So what do 75% of all visitors to Ex Girlfriend Recovery have in common?
Well, if you answered that it’s about guys interested in regaining their girlfriends, you would be partially right.
So what about the other 25% of the visitors?
What do they have in common?
It turns out that about 25% of the visitors that swing by this website are female.
Indeed, the ladies who frequent this website hang around for a good spell and usually visit multiple articles.
Guess what, Guys?
They are coming by to check out what is going on in your lives.
Just like you, many of these ladies are looking to reunite with their Exes.
I think they come here to connect with the male psyche, hoping that it can help them with their situation
I believe that the women are interested in the experiences you are having and also what you have to say about them.
I think they are also curious about what kind of advice I am offering to you.
And I think our lady friends are a little bit obsessed.
Hey, I love it when the woman visit this site.
The more the merrier. I wish more women would weigh in under the comment section and tell us what they think.
Heck, the way I see it.
We are all fighting for love.
The truth is I also get a decent number of guys visiting the women’s website, Ex Boyfriend Recovery
Our Obsessions Make Prisoners of Us All
Everybody is interested in what is going on with the opposite sex.
Such is the reality in the battle of the sexes!
We like to snoop on each other. And that is because we care and we want to learn.
For some of us, we may care too much.
So what do I mean by that?
How can you care too much about your ex girlfriend?
Well, let me get back to statistics.
Let’s ask that question again. What else do 75% of the guys who come and visit this website have in common?
I think you have figured out.
The title of this post pretty much gives it away.
At least 75% of the men (and I get all sorts of ages) who visit this website experience periods of time where they are totally obsessed with their ex-girlfriend.
Often times, guys arrive at my website after they have churned through all kinds of obsessive emotions over their ex-girlfriend. Some have possibly acted upon these ideas that flooded their mind.
Chances are, whatever they did, they failed miserably.
Unfortunately, these intense feelings of wanting to be back together with your ex-girlfriend does not easily vacate the mind.
Our chaotic emotions and the longing to be reunited with our ex girlfriend can really do a number on us.
So what I am going to do for you is to lay out a game plan to try to help you if you consider yourself to be part of the club of men who can’t stop thinking about their ex-girlfriends.
Believe me, there is no shame in being a member of the lonely hearts club for men.
But it sure in the heck is not fun.
And you don’t want to spend anymore time in that place than you have to.
If it is any consolation, just know that million of guys find themselves trapped by their thoughts, seemingly unable to escape their obsessions over their ex girlfriend.
Let’s see if we can make some sense of it all.
At the very least, you need to know that feelings of obsession most likely will invade your mind.
It is helpful to know what actions you can take to turn off these obsessive, sometimes self destructive thoughts about your ex-girlfriend.
And before we get started, if it makes you feel just a tiny bit better, let me give you a little perspective.
Most of the women over on my other website, Ex Boyfriend Recovery, are in the same if not worse predicament.
And the advice I offer to them is almost identical to what I am about to tell you.
A Trip Down Your Relationship Memory Lane
There is a technique I use when I coach my clients.
I also sometimes apply this same approach when writing articles because to truly help someone deal better with the future, you need to help them understand the past.
The method of getting down to the bottom of an ex-girlfriend predicament and potentially solving it, lies with applying an investigative approach.
So we are going to play at detective.
Why must we understand the past?
Well for starters, things can happen so fast and events between you and your ex girlfriend could have transpired so quickly, you may have completely lost your way.
Just like a boat without its oars, you could be just floating around to and fro.
Right now you are probably a basket case.
You can’t think right, You should probably not be trusted to make any meaningful relationship decisions.
If you already feeling completely obsessed with your former girlfriend, then you are in a vulnerable place. If you can literally think of nothing else, then consider yourself out on that boat, at the mercy of the ocean.
For example, you have broken up with your girlfriend.
Let’s say she initiated the break up.
A few days have gone by and all you can think of is your ex girlfriend and how you might be able to get her back. You probably don’t even realize how obsessed you are.
Out of desperation, you fire off a text to your ex.
Then along comes a text message from her that tells you not to even bother calling or texting her again.
Like a thunderous squall, your ex-girlfriend comes raining down some more bad news, leaving you with a terrible sinking feeling.
Sometimes it seems the news from an Ex just makes things worse.
And guess what… you still find yourself thinking about her constantly.
