By Chris Seiter

Updated on November 17th, 2022

Knowing what to say to your ex girlfriend can be kind of complicated. Of course, knowing what to use to say it to her is an entirely different matter altogether.

This guide is going to be focusing in on that.

Not the “what to say” part but the “what to use to say it” part.

In my mind there are 5 main ways that most people communicate with their exes after a breakup. Take a look at those ways below,

  1. Email
  2. Text Messages
  3. Phone Calls
  4. Social Media (Facebook)
  5. Apps (WhatsApp, Snapchat, etc)

As I said above, this guide is focusing specifically on the best way to contact your ex girlfriend. Oh, and in case you are wondering some ways are better than others. First though, I think its good to put this article in perspective.

Follow The Progression Of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back

I have made it clear throughout this site that my main goal is to improve your chances of getting your ex girlfriend back. I wish more than anything that I could guarantee that you could get her back 100% of the time but I would be lying if I made you that promise. So instead, using my knowledge and experience all I can guarantee you is that your chances will drastically improve if you follow my methods.

Of course, the thing you have to understand is that there is a certain progression that must be followed in order to maximize your chances.

This progression, at a birds eye view is actually quite simple and looks like this,

As you can see, this progression starts with the no contact rule which then inevitably forces you to improve during your no contact period. After your period is over we progress to concepts like communication, setting up a date and actually reuniting.

Well, this page, The Best Way To Contact Your Ex Girlfriend, is going to be focusing strictly on this part of the progression,

As you can see, the part we are focusing on with this page is “communication.”

What does this mean?

Well, it means that you need to do the no contact rule before you even think about communicating with your ex girlfriend.

Take a look above at the “progression” graphics. Notice that before you even think about contacting your ex girlfriend you are supposed to use the no contact rule and improve yourself during the no contact rule. So, the thing I wanted to make you aware of is that if you haven’t completed your no contact rule yet then you cannot use any of what I am talking about in this guide yet.

Ok, now that we have that out of the way lets focus on what the best way to contact your ex girlfriend is.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Five Ways Of Contacting Your Ex Girlfriend

high five

As I said above, there are five general ways that exes try to get back in touch with exes. What we are going to be exploring is which of those ways are best for your situation.

To recap, our five methods of contacting an ex are,

  1. Email
  2. Text Messages
  3. Phone Calls
  4. Social Media (Facebook)
  5. Apps (WhatsApp, Snapchat, etc)

Now, I have thought long and hard about this and I will be the first to admit that there are definitely some methods of contact that are better than others and there is a certain way you should go about contacting your ex as well.

Lets talk a little about that now.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

Take the quiz

How To Go About Contacting Your Ex Girlfriend

talk to me

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Imagine for a moment that person A (a man) was trying to get person B (a woman) back after a break up. Person A has done everything right to start out. He has done the no contact rule. He has had a period of self reflection, self improvement and has prepared mentally to do what he has to do to win the love of his life back (person B.)

Well, if person A gets to over excited and tries to much at once he is probably going to be flat on his face.

Women love to be romanced and where is the romance in ignoring someone for a certain period of time and then trying to get them back all at once.

No, I am afraid it is going to take a lot more than that to succeed. Your best bet is to go slow and let things progress almost naturally.

How do we do accomplish this?

Probably by using a very non-threatening method of contact, text messages.

Once you have “sort of” re-inserted yourself back into your exes life or day to day routine with text messages you then can focus on kicking things up a notch.

What is the best way to do that?

Well, by using a cell phone to call your lady love of course!

(I know, I know, “lady love” is kind of a lame thing to say but I am going with it.)

Once you get on the phone with your ex you can really make some progress in re-attracting her and ultimately seal a date for yourself.

So, to recap really quickly,

  • After no contact use text messages.
  • Text messages lead to phone calls.
  • And phone calls lead to dates.

The Importance Of Timing

bad timing

Timing matters…

Timing matters a lot…

We are here to explore which method of contact is the best to use to get your ex girlfriend back and it just so happens that the answer to that question really depends on timing.

For example, text messages are a great method of contact at first. However, you can’t expect to be texting your ex girlfriend throughout the entire process of getting her back.

Why not?

