I am just going to level with you here.

Being in the friend zone really sucks and it is going to take some serious smarts to work your way out of it.

Luckily you have me!

You can look at me like a decorated ex girlfriend expert.

A friend zone rescuer if you will.

In the next 30 minutes I am going to teach you how to get out of the friend zone (if you have been placed there) and what to do to increase your chances of getting your girlfriend back.

Yes, it will literally take you 30 minutes to read this article from top to bottom.

How do I know that?

Because I write a lot and I go into amazing depth. I probably go into greater depth than anyone talking about exes that you can find online.

So, lets get started!

What Is The Friend Zone?

friend zone

You want to hear something hilarious?

If you go to Google right now and type in,

“What is the friend zone?”

An official definition will actually pop up.

Seriously, check it out below,

Screen Shot 2015-05-18 at 9.48.30 AM

The idea of the “friend zone” has become so popular that Google actually has to give an official definition now.

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So, I guess the question on your mind at this point is, is the friend zone that we are going to talk about on this site the same as the official definition Google gave above?

Kind of but not exactly.

When most men imagine the friend zone they imagine a guy who has feelings for a girl and the girl doesn’t reciprocate but she is too nice to be mean to him so she keeps him around as a friend. Well, what I am going to be talking about on this page is a little different.

I am going to be specifically gearing towards a situation where the guy (you) and the girl (your ex) dated in the past, broke up and now the ex girlfriend (your ex) only wants to be friends and nothing more.

I want to teach you how to get out of that situation.

So, my definition of the friend zone is slightly different than the normal one but it is very similar in many ways.

The thing that you have to remember is that there is more hope with my scenario because if your ex girlfriend send you a text like this,

Screen Shot 2015-05-18 at 9.52.10 AM

It isn’t the end of the world because you have already proven that you dated her in the past before and if you did it once you can do it again.

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The Negatives Of Being Friend Zoned

I don’t really have to explain the negatives of being friend zoned do I?


I had better just to be on the safe side.

Ok, being friend zoned is a lot like getting your legs cut off.

I know that is pretty graphic but it perfectly illustrates my point so lay off.

Imagine that you love running more than anything in the world.

You live and breathe it.

When you wake up in the morning running is on your mind.

When you go to bed at night guess what’s on your mind?

Yup, running!

Now, lets also pretend that you were driving one day and you got into a horrible car accident and the only way that doctors could save your life is if they took your legs.

So, now that you have no legs you can no longer experience the thrill of running.

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You can no longer experience what it’s like to take stride after stride and feel like you are on top of the world.

You will never get it back…

Do you see where I am going with this here?

If you get friend zoned you will never get your ex girlfriend back or if you get friend zoned you will never get the girl you want.

It is essentially like having your legs cut off emotionally.

So, you really have two options at this point.

Option 1- Admit Defeat And Move On

Option 2- Show Fortitude And Overcome Being Friend Zoned

Most people admit defeat and move on but you are different, I know you are.

The fact that you have read this far shows me that you are interested in overcoming the obstacle you currently face from your ex girlfriend with being friend zoned(or that I am an amazing writer who knows how to capture your attention.)

So, lets go back to our “losing legs” example.

When someone has lost their legs and loves running what do they do to overcome that problem and run again?

Look below,

flex foot

This is what is known as a carbon fiber flex prosthetic and it’s main purpose is to help people who have no legs walk and run similarly to other people who have their legs.

In other words, someone who loves running but has no legs is going to find a way to overcome the obstacle of having no legs to get the love of their life back, running.

This guide is going to do that for you.

It’s going to map out a game plan for you to get the love of your life back if you have been friend zoned.

I would first like to start by talking about what NOT to do,

Do NOT Be Your Ex Girlfriends Friend

friend zoning

Many guys fall into this trap of being friends with their ex after a breakup.

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Here is their thought process,

“Maybe if we are friends she will realize she made a mistake and we can get back together.”

Men who are in this position have to learn the hard way that their ex isn’t going to take them back when they watch her date someone new and they become that friend she relies on for emotional support. Look, there is nothing wrong with relying on each other for emotional support but if you are always wanting more with your ex and she knows that then she is going to take advantage of your feelings so she can feel better about herself.

Let me give you an example.

Lets say that after a breakup with your girlfriend she is constantly calling you to get your opinion on things and you give it to her.

