Regret is a funny thing.
You make a decision and are sure it’s the right one. You go about your day like nothing every happened but that’s when the memories start to kick in.
How you felt when you first met her…
The first time you kissed…
The first time you made love…
They plague your thoughts and it seems wherever you turn there they are, haunting your every move until finally you regret the fact that you couldn’t commit to your ex girlfriend.
There were a lot of reasons…
- You weren’t ready for a relationship
- She wanted something more, something you couldn’t provide
- You took her for granted
And on and on the list goes.
But that’s is all in the past. What you are really wondering at this point is if you can get her back and how that would occur.
Well, I am happy to say that you came to the right place.
Let’s answer the obvious questions first.
Can You Even Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back If You Were Afraid Of Commitment
Ah yes, without a doubt the number one question I get on a daily basis.
In fact, it has become so frequent that I put together a quiz to help people determine their chances.
Pretty cool, right?
Of course, you probably want instant gratification right here and now.
I promise I’ll provide that but the first thing that you’ll have to do is listen to a little story.
One of the first men that I ever worked with took his ex girlfriend for granted and lost it all. Yep, he ended up becoming complacent in the relationship and while it didn’t happen overnight eventually it became so bad that his girlfriend at the time was literally begging for him to just take her out for a date but he couldn’t even do that.
I mean, imagine this poor girls situation for a minute.
She goes to work and does a really great job at work only to come home to a man who wants nothing to do with her.
It’s not like she wouldn’t try to get his attention either.
She would often walk around the house with lingerie,
Trying every little thing to get his attention but nothing worked.
After dating for over five years he just simply didn’t care anymore. He was too enamored with his own world and his own life.
But not her, she cared immensely and tried everything she could to get him to move on to the next level but every time she brought up “commitment” he ran for the hills.
Eventually enough became enough for her and she decided it was time to move on.
Of course, after she broke up with him what is the first thing he wants to do?
Yep, you guessed it!
He wants to get back together.
Why do you think I would tell you that story?
Is it because I want to tell you that I have dealt with situations like yours before?
Is it to show how you took your ex girlfriend for granted and lost her?
Well yes… but believe it or not the main thing I wanted to get across was how hard the girl tried to make things work.
Consider the story for a moment from the perspective of the girl.
- She was excited to see her boyfriend every time that she came home from work and he wasn’t.
- She tried everything to get his attention including walking around in lingerie
- She tried asking him for a deeper commitment
- And she eventually left him
This girl tried.
It’s not like she blindsided the guy with the breakup either.
He is an idiot if he didn’t see it coming.
And therein lies the main difference between most of the men I work with and you.
You see, most of the men who come here to Ex Girlfriend Recovery are blindsided by their breakups.
I can’t tell you how many comments I get from guys sitting there and saying,
It hurts so much…. I didn’t see this coming.
But your ex literally asked you for a deeper commitment and you ran for the hills.
Lucky for you, your greatest weakness became your greatest strength in getting your ex girlfriend back.
My Theory Of Investment
I have a hypothesis about commitment and dating.
I call it my “theory of investment.”
Here’s how it works.
The more you invest into something the more you care about it.
It’s a pretty simple concept, right?
But what can one invest into “something?”
Well, you can invest,
Consider a moment a random dog across the world. You don’t know this dog, you don’t own this dog and you have never even heard this dog. Now, I don’t think it’d be too crazy of a statement to say that dogs die every single day, right?
So, this dog across the world that you haven’t invested anything in gets hit by a car and dies.
Do you feel anything for the dog?
Hmm… probably not (you horrible person.)
Now, lets change things up a bit and say that this is a dog that you own. A dog that you have cared for and love immensely. You’ve invested a lot into this dog and it gets hit by a car and dies.
You probably feel something now, right?
Here is my ultimate point.
Your biggest advantage over other men trying to get their exes back is the fact that your ex girlfriend probably invested more than the average girl into you.
She tried to get you to commit to her for crying out loud.
The smartest thing you can do is to try to cash that in and run with it if you are going to try to get her back.
But don’t make the same BIG mistake I see a lot of men make in your position.
The Big Mistake Men Make In Your Position
When men, who haven’t committed to their exes determine that they want to get their exes back I see a really interesting thing happening.
Instead of trying to get their exes back from a position of strength they attempt to do it from a position of weakness.
What do you think I mean by that?
Well, they end up begging for their exes back in some way, shape or form.
I’ll give you an example.
Let’s say that out of the blue you decide to text your ex girlfriend the following,
Hey baby, I am so sorry I wasn’t ready for a commitment. I promise this next time it will be different.
There is no connection being built, there is no excitement or giddiness.