Hours and days pass, yet you are still in a funk. You still can’t keep your mind off of her.
I am here to tell you that sometimes things happen in relationships that just suck.
You have to learn to weather the storm.
The technique that I often find useful, deals with looking at your situation from 5 different perspectives.
This approach will help you see the bigger picture.
And believe me Bro (and 25% of ladies), when I tell you your outlook and view of things is probably really skewed.
Remember, I am here to help you get your head screwed on right.
So we are going to have to do a little tripping down memory lane.
It turns out that dealing with and confronting the past events that led to the break-up, not only helps you address the truth of what unfolded, but it serves as a pathway for a solution.
I refer to it as my Get Your Ex Back Diagnostic Assessment.
Sounds pretty darn cool, doesn’t it! Well, it actually works!
The assessment for guys who are obsessed with their ex-girlfriends consists of asking questions surrounding the What, When, Where, Why, and How:
- What happened between you and your ex girlfriend?
- When did these feelings of obsession with your ex girlfriend start?
- Where are you when the obsessive thoughts usually happen?
- Why do you have these uncontrollable thoughts about your former girlfriend?
- How to stop these thoughts from happening and how this is important for getting your ex girlfriend back?
WHAT The Heck Happened Between Us?
Guys who find themselves in a obsessed state about their ex girlfriend are frequently plagued with the same thought, over and over again.
“What happened”, they ask themselves?
Everything seemed fine or at least OK, until boom, out of the blue the entire structure of the relationship came tumbling down.
And what makes the mental process you are experiencing so difficult is not just the fact you are separated from your ex girlfriend, but it is also that you are unsure what you did that was wrong.
So you stagger around, trying to solve the problem in your mind.
Maybe it all started with a fight or a series of little fights.
But you think to yourself that you have fought with your girlfriend before and this was not that bad of a fight.
Or perhaps, like a lightening bolt from the heavens, the person you thought was the love of your life, shocks you with the news that she no longer wants to be in the relationship.
Or, you go over to her apartment one day and she is crying and you don’t know why.
She says things that don’t make a lot of sense and you try to comfort her, but to no avail.
After hours of trying to patch things up because you feel her slipping away, she drops a bomb on you.
It turns out she is seeing another guy.
Or it could be she wants to just break it off with you or dial back the time you spend together.
No matter how many logical questions you ask and points you make, the whole thing is turned into a mess.
There are hundreds of different variations of these stories in which either your ex girlfriend instigated the break up or you pushed for it.
But now you want her back. But no matter how you try to “pitch it” she is not open to the idea.
And you are left confused, angry, sad, resentful and the common thread through all of these emotions is you constantly think about her.
You obsess over everything that happened that led to the break up. Your futile efforts to logically piece it together get you nowhere.
What you need is a News Flash.
So please give yourself a break from your obsessive thoughts about your ex-girlfriend.
While you might gain a little perspective by re-running all of the events leading up to and surrounding the break up, you will still be left with a giant Black Hole.
And if you try to think your way into understanding this Black Hole, it will drive you mad.
This is one of the reasons why you are obsessing.
You are thinking like a guy.
I sure can’t ask you to think like a woman, because it probably impossible to pull that off.
But you have to stop trying to make logical sense of what you ex-girlfriend said or did.
She herself, may not be able to tell you with any certainty.
At least not now, because if the two of you have recently parted ways, you both have been sucked into the black hole.
Don’t be surprised if you can’t make sense of her mind state.
Chances are, your mind state has also turned into a cluster frack.
But look, this is not all bad.
Things are usually seldom as bad as they may first feel and appear.
And as horrible as you may feel right now, guess what? You are going to feel better and better and better with time. Trust me on that.
I think the most important part of the “What” question we have asked in this section is for you to realize that what happened between you and your Ex is not something that is completely mysterious or unusual.
It happens every day…every minute.
Men and women seek to draw closer and form a lasting bond.
Sometimes these bonds can get weakened for any number of reasons.
It is just how things work between men and women.
After all, no matter what you may have thought beforehand, you and your ex-girlfriend are not perfectly compatible. No one is. No one is made perfectly for the other.
There is not a magical soul mate connection that exists between you and your Ex.
For relationships to work, both the man and woman need to work through the endless little challenges they face every day to become closer.
