By Chris Seiter

Published on January 7th, 2024

So, here’s a scenario that might resonate with many of you: You’re talking to your ex-girlfriend, and suddenly, she starts to cry. It’s a situation that can leave you feeling like you’re walking on eggshells, unsure of how to react. Let me show you the way.

When your ex-girlfriend cries during conversations, it could indicate unresolved feelings, a need for closure, or emotional overwhelm. Handle the situation with empathy: listen actively, acknowledge her feelings, and offer support. Avoid dismissing her emotions or forcing a resolution. Respect her space and process.

Let’s dive into the many reasons why this happens and the best ways to handle it. To be sure, it is a delicate dance of empathy, understanding, and respect. And by all means, if you are uncertain as to how to deal with the aftermath of such a situation, reach out to one of our Breakup Coaches so you can get some just in time advice on what might be your next steps.

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Understanding Your Ex’s Tears: The Why Behind the Waterworks

Understanding the nuances behind your ex’s tears can provide insight into her emotional state and help you better navigate conversations with her in the future. This is key in any Ex Recovery Program.  So what might be the underlying reason that causes your ex to cry when she talks to you?

  1. Unresolved Feelings:
    • The end of a relationship doesn’t always align with the end of emotions. Your ex might still harbor deep feelings for you, and conversing might reopen old wounds or rekindle feelings she thought were dormant. This emotional turbulence can be overwhelming, leading to tears as an outlet.
  2. Guilt and Regret:
    • Breakups often come with a baggage of ‘what ifs’ and ‘if onlys. If she believes she played a significant role in the breakup or has regrets about how she handled certain situations, these feelings of guilt can be profound. When talking to you, these emotions might surface, manifesting as tears.
  3. Stress and Overwhelm:
    • Post-breakup life adjustments can be stressful. She may be juggling personal growth, new routines, or even dating again, which can be overwhelming. Conversations with you might remind her of a time when she had support and understanding, causing a release of pent-up emotions.
  4. Closure and Healing:
    • Crying can be incredibly therapeutic. It might be her body’s way of releasing tension and stress, a necessary step in her journey towards healing. These tears could signify her process of finding closure from the past relationship.
  5. Mixed Emotions:
    • It’s possible for her to feel a complex mix of happiness and sadness when talking to you. Happiness because she’s reconnecting with someone who was once very important, and sadness due to the recognition of what has been lost or changed.
  6. Physical and Emotional Exhaustion:
    • Emotional conversations, especially with someone from our past, can be draining. If she’s already dealing with a lot in her life, this added emotional strain can lead to a state of exhaustion, making her more prone to tears.
  7. A Plea for Understanding:
    • Tears can also be a non-verbal way of expressing the desire to be understood. She might feel that you’re not fully grasping her perspective or emotions, and crying can be her way of conveying the depth of her feelings.
  8. Fear of Losing Connection:
    • Sometimes, crying during conversations might stem from a fear of completely losing the connection that once existed. This can be especially true if the relationship was long-term or deeply significant.
  9. Reaction to Specific Triggers:
    • Certain topics or phrases might trigger an emotional response. These triggers can bring back memories, both good and bad, leading to an emotional response that she may not fully control.
  10. Feelings of Vulnerability:
    • Opening up to someone who was once an intimate part of her life can make her feel vulnerable. This vulnerability, coupled with the uncertainty of how you’ll react, can be overwhelming and lead to tears.

How To Deal With An Ex Who Is Crying: The Do’s and Don’ts

Dealing with an ex who is crying, whether it be in person or on the phone requires a special kind of sensitivity.  Now that you better understand why she is crying, let’s discuss what you can say or do to help your ex feel better, while at the same time optimize your chances of getting your ex back.

What Should You Do If Your Ex is Crying or Tearing Up?

  1. Offer Non-Verbal Support:
    • Sometimes words aren’t necessary. A compassionate look, a nod, or simply being present can offer immense support. Non-verbal cues can be powerful in showing that you are there and you care.
  2. Encourage Expression of Feelings:
    • Encourage her to express what she’s feeling. Let her know it’s okay to be open and vulnerable. Phrases like, “It’s okay to feel this way,” can be validating.
  3. Use Comforting Language:
    • Your choice of words can be soothing. Use phrases that are empathetic and understanding. Phrases like, “I understand this is hard for you,” can show empathy without overstepping boundaries.
  4. Suggest Taking a Break If Needed:
    • If emotions become too intense, suggest taking a short break from the conversation. It allows both parties to collect their thoughts and calm down. But be careful with this kind of situation.  You don’t want to abandon your ex in the midst of a tearful breakdown.  Take things slow and follow your instincts.

What Should You Avoid Doing If Your Ex Tears Up and Becomes Emotional?

  1. Don’t Minimize the Relationship:
    • Avoid downplaying the past relationship. Comments like “It wasn’t that serious anyway” can be hurtful and dismissive of her feelings.
  2. Avoid Being Patronizing:
    • Don’t talk down to her or treat her like she’s overreacting. This can come across as condescending and insincere.
  3. Don’t Bring Up New Partners:
  4. Don’t Promise Things You Can’t Deliver:
    • Avoid making promises or statements that you cannot or do not intend to keep. Be honest and clear in your communication.

What if Your Ex Cries In-Person?

