By Chris Seiter

Updated on July 9th, 2022

Do you have a situation in which your ex is calling you all of a sudden out of the blue?

I mean really, why would your ex call you out of the blue unless it means something.  But what could it mean?  What is behind this phone call and do you dare answer the phone?

Maybe it’s just a case of your ex calling you to see how you are doing.  Or perhaps your ex boyfriend or girlfriend keeps calling you because she is playing games.  That’s right, mind games!

For example, how are you suppose to feel if your ex is with someone else but still contacts you.  That can get confusing fast.  One moment you are trying to work through some of the pain left over from the breakup, then now you have to deal with the uncertainty of what her calling you really means.

Should you answer the phone call?  Do you just ignore your ex’s calls?  For example, if you are still in the no contact period, is it OK to accept an incoming call from your ex?  Indeed there are a lot of things you should NOT do when it comes to contacts with the one who broke your heart. I talk about that in the video below!

Maybe you were involved with an ex girlfriend who was really insistent about never seeing you again. Now suddenly she is on the phone.  Your mind goes racing.  Perhaps she has something really important to tell you.

What if your ex girlfriend has some news for you?  What if it’s bad news that you are not prepared to hear?  Maybe she found something out and wants to confront you. I talk about dealing with these kinds of possibilities in my popular eBook, Ex Girlfriend Recovery Pro.   

So many possibilities exist when the phone rings and you recognize your ex’s phone number.  And the emotions can be all over the place.  Your heart might take a leap in your excitement to finally be able to talk to her again.  Or you may shudder with fear that nothing good will come from the phone call.

So let’s talk about all this!  And let’s start with the 7 top reasons why your ex dialed you up.

  1. Your Ex (girlfriend or boyfriend) Is Calling To Just Check Up On You
  2. Your Ex Is Trying to Reach by Phone She Wants To Personally Apologize
  3. This Phone Call From Your Ex  Could Spell Trouble
  4. Your Ex Is Lonely and Needs To Hear Your Voice
  5. Your former Girlfriend (or Boyfriend) Could be Testing You To See How You Will Respond
  6. Yes, Your Ex Was Reaching Out, But They Have Already Hung Up
  7. Your Ex Got Drunk and Needs You For Something

My Ex Called Me But I Didn’t Answer –  What Does It Mean?

ex calling me up

Well, first of, if your ex girlfriend or boyfriend is calling you all of a sudden or out of the blue, the first thing it means is you are going to probably freak out just a bit.

No matter what went down between the two of you, if you recognize the call coming in as from your ex, your heart is going to take a leap.  Your blood pressure is going to likely start rising and you might just find yourself in the grip of a little panic attack.

So the first thing you have to realize is you are going to get knocked off your game.  You probably weren’t expecting a phone call from your former boyfriend or girlfriend.  Sure, maybe you fantasized about it.  But you never really expected it and quite frankly, how could anyone really plan for a call because it could be about anything.  So let’s get into those things and by the way, if you want a really deep dive into how to navigate through these post breakup challenges, then pick up your copy of my eBook!

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

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1. Your Ex Lover Is  Calling You To Check and See If You Are Doing OK

On the surface, this development seems positive.  You girlfriend or boyfriend is calling you because they are worried about your sad and sorrowful condition. Maybe they know or have heard that you took the breakup really hard and because they still care, they can’t help but reach out.

Or maybe it’s your ex that is really struggling and needs to check in, but calls you pretending to be more concerned with how you are getting along. So if you are thinking, “why does my ex keep contacting and calling me after he or she dumped me”, it may be that they are human after all. It may be that they realize they made a mistake or at least or having serious second thoughts.

2. Your Ex Is Ready To Apologize and Calls You To Drive Home Her Point

Now you and I both know that when your ex calls you to apologize, the act of her contacting you usually has a dual meaning.  I am sure your ex is sorry for what has happened, but breakups are never the fault of just one person.  So while she (or he) may be feeling really bad about how things ended or the awful words that were exchanged, it may also be true that you ex is looking for an apology from you.

Think of the phone call as a possible peace offering.  She may also be trying to figure out where you stand on the breakup, now that things have calmed down.

3. Look Out – This Phone Call Coming From Your Ex Is Probably Not Good News

phone call and bad news

Now just because your ex calls you doesn’t mean that something bad is about to happen.  But just know that when you decide to take the call, she may still be in an angry, vindictive mood.  In this situation, the phone call may start of innocently on some innocuous topic, but then it can descend into chaos rather quickly as your ex is determined to prosecute you again over all the things you said or did wrong.  This is why using No Contact shortly after a breakup is usually a wise choice, otherwise you could be setting yourself up for more upset feelings on both sides.

