By Chris Seiter

Updated on July 1st, 2022

If you have arrived at this site, then I bet you are looking for some handy dandy rules for getting back with your ex girlfriend.

It suffices to say that the stages of getting back with your girlfriend are very important to know, understand, and master.

The focus of this article is to help you down the path you should be traveling.

Make no mistake – there are many paths you can choose from.  Most will end up in dead ends.  Several can lead to disastrous results.

You see, this business of getting an ex girlfriend back, while it may not be a perfect science, does follow a certain set of rules and guidelines.

If you learn to follow these guidelines, with an eye towards pragmatism, it can lead to a much better outcome.

So let’s talk first about the rules around this whole process.  That way you know directly what kind of things you should or should not do.

Then we are going to turn our attention to the Stages of ex recovery.

Yes, that’s right.  While there are certain rules you want to adhere to, in order to be successful you need to have an Ex Recovery Plan that is rolled out in Stages.

So let’s get on with it!

The 10 Rules For Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back

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So let me ask and state the obvious.

Are there only 10 rules you need to know about in order to help you win her back?


In reality, there are a whole bunch of things you need to know.

But if we dissect everything to its barest details, you will never get through this article.  So let’s stick with what I call the “high hard ones” – those ex recovery rules that are the most important ones.

1. Don’t Do Anything Without a Plan

After a breakup, the temptation is to rush out and start trying things, all kinds of things to get her back.


It’s much better to pull back from the temptations you have and allow for some time to digest what has happened.

If you have not done so already, I would recommend you pick up my Ex Recover Program, “Ex Girlfriend Recovery Pro”.

Without a sensible ex back plan, you are left with reacting and improvising, and that is usually a losing strategy.

2. Avoid Thinking With Your Heart and Emotions

One of the most frequent mistakes I see my clients commit is when they start making important decisions based not on logic and strategy, but rather on the emotions of the moment.

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Let there be no doubt, you will be flooded with all kinds of ideas and notions.

Your challenge is to try and look at the big picture of where you are, how you got there, and what you should be doing going forward.

3. Keep a Positive Attitude Because the Odds Favor You

positive guy

Most of my clients are so broken up and depressed they end up underestimating their chances of getting their girlfriend back.

My research show you have around a 43% chances of getting your ex back.  Imagine how much more those chances can improve if you are following a sensible Ex Recovery Plan.

4. Choose The Right Period of No Contact

Once you get underway with my Program, you will learn that in many cases, the best approach going forward is to implement the No Contact Rule.

Part of doing this correctly is choosing the right period of time that you should be in No Contact.

The range of time varies depending on each individual situation.

I go into this in more detail in my eBook.  But to give you an idea of what we are talking about here, consider the periods of 14 days, 21 days, 30 days, or 45 days as options.

5. If She Contacts You (During No Contact) Don’t Respond (Yet)

One of the other challenges of being successful in getting your ex back is not giving in when your ex girlfriend reaches out.

Breaking No Contact, much more often than not, is a mistake.

Of course, there are always exceptions. Though I should note that, that entire discussion can get fairly involved.

The key is you need to allow for some time to go by and when it’s time to initiate contact, doing it correctly and with a strategic purpose is crucial.

6. Work on Yourself

Another important element of my Program is you really need to turn your focus on “you”.

That usually involves taking time to heal and gain some perspective about what has happened and what you can learn from it.  It also involves you working on being the best version of yourself.

Many of my clients are wounded after going through a breakup.  Picking up the pieces is often no easy task.  Sometimes it helps to have a recovery strategy which is something I discuss in great detail in my Program.

7. When It’s Time, Reach Out To Her The Right Way

Eventually, there will come a time when you want to initiate contact.

There is a method I recommend in how and when this should be done.

There is no one right answer as what you say and how you say it.  But there are plenty of wrong ways of communicating.

The key is to keep it short and to arouse your ex girlfriend’s interest.  I talk about this in more detail in this article here.

8. Don’t Give Up – Think Long Term

No matter how well you follow my Program guidelines, you are likely to encounter some obstacles.

You may stumble along the way and end up breaking no contact.

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Or it may take longer for your ex girlfriend to be in the right mind such that she becomes receptive to your efforts to communicate.

Or you may start making some progress with her, only to have a setback.

Whatever happens that causes you to lose confidence and faith, just know that this whole challenge of winning back your ex girlfriend is a process.  It won’t be accomplished in a few days or even a few weeks in most cases.

It can be a grind and you may need to exhaust all of the various strategies before you find success.

And even when you think it’s all over for good and you have decided to move on – sometimes moving on, without really completely moving on, is a viable and pragmatic choice.

My point is that you should be prepared for setbacks.

9. When You Gain Traction With Your Ex, Take It Slow

There will come a time when you will re-start communications with your ex and an important lesson is not to rush through this very important stage.

Think in terms of less is more.

Don’t feel like you need to solve all the past problems.  Just having a pleasant and positive communication, however brief it might be, can do you both wonders.

It’s when you get a full head of steam and try to delve into the past or make demands or start setting expectations of when the two of you should get together again – this is when things usually break down.

In the beginning, be content with small victories.

10. You Must Fix the Core Problem

Eventually, you may get to a place where the two of you are largely on the same page.

You both want to give it another go.

Just don’t forget that there was something that happened (i.e. the core problem) that led to the breakup.

Whatever this is, it will need to be addressed and done so in the spirit of compromise.

If you just forget about it and scoot it under the carpet like it never happened – guess what?  It will come back and it will be worse.

The Four Stages of Ex Girlfriend Recovery

finding peace

If one wishes to look at the ex recovery process from a big picture view, it should become apparent that there are four key stages.  Let’s summarize them.

Stage 1 – Accepting Your Situation and Moving Forward

When things fall apart in your personal life as a result of a breakup, it doesn’t mean that the sky is falling.

It may feel that way for a few hours or days, but be assured that you are a lot more adaptable and capable of moving past this pain than you realize.

It starts with accepting your situation.  No amount of begging or pleading with her is going to bring her back.

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What matters is what lies ahead and that should be your focus.

Stage 2 – Living Within the No Contact Period

One of the most effective strategies you should seriously consider employing is the No Contact Rule.

But doing No Contact is more than just sitting around and counting the days to pass.  The most important element is doing things to help yourself heal.

You don’t necessarily need a therapist or personal counselor to help you get through these troubled times.

There are a great many activities you can get involved in to lift yourself out of the funk.

Stage 3 – Making Your Move

The third key stage is taking the initiative when it’s time to make your move.

The time for no contact will eventually come to an end and when you make your first effort to connect, you will want to use a carefully crafted first contact text message.

Are there magical words you should use?


Will what you say, bring her to your doorstep or cause her to grab her phone and call you immediately?

Probably not.

But you do want to make an impression.

But you have to go about this in the right way.  I talk about texting tactics and the kind of things you should say to your ex in this post.

Stage 4 – Rebuilding The Relationship

So as you move into the final stage of ex back recovery, I want you to think big.

This is not about making a connection with your girlfriend and you both agreeing to put the past behind you.  It is much more.

But you can’t arrive at your destination unless you embark on your journey in the right way.

That means you need to take time to properly build value with her.  She has to know that you care and at the same time, you need to reel her in by taking little steps.

If you jerk too hard and try to pull her in without first putting in the effort to make improvements in yourself, you are likely doomed to repeat the same mistakes.

You see, rebuilding the relationship is more than just the two of you getting on the same page.

It’s much more.

You have to invest in yourself first, to be a better version of yourself.

Then you need, over time, to invest in the relationship, seeking ways to make it better.	

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