Well, because the benefits of talking to her on the phone can be much greater than through text messaging (I will explain why later.) Of course, if you were to call your ex girlfriend all the time it might be a little much and a little weird.

There is only a certain segment of time where phone calls to your ex are better than text messages.

What segment of time is that?

It’s one where you have built up enough attraction through text messages that both of you want badly to talk on the phone to each other.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

Take the quiz

So, in that moment, in that singular moment where you both want to talk to each other on the phone the phone call becomes more effective than the text message.

The Five Methods Of Contacting Your Ex Girlfriend

(And Which Ones Are Better Than The Others)

3 hour high five

At the beginning of this guide I told you that there were six main ways that I see couples trying to communicate with one another.

Do you remember what those six “methods of contact” were?

  1. Email
  2. Text Messages
  3. Phone Calls
  4. Social Media (Facebook)
  5. Apps (WhatsApp, Snapchat, etc)

In this section I am going to be going over each of these methods of contacting and telling you what I think about them. You will learn that some of these methods of contact are better than others and some you shouldn’t use at all.

In other words, I am going to be telling you the benefits and risks with using each of them.

Lets start with email,


email meme

Did you know that the first email ever sent was actually sent in 1971?

Unfortunately, it would be a long while before email would become mainstream.

Of course, when that day finally arrived, where email was used by the vast majority of people, it was captivating. In fact, it was so captivating that Hollywood even jumped on the bandwagon and started making movies about it or more specifically how email could be used to form relationships.

You’ve Got Mail (anyone?)

youve got mail

Of course, times have changed a bit since those days.

It is a rarity to see couples using their actual emails during the “courting process” or more accurately in your case the “re-courting process.”

So, what are my thoughts on emails?

Well, believe it or not I think there is a time and a place for emails but that time and place probably isn’t best when you are trying to get your ex girlfriend back.

Why It’s Not A Good Idea To Use Email

If your ex girlfriend is anything like me then she probably only checks her personal email once in a blue moon. In fact, the only email that I check constantly is my work email. Besides, I don’t really associate romance with emails anymore. I associate it with text messages since everyone holds their phone as a personal sanctuary that they don’t want to let anyone except themselves see.

When You Are Forced To Use Email

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Imagine for a moment that you and your ex girlfriend had a massive argument before you broke up.

Lets go to the extreme here and say that you cheated on your ex girlfriend. Well, your ex is probably going to be so angry at you that she won’t want to talk to you at all. In fact, she is so upset with you that she blocks you through every form imaginable.

You can’t text her..

You can’t call her..

You can’t even Facebook her..

She has the full lock down initiated and you are literally feeling hopeless. Of course, there is still one form of communication that she left open, probably on purpose.


The only time that I would say that you should use email to get your ex girlfriend back is if you find yourself forced to. In other words, if it is your only way of getting in touch with her. Other than that though I think that there are way more effective methods of contact that you can employ to improve your chances of winning your ex girlfriend back.

Lets move on to one of those methods with text messaging.

Text Messages

come chill

I think text messages are a fantastic creation.

It allows you to be close to your significant other throughout the entire day without being too clingy.

For example, the average couple will text each other when they wake up, text each other throughout the day and probably every night as well. That is just normal in a healthy relationship because both people want to be close to each other.

Of course, there is always a risk with over texting but we aren’t talking about that right now. No, we are just focusing on the actual method of texting.

So, why is it that texting is such a great way to contact your ex girlfriends.

The Advantages of Texting

I alluded to something pretty interesting above when I said that everyone holds their phones as a personal sanctuary.

Speaking personally I must check my phone at least one hundred times a day.

What am I checking for?

Text messages of course!

So, it’s a pretty safe bet to say that your ex girlfriend is going to see your text message to her immediately and probably respond immediately as compared to an email which she might not see for days after you send your email to her.

But that’s not the best part of using text messages.

This entire website focuses on how to get your ex girlfriend back. Well, right now what do you associate with your ex girlfriend?

A lot of emotion.

Some of it angry..

Some of it happy…

Heck, maybe some of it horny…

My point is simple, when it comes to the topic of your ex girlfriend you are likely to get emotional and sometimes that is not a good thing. Imagine for a moment that your ex girlfriend says a comment to you about your family that really sets you off (in that it makes you mad.)

