What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExGirlfriend Back?

I Lost Her Because I Couldn’t Commit

Regret is a funny thing.

You make a decision and are sure it’s the right one. You go about your day like nothing every happened but that’s when the memories start to kick in.

How you felt when you first met her…

The first time you kissed…

The first time you made love…

They plague your thoughts and it seems wherever you turn there they are, haunting your every move until finally you regret the fact that you couldn’t commit to your ex girlfriend.

There were a lot of reasons…

  • You weren’t ready for a relationship
  • She wanted something more, something you couldn’t provide
  • You took her for granted

And on and on the list goes.

But that’s is all in the past. What you are really wondering at this point is if you can get her back and how that would occur.

Well, I am happy to say that you came to the right place.

Let’s answer the obvious questions first.

Can You Even Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back If You Were Afraid Of Commitment

Ah yes, without a doubt the number one question I get on a daily basis.

In fact, it has become so frequent that I put together a quiz to help people determine their chances.

Pretty cool, right?

Of course, you probably want instant gratification right here and now.

I promise I’ll provide that but the first thing that you’ll have to do is listen to a little story.

One of the first men that I ever worked with took his ex girlfriend for granted and lost it all. Yep, he ended up becoming complacent in the relationship and while it didn’t happen overnight eventually it became so bad that his girlfriend at the time was literally begging for him to just take her out for a date but he couldn’t even do that.

I mean, imagine this poor girls situation for a minute.

She goes to work and does a really great job at work only to come home to a man who wants nothing to do with her.

It’s not like she wouldn’t try to get his attention either.

She would often walk around the house with lingerie,

Trying every little thing to get his attention but nothing worked.

After dating for over five years he just simply didn’t care anymore. He was too enamored with his own world and his own life.

But not her, she cared immensely and tried everything she could to get him to move on to the next level but every time she brought up “commitment” he ran for the hills.

Eventually enough became enough for her and she decided it was time to move on.

Of course, after she broke up with him what is the first thing he wants to do?

Yep, you guessed it!

He wants to get back together.

Sound familiar?

Why do you think I would tell you that story?

Is it because I want to tell you that I have dealt with situations like yours before?

Is it to show how you took your ex girlfriend for granted and lost her?

Well yes… but believe it or not the main thing I wanted to get across was how hard the girl tried to make things work.

Consider the story for a moment from the perspective of the girl.

  • She was excited to see her boyfriend every time that she came home from work and he wasn’t.
  • She tried everything to get his attention including walking around in lingerie
  • She tried asking him for a deeper commitment
  • And she eventually left him

This girl tried.

It’s not like she blindsided the guy with the breakup either.

He is an idiot if he didn’t see it coming.

And therein lies the main difference between most of the men I work with and you.

You see, most of the men who come here to Ex Girlfriend Recovery are blindsided by their breakups.

I can’t tell you how many comments I get from guys sitting there and saying,

It hurts so much…. I didn’t see this coming.

But your ex literally asked you for a deeper commitment and you ran for the hills.

Lucky for you, your greatest weakness became your greatest strength in getting your ex girlfriend back.

My Theory Of Investment

I have a hypothesis about commitment and dating.

I call it my “theory of investment.”

Here’s how it works.

The more you invest into something the more you care about it.

It’s a pretty simple concept, right?

But what can one invest into “something?”

Well, you can invest,

  • Time
  • Money
  • Energy
  • Feelings
  • Etc

Consider a moment a random dog across the world. You don’t know this dog, you don’t own this dog and you have never even heard this dog. Now, I don’t think it’d be too crazy of a statement to say that dogs die every single day, right?

So, this dog across the world that you haven’t invested anything in gets hit by a car and dies.

Do you feel anything for the dog?

Hmm… probably not (you horrible person.)

Now, lets change things up a bit and say that this is a dog that you own. A dog that you have cared for and love immensely. You’ve invested a lot into this dog and it gets hit by a car and dies.

You probably feel something now, right?

Here is my ultimate point.

Your biggest advantage over other men trying to get their exes back is the fact that your ex girlfriend probably invested more than the average girl into you.

She tried to get you to commit to her for crying out loud.

The smartest thing you can do is to try to cash that in and run with it if you are going to try to get her back.

But don’t make the same BIG mistake I see a lot of men make in your position.

The Big Mistake Men Make In Your Position

When men, who haven’t committed to their exes determine that they want to get their exes back I see a really interesting thing happening.

Instead of trying to get their exes back from a position of strength they attempt to do it from a position of weakness.

