By Chris Seiter

Published on November 22nd, 2023

Reconciling with an ex-girlfriend after causing her hurt is a delicate process that requires patience, understanding, and genuine effort.

If you wanted to reduce the strategy down to three important steps it would be the following: Firstly, offer a sincere and specific apology, acknowledging the hurt you caused. Secondly, demonstrate genuine change through actions, not just words, showing that you have learned from your mistakes. Finally, give her space and time to heal, respecting her boundaries and emotions, while maintaining a patient and understanding approach towards any potential reconciliation process.

If you’re committed to winning her back and mending the relationship it will probably take more than just three things.  Here are 20 tactics to consider, including an abbreviated no-contact period which should serve as the cornerstone for your game plan.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Strategies for Reconciling with Your Ex-Girlfriend After Causing Her Pain and Hurt

  1. Understanding the Hurt You Caused: Reflect on your actions and their impact. Think about what you did, why it was hurtful, and how it affected her. This understanding is essential for true reconciliation.
  2. Giving Her Space – The Abbreviated No Contact Period: After the breakup, respect her need for space. An abbreviated no-contact period, typically 2-3 weeks, can provide necessary breathing room for both parties.
  3. Sincere Apology: When you reconnect, offer a heartfelt, unambiguous apology. Clearly state what you’re sorry for, acknowledging your mistakes sincerely.
  4. Demonstrating Remorse Through Actions: Implement changes in your behavior that show you’ve taken your mistakes seriously and are committed to not repeating them.
  5. Self-Improvement: Use the time apart to work on yourself. Address personal flaws and behaviors that contributed to the breakup.
  6. Understanding Her Perspective: Make an effort to truly understand her feelings and perspective on the situation, acknowledging her pain without interjecting your own justifications.
  7. Rebuilding Trust: Trust is regained through consistent, reliable actions over time. Show through your actions that you’re trustworthy.
  8. Open and Honest Communication: Once you start talking again, keep the lines of communication open and honest. Share your feelings and encourage her to share hers.
  9. Patience: Healing and rebuilding trust take time. Be patient with her and with the process of reconciliation.
  10. Respecting Boundaries: If she sets boundaries, respect them without argument. This shows you value her feelings and autonomy.
  11. Consistency in Efforts: Be consistent in your efforts to make amends. Inconsistencies can make you appear insincere.
  12. Active Listening: Pay close attention when she speaks about her feelings or the situation, showing empathy and understanding.
  13. Empathy: Show true empathy for her emotions and experiences, validating her feelings.
  14. Humility: Be humble enough to accept your faults and learn from them.
  15. Avoiding Repeat Offenses: Make a conscious effort to avoid repeating the behaviors that caused the initial hurt.
  16. Professional Help if Needed: If you’re struggling with personal issues, seek help from a counselor or therapist.
  17. Shared Activities to Rebuild Connection: Engage in activities you both enjoy to rebuild your bond and create positive new memories.
  18. Acknowledging Change and Growth: Recognize that both of you might have changed, and consider how these changes can positively influence your renewed relationship.
  19. Regular Expressions of Love and Appreciation: Regularly express your love and appreciation for her in your words and actions.
  20. Maintaining a Positive Outlook: Keep a positive attitude towards your relationship and its future.

Continuing to Repair the Relationship

Once you’ve successfully reconciled, the journey of healing continues. Here are ways to keep repairing the hurt you caused:

  1. Ongoing Open Communication: Continue to communicate openly about your feelings, fears, and hopes for the relationship.
  2. Sustained Empathy: Keep showing empathy for any residual hurt she may feel, even after you get back together.
  3. Regular Relationship Assessments: Regularly discuss the state of your relationship, acknowledging both improvements and areas needing attention.
  4. Celebrating Progress: Recognize and celebrate the progress you both make in healing and strengthening your bond.
  5. Continued Personal Development: Keep working on yourself and addressing any personal issues that could impact the relationship.
  6. Supporting Her Growth: Encourage and support her personal growth and goals, recognizing that individual development contributes to a healthy relationship.
  7. Future Planning Together: Begin making plans for your future together, showing your commitment to a long-term partnership.
  8. Engaging in Trust-Building Activities: Participate in activities that foster trust and deepen your connection.
  9. Considering Couple’s Therapy if Needed: If lingering issues persist, couple’s therapy can provide guidance and tools to strengthen your relationship.
  10. Appreciating the Relationship: Never take the relationship for granted. Show gratitude and appreciation for her presence in your life.


Getting your ex-girlfriend back after hurting her requires a sincere commitment to change and a willingness to put in the effort to rebuild the relationship.

It’s about understanding the hurt you caused, making amends, and showing through your actions that you’ve changed. Post-reconciliation, the focus should be on nurturing the relationship, continuing to grow as individuals and as a couple, and ensuring that past mistakes are not repeated. Remember, the goal is not just to win her back but to build a stronger, healthier, and more fulfilling relationship than before.

The Expert’s Corner: 13 FAQs on Getting Your Ex-Girlfriend Back After Hurting Her

  1. How can I apologize to my ex-girlfriend after hurting her?
    • Offer a sincere and heartfelt apology. Acknowledge specifically what you did wrong and express your understanding of how it affected her. Avoid justifications and focus on her feelings.
  2. Should I give her space after the breakup?
    • Yes, giving her space is crucial. It allows her time to process her emotions and shows that you respect her needs. An appropriate period of no contact can vary, but initially, a few weeks is often advisable.
  3. How do I show her I’ve changed?
    • Demonstrate change through consistent actions over time. This could include addressing personal issues, changing negative behaviors, and actively working on qualities that contribute to a healthy relationship.
  4. Is it possible to rebuild trust after hurting her?
    • Rebuilding trust is possible but takes time and effort. Consistency, transparency, and reliability in your actions are key. Show through your behavior that you are trustworthy.
  5. How long does it take to get an ex-girlfriend back?
    • The time it takes can vary significantly based on the situation. It depends on the severity of the hurt, the individual’s process of healing, and how changes are implemented and perceived.
  6. Can a relationship be stronger after a breakup?
    • Yes, a relationship can grow stronger after a breakup if both parties learn from the experience, address underlying issues, and work together to build a healthier dynamic.
  7. What if she’s not ready to talk to me?
    • If she’s not ready to communicate, respect her decision and give her more time. Pressuring her to talk before she’s ready can push her further away.
  8. How do I deal with the guilt of hurting her?
    • Acknowledge and accept your feelings of guilt, learn from your mistakes, and take active steps to improve yourself. Consider speaking with a counselor if the guilt is overwhelming.
  9. Should I try to be friends with her first?
    • Starting as friends can be a good way to rebuild trust and connection. However, ensure that it’s a genuine friendship and not just a strategy to get back together.
  10. What if she starts dating someone else?
    • If she starts seeing someone else, respect her decision and focus on your own growth and healing. Continuing to pursue her might only push her away.  If you did something to damage the relationship, you will need to take a longer term view.
  11. How do I know if it’s worth trying to get her back?
  12. What should I do if she refuses to forgive me?
    • If she chooses not to forgive you, accept her decision with respect. Focus on learning from the experience and moving forward.
  13. How can we avoid similar issues in the future?
    • Preventing similar issues requires open communication, mutual understanding, and a commitment to continuously work on the relationship. Regular check-ins on each other’s feelings and relationship satisfaction can be helpful.	

Related Articles