  1. Consider Gentle Physical Gestures (If Appropriate):
    • Depending on your current relationship and her comfort level, a gentle pat on the back or a reassuring hand on her arm might be appropriate. Always gauge her comfort level before initiating any physical contact.
  2. Keep Your Tone Soft and Gentle:
    • The tone of your voice can be as comforting as the words you use. Speak softly and gently to convey empathy and understanding.
  3. Be Patient:
    • Give her time to compose herself. Don’t rush the conversation or insist on continuing if she’s not ready.
  4. Suggest a Change of Scenery:
    • If the environment seems to be contributing to her distress, suggest moving to a different setting that might be more comfortable for her.

What If Your Ex Is Crying On the Phone?

  1. Reassure Her of Your Presence:
    • Make sure she knows you’re there and listening. Simple affirmations like, “I’m here with you,” can be comforting.
  2. Respect the Silence:
    • If she falls silent while crying, don’t feel compelled to fill the silence with words. Sometimes, just knowing you’re on the other end of the line is enough.
  3. Avoid Interrupting:
    • Let her speak without interruption. This shows respect for her feelings and allows her to express herself fully.
  4. Follow Up After the Call:
    • After the call, consider sending a message to check in on her. It shows that you care about her well-being beyond the phone call.

The Expert’s Corner

Insider Insights From Chris Seiter:  FAQs on Handling an Ex-Girlfriend Crying During Conversations

  1. Why does my ex-girlfriend cry when we talk?
    • She may cry due to unresolved feelings, guilt, stress, seeking closure, mixed emotions, exhaustion, or as a plea for understanding. Emotions post-breakup can be complex and talking to you might trigger these feelings.
  2. How should I react when she starts crying?
    • Stay calm and composed, listen actively, and acknowledge her feelings. Offer verbal and non-verbal support, and avoid minimizing her emotions or jumping to quick solutions.
  3. Is it okay to ask her why she’s crying?
    • Yes, but be gentle. Phrase it sensitively, like “I notice you’re upset, do you want to talk about it?” This shows concern without being intrusive.
  4. Should I offer her physical comfort?
    • This depends on your current relationship and her comfort level. If you think it’s appropriate, you could offer a reassuring gesture like a pat on the back or gently hold her hand, but always respect her personal space.
  5. What if I start feeling overwhelmed by her crying?
    • It’s important to manage your own emotions too. If you feel overwhelmed, take a moment to breathe and compose yourself. If necessary, suggest taking a short break from the conversation.
  6. How can I effectively communicate that I understand her feelings?
    • Use empathetic language like, “It sounds like this is really hard for you,” or “I can see this is causing you a lot of pain.” Such statements show that you are trying to understand her perspective.
  7. What if her crying makes me feel guilty?
    • Remember, while it’s important to be empathetic, you shouldn’t feel compelled to take on guilt for her emotions. Be supportive, but also maintain healthy emotional boundaries.
  8. Is it a good idea to bring up past issues when she cries?
    • No, avoid delving into past conflicts as it can exacerbate the emotional situation. Focus on the present and her current feelings.
  9. How can I help her if she’s seeking closure?
    • Encourage open and honest communication. Let her express her feelings and thoughts, and respond with understanding. Sometimes, just being heard can provide a sense of closure.
  10. Should I suggest we stop talking if she always cries when we do?
    • If conversations consistently upset her, it’s worth discussing whether it’s beneficial to continue regular contact. It may be necessary to give each other space for emotional healing.
  11. Can offering to remain friends help her feel better?
    • Offering friendship can be comforting, but ensure it’s a genuine offer and not just a way to alleviate the emotional tension in the moment. But also keep in mind that telling your ex you just want to be friends may aggravate the situation if your ex is looking for much more in the relationship and you are not ready to go that far.
  12. What if she asks for my opinion on why she’s crying?
  13. How do I end the conversation if she can’t stop crying?
    • Gently suggest that it might be best to talk later and give each other some space. Assure her that you’re not abandoning the conversation but that a break might be beneficial.  But don’t be in a hurry to end the conversation.  Your ex may really need more support from you just by your mere presence.
  14. Is it okay to contact her after she’s been upset?
    • Yes, a follow-up message showing that you care about her well-being can be comforting. Just keep it simple and supportive.
  15. How can I prevent her from crying in future conversations?
    • While you can’t control her emotional responses, you can create a supportive environment. Be mindful of your words, avoid sensitive topics that might trigger her, and maintain a compassionate and understanding demeanor




Disclosure: I am the Author and Creator of this content. My aim is to provide you with original, well structured and authoritative content about this ex recovery topic utilizing my experience and expertise. I have endeavored to produce content that is high quality, relevant, informative, accurate, and reliable. In doing so, I have used an AI tool to some extent to assist me in generating useful content for my readers. This assistance may include topic research, the development of outline structures, phraseology for titles and headings, content curation, narrative expansion, grammar usage, and optimizing readability. All of this is done for the purpose of adding value to the post that I have produced. I personally “proof” every quality post I write for accuracy, completeness, textual flow, fine-tuning purposes, inclusion of relevant media, and inclusion of helpful internal links to further assist the reader. I do not allow for any 3rd party advertising that would muddy up my content or distract my readers.

Signed By Yours Truly, Chris Seiter, Founder of Ex Boyfriend & Ex Girlfriend Recovery.	

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