What do you think I mean by that?

Well, they end up begging for their exes back in some way, shape or form.

I’ll give you an example.

Let’s say that out of the blue you decide to text your ex girlfriend the following,

Hey baby, I am so sorry I wasn’t ready for a commitment. I promise this next time it will be different.

There is no connection being built, there is no excitement or giddiness.

All that is there is a guy literally begging for his ex back.

We’ve found that approaching your ex this way is a huge mistake and it’s something you are going to have to avoid.

So, How Do You Get Your Ex Back If You Couldn’t Commit?

Great question.

I want you to get used to this little phrase,

Show don’t tell!

Professional writers will know what it means because it’s often what an editor will tell an author to do with their novels.

You see, most writers make the big mistake of having their characters tell you what is going on as opposed to showing you.

Now, to us it may seem like this is not a very big deal but it can make all the difference in the world on a book that is amazing and a book that sucks.

I’ll give you an example.

Let’s pretend for a moment that two men are getting into a fight and we want to show and not tell.

Well, here is what it looks like if I tell you two men get into a fight.

Ricky and Charlie hate each other so they got into a fistfight, Charlie won!

It’s kind of boring, wouldn’t you say?

Now lets compare it to me showing you the two men getting into a fight.

“I hate you!” said Charlie with his hands slowly dripping blood. His face had been marked so badly that he knew it was only a matter of time before he fell to his opponent. The wind was almost non exinsistant as the next punch came and it was in that moment that an opportunity presented itself. “If I can somehow get out of the way of this punch I might be able to end this right here, right now.”

Do you see the difference?

It’s all about emotions.

When I told you about Ricky and Charlie getting into a fight and Charlie winning it was essentially emotionless.

But when I showed you the fight and gave you the internal dialogue going on it created all kinds of imagery and emotion. It created a certain feel and that “feel” can make all the difference between losing your ex girlfriend forever and getting her back.

So, the obvious question you have at this point is,

Ok, but how do I show her?

Showing Her You Have Changed

This should be easy, right?


I am a big believer in headwind.

Do you know what that is?

Well, it is kind of like if you went for a walk right now outside and were greeted with 45 mph winds. It might be difficult to walk with that kind of wind in your face. Everything about it is propelling you backwards and it takes a lot of extra effort just to go for this walk.

That is headwind in a nutshell.

Well, the fact that you took her for granted and she left you because you wouldn’t commit creates some serious headwind.

In her mind she is going around thinking,

“My god, that a$$ hole can never commit. I will never date him again.”

It probably isn’t going to help your case any if you stop by her and say,

Hey baby, I’m different now. I can commit.

You have no credibility.

Instead, the more effective way to tame this headwind is to show her that you are ready to commit and that is where things get tricky.

How can you show your ex girlfriend that you are ready to commit.

Well, I have three things in mind.

The Big Three

There are three things I think you can do to show your ex girlfriend that you are ready for a commitment.

  1. Future Pace
  2. Opinions
  3. Using Her Passions For Your Benefit

Let’s start from the top.

Future Pace

What do you think future pacing is?

Well, have you ever been in the middle of a great conversation with someone and they mention something like,

Paris, I’ve always wanted to go there…

I’m using a real example here because I used this on my wife and it worked brilliantly. The first week that we became “official” my wife mentioned that she wanted to go to Paris and I made some off hand comment like,

We will one day, I promise

Essentially what I was forcing my wife to do was imagine a potential future where we go to Paris and have this incredible time. I was pacing her for the future.


You your ex girlfriend for granted and now she’s gone.

You probably were selfish and didn’t care about anything relating to her.

Hey, I totally get it.

I myself am a totally selfish person and sometimes I can take incredible people for granted.

But I actually want that.


Well, because if that is your exes perception of you then we can find a way to show her that you have changed by doing one very simple thing. Ask your ex girlfriend for her opinion on something.

It’ll go like this.

You: Hey Jenny, can I get your opinion on something?

Her: Sure

You: I am thinking of buying a new jacket but I never really have been that stylish. Do you think you can help?

Her: I’d love to

Using Her Passions For Your Benefit

This is where your listening skills come in handy.

My guess is that you weren’t always the best listener in the relationship.

But let’s say that in that ignorance you did pick up on one thing. Your ex girlfriend absolutely adores welsh corgis.

FYI: A Welsh Corgi is a Dog

Well, every so often you could send her something like this,

This is a nice way to show your ex that contrary to her own beliefs you actually were listening all of those times she thought you weren’t.