So while bonds can grow weaker due to compatibility issues or external issues, it is rare for the bond to be completely broken.
This is true, particularly if you and your girlfriend have spent a considerable amount of time together in the relationship.
Sometimes, breaking it off is just a normal growing pang of the relationship. But it should not become habit!
WHEN Did You Feel the Obsession Begin To Take Its Grip?
I once had a guy who I was coaching.
He and his girlfriend, Serenity (cool name, don’t you think), were having some troubles.
They had been together for about 9 months, so it was not like a really new relationship. They had history together, which is usually a good thing from a relationship coach’s perspective.
That had recently broken off the relationship and he was profoundly unhappy and really wanted her back in his life.
He said he did not want to break it off. And he thought she was reluctant to do so.
But he went on to explain that over a few weeks she started pulling away.
He noticed it in everything they did together. Even their conversations were less intimate. Finally, she said she needed some space and did not want him to contact her.
So, like a good relationship coach is suppose to do, I listened a lot. I seldom interrupted and would ask probing questions to try to understand the bigger picture.
On the face of it, Serenity (his girlfriend) sounded amazing.
He described her as pretty, intelligent, a good listener, and initially serious about the relationship. At least he thought she was serious about the relationship in the beginning, though the end result proved confusing to him.
I noticed something when I was chatting with my client.
We talked about 2 hours and during that period he frequently interrupted the conversation to check incoming text messages and a few phone calls.
Also, when he described the situation with his ex, he would go to great detail. It was like he had a photographic mind and had to describe every scene with his ex girlfriend to its fullest.
In addition, I noticed that every time he described an activity they did together, it was always his idea.
And in each case, he would point out various little things she did wrong.
Sometimes these were just small, little things, like she forgot her purse in the restaurant, but he noticed and went right back in to get it.
Or this was a time when she was driving and spent too much time in the slower lane. That one seemed to really get under his skin.
After awhile, it became evident to me that one of the problems that undoubtedly contributed to their break up was his controlling and obsessive personality.
So when I got to the part of the Assessment, I asked him,
“When did these feelings of obsession start with your ex-girlfriend?,”
It was obvious to me that his desire to control the relationship and obsess over everything associated with his girlfriend was a big problem that had to be addressed if he stood a chance of reuniting with her.
It is one thing to get caught up in the emotions of a break up and start thinking obsessively about your girl. This is normal, so long as it does not last too long. And I will show you how to break that troubling pattern.
But it is all together a different thing if your obsessions for your girlfriend have been a mainstay of how your always interacted with her.
That is big problem and the sooner you get to a place in your mind that you have been an “obsessive boyfriend”, the better your chance of regaining your ex.
Guys…. this is how it breaks down for most women…
But first just a little caveat…. Not all ladies fall into this description that I am about to give you, but the majority do.
Ready…. Ok, listen up:
Women hate to be controlled and possessed.
They enjoy being chased, but when you capture their heart, you best not cage her in or you are going to have all kinds of problems.
Women want to feel safe, both emotionally and physically.
But they do not want to be told what to do, all of the time.
It is OK if they want to try something you don’t really want to do. Let them have their experience with you by their side. Trying new things is part of your girlfriend’s makeup.
Steer away from dominating all of the conversation or constantly criticizing or correcting the woman in your life.
Now I have had some guys tell me something like,
“Look, Chris, that is all well and good, but I am not cut from that kind of cloth. When a women is in my life, I give myself completely to her and she is all mine”.
My response is usually,
“I understand what you are saying, Here is your money back. I can’t help you. If you continue to try and possess your girlfriend, you will FAIL. It is woven into the fabric a woman’s DNA.”
Thou shall not be POSSESSED
The plain, unvarnished truth is usually the only way that I can reach some people.
WHERE Am I When I Obsess About My Ex Girlfriend?
The short answer is you are in a bad place.
Clearly, no one want to be victimized by their own thoughts. But when thoughts take on a life of their on, like a runaway train, you sometimes have little choice but to hang on until the train runs out of fuel.
A little bit later, I am going to show you how to derail the train. You don’t have to allow yourself to get all fouled up, while waiting for your thoughts to run their course.
Yes, you are in a bad place when these thoughts of your ex-girlfriend pervade your every waking hour.
But more specifically, where do you find yourself when these thoughts are taking control of your mind?
Most men tell me they can be anywhere.