She calls you about problems at work…

Problems at home with her parents…

Problems at school…

I mean, it seems like any time she has a problem you are the first call she makes and you kind of like it that way. It makes you feel like you are an important part of her life but you really aren’t. If you really think about it she is using you for support.

The more you give it the more she craves it.

That’s a good thing, right?

Well, if you are in a relationship with her then yes, it is a good thing.

But you aren’t in a relationship with you.

She is getting more out of it than you are.

Let me put it like this, you are giving her this emotional support right now and you aren’t any closer to getting her back are you?

So, why keep giving her emotional support?

You need to change your approach.

The No Contact Rule Is A Must

no contact

Lets assume that you are friend zoned by your ex girlfriend.

In my opinion, you have two options at this point.

Option 1- Do nothing and stay friend zoned forever.

Option 2- Try the no contact rule and attempt to work your way out of the friend zone.

I took the liberty of italicizing the correct option for you going forward.

Look, I know it may go against every fiber of your being to do a no contact rule on your “friend” but you are going to have to do something drastic to catch her attention and flat out ignoring her for 21 – 45 days is a pretty drastic action.

Why You HAVE To Use The No Contact Rule On Your Ex

You are friend zoned and a great first step to not only get your ex girlfriend back but to get out of the friend zone is by using the no contact rule to your advantage.

Now, you may be asking yourself,

“Why would I ignore my ex out of the blue like that?”

Do you remember what I said above about her using you for emotional support while you don’t get anything in return?

Well, if you continue to let her use you for emotional support then she is just going to continue taking you for granted. In other words, her behavior isn’t going to change.

Hypothetically if you use the no contact rule on her then you are going to make her realize how much she relied on you and you are going to create this feeling of longing for emotional support from you again with her.

For example, lets say that your ex has friend zoned you and you decide to use the 21 day no contact rule on her and around day 7 of this no contact period she reaches out to you because she is very stressed at work and she needs someone to talk to .

Now, before the no contact rule you would have been her knight in shining armor when it came to listening to her problems but now when she reaches out to you there is no response…

You ignore her.

While she may be a little upset at first that feeling of anger is going to be replaced with the felling of loneliness as she now has no one to listen to her problems.

You may worry that she will find someone else to “replace you” if you ignore her.

I hear that one a lot from readers of this site.

Here is what I would like to say to that.

Why would you be upset about being replaced?

That’s a good thing!

Let her friend zone some other guy while you position yourself as a guy who has a legitimate chance to date her.

What Is The No Contact Rule?

Oh, I am sorry.

I may have gotten a little too excited and just told you about the no contact rule without actually explaining what it is.

The no contact rule is an idea that I feature in my book, Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO, that basically means that you ignore your ex in every form imaginable.

If you start ignoring her and she sends you a message like this,

Screen Shot 2015-05-18 at 9.58.27 AM

Do you continue ignoring her?


You ignore her calls, her Facebook messages, her texts messages.

This is a complete freeze out and you can’t slip up and respond to her once.

This obviously means you can’t see her in person.

Now, at this point you are probably wondering,

“How long do I have to stay in this no contact period?”

Good question!


for eh ver

No I am just kidding…

God, can you imagine a NC that lasts forever? You would actually do that if you wanted to completely get rid of your ex which you clearly don’t want to do.

I usually have three time frames that I recommend for the no contact rule.

  • A 21 day time frame.
  • A 30 day time frame.
  • A 45 day time frame.

Can you guess which one I like recommending to men?

What To Do After The No Contact Rule To Get Out Of The Friend Zone

You have already taken a massive step to getting out of the friend zone if you have done the no contact rule but doing that alone isn’t going to completely pull you out. No, you need to do a lot more.

Below I have created a graphic illustrating everything that you need to be doing after the no contact rule is implemented on your ex girlfriend,


As you can see there are three main things that I want you to be doing after the no contact rule and they are all an attempt to force your ex girlfriend to look at you like a man of higher value, a man worth dating.

  1. Reverse Friend Zone Her
  2. Give Her Mixed Signals
  3. Be Willing To Walk Away

Do you know what any of this means?

I’d be shocked if you did because I haven’t explained it yet.

What I would like to do for you now is give an in-depth explanation on each of the three main things that you are supposed to be doing after the no contact rule to get out of being in the friend zone with your ex girlfriend.