All that is there is a guy literally begging for his ex back.
We’ve found that approaching your ex this way is a huge mistake and it’s something you are going to have to avoid.
So, How Do You Get Your Ex Back If You Couldn’t Commit?
I want you to get used to this little phrase,
Show don’t tell!
Professional writers will know what it means because it’s often what an editor will tell an author to do with their novels.
You see, most writers make the big mistake of having their characters tell you what is going on as opposed to showing you.
Now, to us it may seem like this is not a very big deal but it can make all the difference in the world on a book that is amazing and a book that sucks.
I’ll give you an example.
Let’s pretend for a moment that two men are getting into a fight and we want to show and not tell.
Well, here is what it looks like if I tell you two men get into a fight.
Ricky and Charlie hate each other so they got into a fistfight, Charlie won!
It’s kind of boring, wouldn’t you say?
Now lets compare it to me showing you the two men getting into a fight.
“I hate you!” said Charlie with his hands slowly dripping blood. His face had been marked so badly that he knew it was only a matter of time before he fell to his opponent. The wind was almost non exinsistant as the next punch came and it was in that moment that an opportunity presented itself. “If I can somehow get out of the way of this punch I might be able to end this right here, right now.”
Do you see the difference?
It’s all about emotions.
When I told you about Ricky and Charlie getting into a fight and Charlie winning it was essentially emotionless.
But when I showed you the fight and gave you the internal dialogue going on it created all kinds of imagery and emotion. It created a certain feel and that “feel” can make all the difference between losing your ex girlfriend forever and getting her back.
So, the obvious question you have at this point is,
Ok, but how do I show her?
Showing Her You Have Changed
This should be easy, right?
I am a big believer in headwind.
Do you know what that is?
Well, it is kind of like if you went for a walk right now outside and were greeted with 45 mph winds. It might be difficult to walk with that kind of wind in your face. Everything about it is propelling you backwards and it takes a lot of extra effort just to go for this walk.
That is headwind in a nutshell.
Well, the fact that you took her for granted and she left you because you wouldn’t commit creates some serious headwind.
In her mind she is going around thinking,
“My god, that a$$ hole can never commit. I will never date him again.”
It probably isn’t going to help your case any if you stop by her and say,
Hey baby, I’m different now. I can commit.
You have no credibility.
Instead, the more effective way to tame this headwind is to show her that you are ready to commit and that is where things get tricky.
How can you show your ex girlfriend that you are ready to commit.
Well, I have three things in mind.
The Big Three
There are three things I think you can do to show your ex girlfriend that you are ready for a commitment.
- Future Pace
- Using Her Passions For Your Benefit
Let’s start from the top.
What do you think future pacing is?
Well, have you ever been in the middle of a great conversation with someone and they mention something like,
Paris, I’ve always wanted to go there…
I’m using a real example here because I used this on my wife and it worked brilliantly. The first week that we became “official” my wife mentioned that she wanted to go to Paris and I made some off hand comment like,
We will one day, I promise
Essentially what I was forcing my wife to do was imagine a potential future where we go to Paris and have this incredible time. I was pacing her for the future.
You your ex girlfriend for granted and now she’s gone.
You probably were selfish and didn’t care about anything relating to her.
Hey, I totally get it.
I myself am a totally selfish person and sometimes I can take incredible people for granted.
But I actually want that.
Well, because if that is your exes perception of you then we can find a way to show her that you have changed by doing one very simple thing. Ask your ex girlfriend for her opinion on something.
It’ll go like this.
You: Hey Jenny, can I get your opinion on something?
You: I am thinking of buying a new jacket but I never really have been that stylish. Do you think you can help?
Her: I’d love to
Using Her Passions For Your Benefit
This is where your listening skills come in handy.
My guess is that you weren’t always the best listener in the relationship.
But let’s say that in that ignorance you did pick up on one thing. Your ex girlfriend absolutely adores welsh corgis.
FYI: A Welsh Corgi is a Dog
Well, every so often you could send her something like this,
This is a nice way to show your ex that contrary to her own beliefs you actually were listening all of those times she thought you weren’t.
Now I know that you yourself probably feel like a lost puppy right now.
You probably feel like I gave you a small piece of the overall puzzle to getting your ex girlfriend back.
Well…. that’s because I did.
Look, do you want to know the truth?
Getting and ex girlfriend back is a complex process. I can talk in very broad strokes in these articles but what you really need is someone to give you advice on your exact situation.
And in order for that to happen a conversation needs to occur.
A one on one conversation between you and I/my team.
So, if you want to have a conversation then I highly recommend you leave a comment below. Tell us all about your situation and we promise we will get back to you.