You know, that is sort of how it feels, right?
You don’t really want to have to think about her, but something happens and “boom”, the obsessions begin.
Take a look at your surroundings.
Are you in your bedroom when you are obsessing?
Is it when you are in the car driving down the road?
Could it be that it is happening all of the time, irrespective of where you are?
It is probably the last one, I bet.
Hopefully, not, but for many, the thoughts of their ex girlfriend are so powerful and persistent, you could be sitting on the toilet and you drift off into a zombie world of ruminations about your ex.
Now there’s a picture…
What we need is for you to do something that will break the spell.
Time is an ally of yours, right?
Certainly, with the passage of time, all of those thoughts of missing your Ex…
“What happened with my ex girlfriend?”
“How can I get her back?”
These thoughts will tend to fade a bit.
It is only natural.
That is what times does.
It’s like a giant eraser of experiences. We reset, and then we have more experiences.
But heck, you don’t want to have to wait for “time” to work its slow magic. You need some ideas now on “Where” you should be both emotionally and physically.
Hang in there, it’s coming.
WHY Am I Experiencing Lovesick Zombie Like Withdrawal Symptoms?
The short answer is Brain chemistry.
That is why you are feeling so screwed up. Dozens of emotions have wailed up in you and they all have supporting roles in messing with your mind.
Another reason why you can’t keep you mind off of your ex-girlfriend is that your brain has temporarily conspired with your subconscious to take control of you.
You may not be a real lovesick Zombie as we know them, but you would pass some of the tests.
Don’t believe me?
Ok, let’s test you:
- Do you walk around aimlessly since you and your Ex were no longer an “item?”
- Do you wear the same clothes over and over again?
- Do you look and feel horrible in the morning?
- Do you rarely comb your hair or brush your teeth since the break up?
- Do you have these episodes of long blank stares?
- Do you smell bad?
- Do you obsess over having certain things (like getting your ex back?)
Yep, if you can check off some of these, you are definitely experiencing Zombie like lovesick, withdrawal symptoms.
You see, when you and your Ex break up, a flood of emotions come cascading down upon you.
And behind most of these emotions are some very powerful brain chemicals.
Indeed, psychologists tell us that the feelings of abandonment and withdrawal, along with the deep pain associated with those feelings is not unlike a drug addict experiencing withdrawals symptoms when his drug of choice is withheld from him.
Many of the same chemicals that light up the love juices (like oxytocin the love hormone) when we are bonding and forming attraction and love, can also leave us in a vulnerable state when they drop off the brain chemistry radar.
So what do you suppose happens when the positive benefits of oxytocin are taken away?
It’s not a pretty picture.
And even worse, researchers now believe that oxytocin can be released in situations when the association is negative.
That is the dark side of the hormone.
Sorta like the Force, from Star Wars. It has a positive side that can be used for good, but it also has a dark side.
For example, the release of Oxytocin can heighten the effects of behaviors like envy, jealousy, suspicion.
That is all you needed, right? More of the bad stuff.
Hormones can be a bitch…
So, are you getting a better idea of what is contributing to some of your wild, running thoughts?
I hope so. But there is more.
There was a study done at Rutgers University by Helen Fisher. They rounded up some volunteers who had recently been subjected to a break up and decided to run a MRI scan of their brains.
What they saw was fascinating.
The subjects of the experiment showed increased braining activity in parts of the brain that dealt with obsessive-compulsive behaviors, addiction, and motivation.
Little wonder that we struggle so much when we are rebounding off of a failed relationship.
When you look at the brain as a whole, there are four key hormones that regulate our behavior.
These four hormones are important for us to wrap our minds around because of their influence on love and bonding (positive side of the force) and sadness, anxiety, and obsessive behaviors (dark side of the force).
These hormones include:
- Dopamine – causes us to seek out pleasure
- Cortisol – a hormone that regulates stress
- Norepinephrine – causes you to get very excited
- Serotonin – helps in stabilizing your mood
A Day in the life of A Love Addict
It does not take a rocket scientist to follow the associated linkages between these hormones.
First it takes a major external event to create some mood chaos in your life. So imagine that you get dumped (ex girlfriend breaks it off with you).
This triggers your serotonin levels to go down and your cortisol levels to rise. So now you feel sad, weary and stressed.