Lets start with the reverse friend zone.

Reverse Friend Zone Her

Take a look at the woman below,

pretty woman

She’s pretty, right?

What if I told you that you hold the power to dating her in your hands right now?

Would you believe me?

Most of you probably don’t but that’s ok. I am going to make believers out of you today so pay attention.

Lets imagine that the girl above throws herself at you and showers you with all kinds of compliments and asks you out on a date (dinner and a movie.)

Would you say yes?

99% of you probably would.

Well, 99% of you just failed at getting into a relationship with her.


Because that is what she is used to. She is used to wrapping men around her tiny little fingers. She is used to men saying yes to her every request.

(Hey, with great looks comes great power.)

It’s the 1%  that did the opposite of what the 99% did that actually get to opportunity to be in a relationship with the girl above.


What did the 1% do that the 99% did not?

Well, the 1% had the power to put the girl above in the friend zone.

The idea of the reverse friend zone is predicated on the idea that humans want what they can’t have. So, by reverse friend zoning your ex girlfriend you are putting yourself in a position where SHE is being friendzoned by you rather than the other way around.

I guess the question you have on your mind now is, how?

How can you implement a reverse friend zone?

How To “Reverse Friend Zone” Your Ex Girlfriend

What do women who have friend zoned you do once they have you in the friend zone?

Well, for starters they walk all over you…


They talk to you about the men they want to date…

super friends

They make you do ridiculous things for them…

friend zone 9000

Oh, and my personal favorite…

They make you get these awesome rings!

epic friend zone

Ok, all kidding aside women have given you a gift by friend zoning you.

(I am a glass half full kind of guy and try to turn negatives into positives so bear with me here.)

What is the gift that women have given you?

They’ve given you a complete game plan for how to reverse friend zone them.

Seriously, just do exactly what they did to you, to them.

For example, lets pretend that you are moving into a new apartment and you need help moving. Well, in that case the thing that you want to do is call up your ex girlfriend and ask her to help you move (just like she would call you up and ask you to help her move.)

Assuming she says yes (which we will for this example) make her help you for hours with the move.

After all the heavy lifting and work is done walk over to her and say this exact phrase to her,

“Thank you so much (insert exes name) I couldn’t have done this without you. You are a great FRIEND.”

Another popular way that you can reverse friend zone your ex is talk to her about your relationship troubles.

For example, talk to her about a cute girl you saw on the job the other day and how you are thinking of asking her out. Ask for her advice on how to do that. You want your ex to feel like she isn’t a top priority to you anymore. In fact, if you do this right you can incite some jealousy.

One last thing before we move on.

Friend zoning an ex girlfriend isn’t going to be an overnight process. It is going to take time and you are going to have to stick with it but if you do it correctly your ex is going to be the one that where you are right now and you are going to be where she is.

Do you see how the roles completely reversed there?

Pretty cool, huh?

Ok, lets move on to sending mixed signals.

Sending Mixed Signals To Your Ex Girlfriend

mixed signals

Another way you can really mess with your ex girlfriends mind and get her to classify you outside of the friend zone is to send her mixed signals.

Now, what do I mean when I say,

“Send your ex girlfriend mixed signals?”

Well, I don’t mean ask her out on a date one day and stand her up the next.

While technically that is a “mixed signal” that isn’t the type of mixed signal I want you to send.

Remember, your goal here isn’t just to get out of the friend zone it is to actually get her back. So, don’t alienate her to the point where she never wants to see you again because you stood her up on a date.

We are looking for “light” mixed signals.

A few examples spring to mind.

The first one is an actual story that happened to me.

So, get your popcorn out and get ready to laugh.

My Mixed Signal Story

A very long time ago I liked a girl and I was under the assumption that she liked me too.

(You know that any time a story starts off that way it’s going to be bad.)

We went on a date and I remember thinking after the date ended that it went extremely well.

I was on!

She laughed at all my jokes.

We talked for a good hour or two about family values and all that good stuff.

I literally thought I was a shoe in for a second date.

Boy was I wrong.

After the date was over I remember telling her,

“We should do this again, that was really fun”

Her response,

“Absolutely, I had a great time!”

Now, I am the type of guy that likes to lock down plans ahead of time so I immediately went to work on the second date a few days after the first date.

Screen Shot 2015-05-18 at 10.19.06 AM


Second date locked up.