Now I know that you yourself probably feel like a lost puppy right now.

You probably feel like I gave you a small piece of the overall puzzle to getting your ex girlfriend back.

Well…. that’s because I did.

Look, do you want to know the truth?

Getting and ex girlfriend back is a complex process. I can talk in very broad strokes in these articles but what you really need is someone to give you advice on your exact situation.

And in order for that to happen a conversation needs to occur.

A one on one conversation between you and I/my team.

So, if you want to have a conversation then I highly recommend you leave a comment below. Tell us all about your situation and we promise we will get back to you.


Written by EGR team mate

Chris Seiter

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14 thoughts on “I Lost Her Because I Couldn’t Commit”

  1. Arnas

    January 1, 2018 at 7:32 am


    I believe i did take my ex as granted and now i feel terrible about that.
    My story is like that. My ex had relationship with a guy for around 3 years and they broke up. Then we started a relationship and after 3.5years together out of nowhere ny ex said she doesnt want to continue with me. I was desperate for a week and we actually broke up 1week after she first mentioned she doesnt want to stay with me.
    After she first mentioned i managed to keep her close to me for 1 week. We had sex but she felt fear from me. So after 1 week she dumbed me for good. I was still desperate for few more days and only then i started reading your articles.
    Main reasoning she said was distance. I have a company away from city so mostly i was away for work days and only on weekends we lived together. Once she mentioned she dont want to stay with me. I promised the world. I could drive home every day etc. But nothing worked. She also mentioned me that she started to chat with her ex from previous relationship. But she ensured its not serious.

    So i had no cintact for 1 week and i decided to message her that we should meet. I said she wont have to speak i just want to express myself. But she said it will make it worse. She doesnt want to hurt me and she wants to help me. But same time she wants to live with another guy.
    So i start to think the other relationship was the main thing.
    After she openly told me she wants to be with another guy. I just sent her link of a decent song and said let’s not fight. And i am considering no contact again.

    Everyone around my ex likes me. Her friends, her family. Seems like she did a huge step. I cant explain it to myself. But it hurts bad. Could you please give me insight on my case? It could be rebound, but is it special case because shes with someone who she was before.

    So she did message me first for new years. It gives a little hope because i realise she thinks about me. I believe if the other guy was the main reason, then she wouldnt message me. She just said. “Happy new year, these years will be better :)”
    Ofc i wanted to answer sayinh how she could make it better and how i want to promise her better years. But I didnt answer it. She knows i saw the message via fb. I dont know if its a good idea to ignore. She knows how much i love her, so maybe she will think about me more ifi didnt respond. What you think about all this?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      January 2, 2018 at 3:25 pm

      Hi Arnas,

      that’s good that you didn’t respond.. do at least 21 days

  2. TODD

    December 19, 2017 at 11:58 pm

    I need help. I’m a 41 yr old single parent father of a . I met an amazing woman that loved me wholeheartedly. All she wanted from me was a commitment, to know that we were an actual couple. I had come out of a gut blowing breakup so I was somewhat guarded. I took my time to get to know her and we had amazing chemistry. She would always ask me “why don’t you want to be with me, I’m the perfect woman for you.” She was a single parent of two young boys. At first I was a little apprehensive because it was a huge load for me to take on. I would tell her lets just see what happens. We became really close, I would stop by her house everyday and visit. We lived close by one another so it was super easy to see her. She took another job in a town about 30 miles away in which I helped her move. I kind of thought things would eventually play themselves out but we continued seeing each other on weekends and texted and talked on the phone daily. I still was open to chatting with other women as to we hadn’t made anything exclusive. She was hurt by this. I started to realize that she wanted me to be in her life. She always said she wanted something real with me. As time went on I started to have feelings for her. I never told her I loved her but I wanted to badly. We had discussion after discussion as to what we actually were. She would ask if we were just friends that were intimate. I eventually opened up to her stating that I did want to move things forward. One night after our plans fell through to see each other I went out of town with a buddy and we drank entirely too much. I asked her to come over but she said she couldn’t, that’s when I got upset. We hadn’t had a fight in the whole nine months of our relationship. This was the first setback. We made up and for two weeks I started telling her I wanted to spend more time with her boys. It was time for me to step up. She agreed and the next week things were great. She called me one night and I explained to her that I wasn’t wasting her time. She responded to me that I like it when you talk to me like that. like you are taking care of me. The next day we planned a weekend trip, a getaway with me, her and the two boys. That night again I made the comment about wanting to spend more time together. I was trying to show her that I meant it. The night before our trip I texted her asking about the hotel. She responded, “I’m not feeling it, since moving away we’ve grown apart and I feel like we are just friends.” Of course I tried to plead my case but she wasn’t having it. I asked if we could talk and she said not to come over. I waited a few days and texted her. I started reading your book and I went no Contact. It was hard as hell. I thought she would call or text but nothing. after day 31 I re-established connection. I got several positive responses and a few no responses. That’s o.k. I have spent this time trying to figure out what went wrong and all I can think of is that she didn’t believe me. She wanted us so bad and now its like she’s not open to it. Looking back I know that she wanted me to commit but fear held me back. I don’t want to lose this woman. Since no contact I have learned so many things about myself. I was selfish. She was my best friend and our chemistry was perfect. At the end I know I must have sounded a little insecure and needy but I was letting myself be vulnerable in the situation. I always had control in the relationship and in two weeks I seemed to have lost it. I have only sent positive upbeat texts to her in which I do get positive responses back but no continuing conversations yet. I’m in my 3rd week of recontact and I’m not giving up. Please help me with any information you can. I know she still cares for me and is being stubborn. I’m not needy and I know life will go on with or without her. I’m not going to lie I would love to see us together again