In an effort to make sense of this strange chemical cocktail, your brain pumps out more dopamine.
Good ole dopamine, the pleasure hormone. By golly, we need some this in our system after our Ex breaks up with us because we are indeed in mental mess.
But when more dopamine gets pumped out, it triggers more norepinephrine.
Yikes. Now we are getting all excited and that is not always a good thing.
Our mind starts racing, our energy levels are rising, along with anxiety. By the end of this chemical bath, many of have become prisoners of addictive, obsessive and lovelorn behaviors.
HOW Do You Stop Your Obsessions Over Your Ex Girlfriend?
Unfortunately, both you and your Ex have the same problem.
Neither of you have a brain button that you can just reach up and reset and make everything right.
There is not one singular thing you can do to turn off the voices in your head.
Putting things back in perspective with regard to your ex gf is truly a process. It will take some time for your brain chemistry to form a more regular and normal pattern.
But there are things you can do to help get to that place, faster. In fact I am going to give you a Game Plan consisting of 3 Key Actions. It consists of:
- Fitness is Your Road to Recovery
- The No Contact Rule Will Help You In Multiple Ways
- Grow in Wisdom
Ok, we will start with fitness.
START WITH FITNESS
If you are not into exercising, then you will soon become a fitness fan.
You can either pour all your negative energy into the darker sides of your feelings or you can turn a “lemon” into “lemonade”.
It is exceptionally important that you get busy with physical activity.
I don’t know about you, but one of my all time favorite films is Forrest Gump. Do you remember what Forrest did to put away the sorrows of his “Jenny”, leaving him?
Well, by golly, he just “Ran”.
And when he got to one coastline, he turned around and ran to the other coast.
Consider fitness to be your very best of pals.
Without it, you will have difficulty keeping those lovesick demons out of your mind.
I don’t need to go into great detail as to the types of exercises you should get involved in because there are many.
I would say though, participate in some form of physical exercise every day for at least 45 minutes.
If you run, go longer, but run slower. If you like biking, go for long rides. Whatever you do, make it into a journey.
I would also suggest you get plugged into listening to your favorite music while exercising. Music can be uplifting or calming, depending on what you listen to.
WHAT IS THE NO CONTACT RULE?
I am betting you already know the answer if you are familiar with my website.
I have plenty of articles that discuss it at length. But just in case you are suffering from a Zombie stupor, here is the quick version of the No Contact Rule.
For most people, it will be beneficial to not contact their Ex in any way (unless emergency or certain other exceptions when children are involved) for a period of 21 to 45 days.
The choice of the time period depends on many factors, but by and large, most people observe at least a 21 day No Contact Period.
The benefits are many.
One of the things that causes guys to get even more strung out about their Ex-girlfriends is when they seek to repair the relationship too soon.
Things often turn out badly when you re-engage with your Ex right after the break up.
Time itself is a healer and can cause two people to draw closer to their feelings.
Trust me, right after a break-up, your are not in the best frame of mind.
Use the No Contact Period to draw closer to your “true” self. You will need this time to objectively evaluate what things you might want to do differently in the future.
After a relationship break up, most guys zig…. immediately working aggressively to get the girl back.
You need to “zag”.
You don’t want to actively pursue your ex girlfriend.
Let the No Contact Period work on that part of the equation for now.
Eventually, because of the “bond” that is still intact between the two of you, your ex will wonder why you have not called.
She will start missing you, possibly a lot.
So when you are ready to contact her, you will be in the right frame of mind.
Another important thing I want you to do is grow in wisdom.
GROW IN WISDOM
You are already making strides in this department because of you are reading this post.
But I simply can’t squeeze in everything I know about how to deal with obsessions and how to get you Ex-girlfriend back, even in this long article.
If you want a a lot more insight on how to deal with your girlfriend problems, then read all of my articles.
Or more simply, purchase my comprehensive E-books that provides premium content on just about everything you would ever need to know.
I have written two e-books that I think would be an excellent fit for You.
The first publication is my core product and is called, “Ex-Girlfriend Recovery Pro“. The second publication is called “The Texting Bible” and was created at the urging of thousands of my visitors seeking more help with how to text their girlfriends or ex-girlfriends.
So if you are trying to corner some wisdom, keep on reading and learning.
Read some of the comments on my website to underscore that you are not alone.
And trust that good things (even great things) can happen for you.