Well, if you were on the phone with her you are likely to react in a negative way and snap back at her which might ultimately end up in a fight between the two of you.

Text messaging allows you the luxury to think before you press that send button. It allows you to be calm, even when you are super upset.

Now, I don’t know about you but that seems like a pretty good safeguard to have in place.

In other words, texting gives you the luxury of having time to think about what you are going to say.

Phone Calls

phone calls

Talking on the phone is a great way to build attraction with your ex girlfriend.

In fact, I would say that talking on the phone with your ex NEEDS to happen if you really want to have a shot at succeeding.

Of course, like I said there is a certain way that you should go about doing this.

The Correct Way To Talk To Your Ex On The Phone

Take a look at the two big graphics I provided at the beginning of this guide.

You will notice in them that I talk about the progression that a man should go through when it comes to contacting his ex.

To give you a quick recap,

NC – Self Improvement – Communication – Setting Up A Date – Reconnection

This is the overall progression for the overall game plan that goes into getting an ex girlfriend back. Well, as it turns out there is also a progression that goes into the “communication” portion of the overall game plan.

After the no contact rule you can’t just call your ex up and ask her on a date.


What is the best way that I can put this?

Ok, imagine for a moment that your best friend in the whole world (guy or girl it doesn’t matter) blows you off for a month straight and then out of the blue he/she gives you a call and asks to hang out with you.

You are probably going to sit there and go,

“Whoa, what the heck? Where is this coming from? After all that time of you ignoring me you have the audacity to just think I’ll want to hang out with you without figuring out why you ignored me?”

I see so many men make this mistake it’s not even funny.

They get so amped up while doing the no contact rule that they try to force results by calling their ex rather than letting things unfold naturally.

Besides, the last time I checked exes don’t just reward dates to exes without some work from one party and in this case YOU are going to have to be that party.

Why Can’t I Call Right After No Contact?

It’s weird isn’t it?

I tell you that its arguable that calling an ex is a more powerful form of communication than texting an ex yet I also tell you that you can’t call your ex right after the no contact rule.


Well, calling your girlfriend right after NC may be a little too much for her to handle. Besides, do you remember what I said about text messaging and emotions?

This is your ex girlfriend we are dealing with here and that means that emotions are going to run high if you talk to each other on the phone and you know how the saying goes right?

When emotions run high logic runs low.

My point here is simple.

The last thing we want is you getting in a fight with your ex girlfriend since that isn’t going to do anything to help your quest in getting her back.

Still don’t believe that you won’t get emotional on the phone?

Ok, try this on for size.

Imagine that you do call your ex girlfriend up immediately after the breakup. Imagine that you call her with the intent of taking her out on a date. You have been waiting 21 days for this moment and you are extremely excited to hear her voice for the first time.

So, you call….

The phone rings…

And rings…

And rings…

And rings…

No answer…

21 days of waiting in this no contact period and she doesn’t even have the decency to pick up the phone?

Anger is starting to boil inside of you.

So, against your better judgement, you decide to call her again.

This time she picks up and greets you with an annoyed,


Ok, you have her on the phone but you are a little angry that you had to call her twice and she is giving you this attitude.

The two of you immediately start to fight and the next thing you know she is ending the conversation with a,


Do you see the risks of calling too soon?

Using Texts For Phone Calls

I just went through the nightmare scenario that happens to men who try for too much to soon with phone calls.

I am sure reading that scared you off a little from using the phone on your ex girlfriend. Well, let me tell you something.

Don’t be scared.

Talking on the phone with your ex girlfriend is an excellent way to build attraction if you use texts to build attraction first.


Think of it like this.

If you can make your ex girlfriend excited to talk to you on the phone through text messages don’t you think that your phone conversation with her is going to go more positively?

In other words, make sure you use text messages first to get her in a positive mindset before you even try calling her on the phone.

Social Media (Facebook, Twitter, Etc.)

social media

(If you haven’t already read my guide on Facebook then I suggest you take about ten minutes or so and go over it.)

I guess the question we are trying to explore here is if there is any place for using social media like Facebook when it comes to contacting your ex girlfriend.

I am going to make this as simple as possible.