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      December 21, 2017 at 6:56 pm

      Hi Todd,

      just continue slowly rebuilding rapport with her.. are you actively improving yourself too?

  3. habooba

    December 4, 2017 at 11:41 am

    I have problem with my ex, she broke up with me 2 weeks ago, becuse i lied to her, all the little things so she will see me as better person. Everythng else was superb, we were in love after 1,2 years still. And allways laughing and kissing and so.
    Then she found out about my lies, right away i said i was sorry and left her alone. Moved out, found therphyst to help me with my lies and to understand why i lied.
    At first she didnt speak with me at all, then we started chating again. But she was giving me a cold shoulder. One point she lied to me that see and her ex are couple again, just to make me feel bad.
    After two days of that lie, she wrote me, that she was sorry for lieng and that i hurt her really bad. She still thinks about me and is sad/her words.
    Now she says that we never ever getting back togheter, she says it all the time. like she wants me to let her go becuse she is affraid that see will give in. At least thats how it seems like to me. Other ways she wont point it out so often.
    She still talks to me but only by mail, we write daily, sometimes she is cold sometimes not.
    She has built a wall around her. And tries to push me away with that, but on the other hand she said that she will be there for me with my struggles with the theraphist and so.
    What would be the right thing to do?
    And in this case does never mean never or she is just afraid and tries to push me away so she dont have to?
    Any help would be good.
    Im feel really shitty about lieng and hurting her, worst feeling in my life right now, it was really hard to hear myself addmiting the lies to myself. But i didit and am very proud of myself for that.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      December 7, 2017 at 8:45 pm

  4. Matt

    December 2, 2017 at 1:53 am

    Right, so how long is a reasonable no contact prod at this point?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      December 2, 2017 at 5:32 pm

      You can do 30-45 days..

  5. Matt

    November 30, 2017 at 5:32 pm

    I’ve been doing a lot of reading on how to build better connections with people and practicing on people I meet during the day. Working on health and wealth by cutting down on the number activities I take part in to focus on doing them better. Posting on social media about once/week. Neither of us are big users, so don’t want to go crazy.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      December 1, 2017 at 10:27 am

      Ok, that’s good.. Keep doing that even after nc…

  6. Matt

    November 28, 2017 at 6:08 pm

    Hi ex-recovery team,

    My ex dumped me a bit over a month ago. We were crazy in love, but I got myself into a situation where I was overwhelmed with work and grad school, and wasn’t giving her the emotional attention she needed, and she felt she couldn’t wait another year for me to get out of school. I’ve put aside several unnecessary activities since to make room for a relationship, but I also gnatted her for about a week with how I would change and only did 21 days of NC. She didn’t respond when I reached out. I’m at a loss with how to move forward. Would appreciate your help.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      November 29, 2017 at 4:47 pm

      Hi Matt,

      How active were you in improving yourself and in posting?

    2. Matt

      November 29, 2017 at 9:00 pm

      I’ve been working daily on being a better communicator, because that’s what really went wrong. I was under a lot of stress and wasn’t able to be fully present and engage in our conversations. I’ve been posting about once/week.

    3. EGR Team Member: Amor

      November 30, 2017 at 4:59 pm

      How are you doing it? Improve the health and wealth aspects of your life too… And how active are you in posting in social media?