4. You Ex Girlfriend (or Boyfriend) is Terribly Lonely and Has To Hear Your Voice

It should not be too surprising that shortly after a breakup, you might hear from your ex as they reach out through their pain to connect.  At that moment, their pain and loneliness overrides their better judgement, resulting in them reaching for the phone.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

Take the quiz

It very possible that you too are also feeling a little lonely.  And what happens sometimes is you end up taking the call and talking and try to make each other feel better.  Except often, the fix is only temporary and no sooner does she (or he) start getting some relief, they pivot to another emotion still lying under the surface.  This would be an emotion that has not yet been put to bed.  It’s called resentment because after all, you both caused emotional harm to each other and one or both of you might not be ready to talk it out.

5. Your Ex Calls You To Test You – Do You Take the Bait And Answer?

So sometimes when your ex lover reaches out to you, no matter what they say is the reason, the real reason is they are not over you yet and are trying to gauge or test your reaction. Knowing this helps your ex figure out if they are wasting their time.  Or if one looks at it cynically, it helps your ex decide if they should go back to hating you.

OK, just kidding.  They don’t retreat back to hating you! Let’s hope not! But if the phone call does not go well according to your ex’s standards, it could help them decide what to do next.  Maybe in all the emotion of the moment they will conclude you are a lost cause.  Maybe they go back to doing No Contact on you.

6. The Call Comes In From Your Ex But When You Answer, They Hung Up

hung up on me

So if this happens, don’t get upset.  This is very common and doesn’t necessarily mean anything good or bad.  Often, your ex did an impulse call to you out of a sense of desperation or a misplaced notion, but then immediately changes their mind, hanging up.  Who knows, your ex could have butt dialed you.  Or she may be testing you somehow to see if you will call back.

7. Your Ex Is Calling and Is Drunk and Is Begging

In this case, you ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend went off and got loaded.  Now they are filthy drunk, probably feeling really sorry for themselves, and in a spur of the moment, decide to call you.  Of course if you answer the phone and learn of their predicament, you are going to get caught up in your ex’s drama.

Maybe they are begging for you back.  Maybe she is trying to get inside your head. Perhaps they just want to talk foolish talk.  Sometimes they spend all their time heaping praise on you, telling how you are the best boyfriend (or girlfriend) they ever had.

You get the picture.  With this kind of situation, your ex is playing victim, but in reality you are the one getting the raw deal.

Should I Answer If My Ex Girlfriend  or Ex Boyfriend Calls?

should I answer phone

This is a tough question to answer because it really depends on a lot of factors.

It may serve you well to take the phone call from your ex.  It is possible the call will be the thing that helps you both turn the corner and give the relationship a new try.  It could be your ex is worried about you and genuinely wants to express their support and love.  That can have positive results.

But taking that phone call can also take you down the rabbit hole.  Your ex may still have a lot of anger and nothing really good will come from answering the phone.  You may be breaking your pledge to keep the no contact rule.  Your ex could be playing games and what they say and how they  say it will just upset you more.

So the decision to answer the call comes down to how well do you know your ex. Have they been selfish or selfless in the past?

Does your ex have a lot of hangups and likes to play victim.? Does your ex girlfriend or boyfriend have a mean streak and are likely to call you to say abusive things to you because they still haven’t gotten over the break up?

If you feel any of these things hold a reasonable possibility, then it’s better not to take the call. Leave well enough along.


Why Won’t My Ex Stop Calling Me?  (I don’t Want To Be Contacted)

calls I don't want to answer

So what if your ex girlfriend (or boyfriend) is constantly calling you and won’t leave you alone. This points to someone who has a lot of issues they need to still work through and you will be inviting abuse if you take the call.

I get questions from clients all the time asking, “how do you tell your ex to stop calling and contacting you because its driving me crazy”.  “How can you tell your ex nicely to quit calling?

Unfortunately, some people, after a breakup, completely lose it and obsesses to the point where they can think of nothing else except how they can talk with you and see you again.

I have taught you about the dangers of being a text gnat or dealing with someone who just can stop trying to contact you.  I suppose we can call those who are insisting on calling you ever day as a “Phone Gnat”.

And the best way to defeat a person who misuses their phone and turns it against you is to block their calls or ignore their calls or a little of both.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

Take the quiz

If you have an ex who can’t control their urges to call you and they are trying to contact you all the time, just know that the moment you do answer to tell them whatever, you probably have made a mistake because your action will only encourage them to keep calling and whatever they have to say, neither one of you are likely ready to hash it out.	

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