Facebook, Twitter and other popular social networks are not the best way to contact your ex girlfriend.


Because there is a disconnect and it doesn’t feel as personal to women.

I don’t know how to explain it but talking on the phone and texting a girl feels like you are talking one on one with that girl.

It doesn’t even really make sense does it?

I mean, technically if you start a Facebook conversation with someone you would be talking one on one to them wouldn’t you?

I suppose the best way to describe this would be that when you talk to someone you are interested in what do you ask for?

Their Facebook?

No, you ask them for their number.


Because, everyone knows that text messaging and phone calls are more powerful than getting someones social media information.

Of course, that doesn’t necessarily mean there isn’t a place for social media.

When Is It Best To Use Social Media?

Social media is usually at it’s best when it is used while in a relationship to send cute things back and forth between you and your significant other. It’s also a way of claiming your territory from other men who may be on the sidelines waiting for a moment to pounce.

Of course, social media sites like Facebook are perfect for indirect contact as well.

If you’d like a crash course on how to do that make sure you read this guide.

The ONE Case You Can Use Social Media Like Facebook

A few days ago a man posed a very interesting question to me.

“If your ex girlfriend blocks you from texting or calling her what do you do then?”

Well, gentlemen, this is a situation where you will probably be forced to go outside the normality of texting a phone calls to make contact with your ex. You are going to have to search for other means of contact and in many cases that means social media sites or texting apps…

This is the ONE instance in which I think it is ok to contact your ex girlfriend through a site like Facebook.

Other than that though, stick to texting and phone calls.

Apps (WhatsApp, Snapchat, Etc.)


I am kind of old school when it comes to my cell phone which is kind of strange for someone who makes websites for a living.

For the longest time as a teenager I had a flip phone. When I entered college I finally decided to try out a smartphone so I got a Google Nexus (the old version.) Then once I was out of college I decided to finally try out an iPhone 4S (the phone I still have by the way.)

With the introduction of that iPhone I was introduced to apps for the first time.

Well, what I would like to talk about here are the texting applications that you could download to have a conversation with someone.

I remember the first time someone told me to text them through a texting application.

I literally thought to myself,

“What the heck? Why don’t you just use regular texting through the phone?”

Nevertheless, I did see the benefits of it as it could potentially save you a lot of money.

Of course, I could never really get that into it. I was used to regular texting and I hated having to open my phone up, unlocking it and then checking the actual application to see if I received a message or not.

(I was too lazy to figure out how to make my lock screen send a notification to me.)

Nevertheless, I have seen a lot of stuff through this website and I do know that a lot of couples utilize these types of texting applications on their phones as opposed to actual text messages.

So, where do these types of applications fall in the grand scheme of things.

A List Of “Texting” Applications

  • WhatsApp
  • Kik Messenger
  • Snapchat
  • IM+

I think that these types of “texting” applications can replace actual text messages only if you and your ex communicated solely through them.

Let me give you an example.

Some couples do not use regular text messaging at all. Instead, they use WhatsApp or Kik Messenger to send texts back and forth to each other. Well, if you and your ex did this then I think it is completely ok if you contact her through one of these apps since this is the norm for you and your relationship.

Remember though, the same type of rules apply to these texting apps as regular text messaging.

  • Wait until after NC
  • Build attraction
  • Then try to get a phone call going.

The Situation It’s Not Ok To Use These Apps In

Imagine for a moment that you and your ex girlfriend were frequent texters (regular texting through the cell phone.)

After the breakup your ex gets so mad that she blocks you from everything.

She blocks you from texting her, calling her and she even blocks you from Facebook. You feel completely in the dark. Your only options at this point are to write her a letter, email her or show up her house like a creep. Ah, but then you get an idea.

You remember that she utilizes Snapchat on her phone to sometimes message her friends.

You never downloaded Snapchat because you thought it was kind of stupid.

So, in a last ditch effort to contact her you download Snapchat and send her a message/picture/video.

Why is this a bad idea?

Well, for one she is going to know that you are desperately trying to get in touch with her and desperation does not scream attractiveness at all. But mostly its just downright creepy.

Seriously, you do not want her thinking you are a stalker.

author avatar
Chris Seiter	

Related Articles