Except a few days later I get this text,

Screen Shot 2015-05-18 at 10.21.10 AM

Could she be standing me up?

Nah… I am sure she is telling the truth.

So, like any great man I tried to adapt to the change and ask her out again which she accepted and then promptly stood me up again.

This happened three times before I finally got the hint.

And then one day out of the blue she texts me this,

Screen Shot 2015-05-18 at 10.22.37 AM

Just to clarify I haven’t kissed this girl or even come close to it.

I am a bit of a prude that way.

So, I was a little taken aback when she texted me that one day.

I mean, when a girl texts you that she misses you and wants to kiss you, you begin to think she may like you.

Well, that was the last I heard from her for a couple of weeks and then when I brought the kissing text up to her she said that she was in the hospital and was delirious when she sent it…

Hmm… I seem to be getting a lot of mixed signals from this girl and I didn’t like it.

Nevertheless, the mixed signals from her made me think she might want to date me for the stretch of six months.

Yes, I was on the hook for six months.

Now, imagine if you can do this to your ex girlfriend and get her on your hook for six months.

Pretty powerful stuff, huh?

I mean, not only will you friend zone her but by sending her mixed signals she will constantly think she has a chance to get you and then think she won’t and then think she will.

Mixed Signals Creates A Roller Coaster Effect

What is the one thing roller coasters and mixed signals have in common?

They take you up and down and all around!


A roller coaster takes you on a big climb and then a big drop and then on another climb again and then on another drop again.

Heck, sometimes a roller coaster spins you for a loop…

Take a look at the graphic above for a visual reference point if you need it.

Everyone loves roller coasters, right?

We are addicted to them.

They excite us.

They make us want to ride them again and again.

Mixed signals in a relationship kind of do the same thing that a roller coaster does.

They make us think that we are going to get into a relationship with someone and then they take that hope away right when we think we have it in the bag and then at the very last moment they restore the hope again.

You need to do this to your ex girlfriend and create a roller coaster effect that will cause her to continually chase you.

Now, you may be wondering if women even like this.

YES but they won’t ever admit it.

On my other site, Ex Boyfriend Recovery, the number one question I get asked from women besides,

“Should I do the no contact rule?”


“Why does he keep sending me mixed signals?”

These are women are are actively looking to try to get their ex boyfriends back. Heck, these women could be your ex girlfriend if you do this tactic correctly and then everyone wins. Your ex works to get you back and she visits my other site 😉 .


Lets move on and talk about the walking away portion of getting out of the friend zone.

Sometimes You Have To Be Willing To Walk Away To Get The Girl

walk away

I am just going to level with you.

Sometimes the guy that is willing to walk away is the guy that gets the girl.

What do I mean by that?

Lets say that you try all of the methods above.

You friend zone your ex…

You implement the roller coaster method I talked about…

You try the no contact rule…

Essentially you do everything right and despite all of your efforts she still won’t look at you as a potential love interest.

Sometimes the smartest thing that you can do to win her back is to just walk away and end your relationship with her entirely.

What I mean by that is to just flat out end your association with her entirely.

Move on!

Is it extreme?


Can it be effective?


But why?

Well, sometimes women get a bit of the grass is greener syndrome in that as they go out and experience other things they begin to realize how good they had it with you and begin to want you back.

I would like to tell you a story that I have dealt with recently where this very thing happened.

Last month with my other site, Ex Boyfriend Recovery, I began a podcast where I allowed women to record a voicebmail and I would answer their questions on air. One of the first women to call in had the following question,

Should I take my ex boyfriend back?

What had happened in her situation is that he broke up with her and then as she moved on and improved her life he took notice and began to want to be a part of her life again. It made me think that sometimes the best thing anyone can do to re-attract their ex is to completely press the reset button and revisit the situation later after they have significantly improved her life.

Imagine the following scenario.

Your ex girlfriend friend zones you.

You try to combat this by using my advice above but nothing works.

So, after coming to this realization you decide to just move on with your life.

You work on improving your life and finding inner peace, happiness, success and all that good stuff.

After a year passes your ex girlfriend calls you out of the blue and seems to be interested in you again. After you try some very basic “get your ex back” techniques you find yourself on a date with her…

All of a sudden you appear to be out of the friend zone and it was all made possible because you walked away.

I can’t tell you how many situations I have seen that turn out this way exactly…

Food for thought.	

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