My Ex Girlfriend Says Leave Me Alone – Should I Take The Chance?

You are probably wondering what to do if your ex girlfriend tells you to leave her alone.  You may fear that if you give her all the space she is asking for, she might just disappear from your life.  No doubt you are probably fearing that if you took such steps to ignore her, you will never get her back.

It’s quite a dilemma, isn’t it.  You might think, “should I take the chance. What if she finds someone else?”  You may worry that by ignoring your ex, she will never come back.  Why not just give her a big dose of attention.  After all, that is what she is always asking for, right?

Or you may be tied in knots trying to honor her request to leave her alone, but everything inside you is screaming “I can’t do it.  I need to check in with her to see what she is thinking and feeling.”

I Can’t Leave Her Alone – She Is Always On My Mind!

thinking about her

Sometimes you have no clue why you can’t leave your ex girlfriend alone.

It’s like there is some invisible force that keeps pulling you to her. Thoughts of your ex are constantly flooding you mind.  How on earth am I  suppose to turn her loose and forget she is out there, you might ask yourself.

If you are thinking this way, then take a deep breath and read on because you are on the edge of her wanting to shut you out even more.

Guys who think this way delude themselves into thinking that if she would just listen to what you have to say, just one more time, it will make a difference and the two of you can get back together.  I talk about this in my 484 page eBook, Ex Girlfriend Recovery Pro.  Do yourself a favor and check it out because there is no reason why you shouldn’t be up to speed on all the best tactics during this period where you are honoring your ex girlfriend’s request for space.

So what is the short answer on what you should do if your ex tells you she wants peace and quiet and wants to be just left to herself?

It means that you best honor her request to give her plenty of room and space, otherwise you are going to hurt your chances of ever getting her back.

If I Leave Her Alone Will She Come Back To Me?

Many of my clients worry about this problem of giving her the space she asked for, but risking the loss of their girlfriend.

So if she says leave me alone, just give me my life back and you say, “I don’t want to because I could lose you to someone else”, guess what?  You are almost ensuring that she is going to rebel and do the very thing your fear.

You can’t shackle your girlfriend and expect to get good results.

The mind can run away from you pretty quickly. I get a lot of questions and expressions of doubt about whether giving her all this space will end up driving her away.

I understand why some guys fear this and I don’t mean to discount their worries  It is a legitimate fear.  Their ex could decide to move on. But I do want to emphasize that if you have spent a decent amount of time together and most of it was good, that relationship history is going to play to your advantage.

Remember, your girlfriend has told you to leave her be.  Just give her some peace and quiet. That is what she wants. So you best oblige and stop worrying so much about every possible negative outcome.  You can rest assured that if you keep bothering her and blocking her freedom, it won’t play well in the long run.

Here are 5 reasons why its wise to honor your girlfriend’s request and give her some space.

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1. You Might Just Get Her Back If you Back Off

Stop trying so hard is what I tell a lot of my men clients.  Your ex girlfriend has probably been giving you signals for awhile, seeking to distance herself from you.  If you keep crowding her, guess what happens. She is going to resist your advances even more.  It’s a natural way in which a boyfriend and girlfriend behaves after a breakup.  Their is always this push/pull dynamic.

Sometimes, a guy will keep pushing and prodding for another chance.  He wants to argue and debate why it is such a terrible idea to breakup.  You might even find yourself begging her to just give you another chance.  In fact, you may be so obsessed with her that you have made a fool of yourself, turning her off even more.

So don’t lose all your personal power by trying to control her.  That is a losing battle at this stage.

2. You Might Be Completely Out of Control and Out of Your Mind With Breakup Fever

That’s right my man.  You are more than love sick.  You have been struck down by the breakup bug.  Your girlfriend has put up the big stop sign and it’s for you.  “Why doesn’t she want me, you might ask yourself?”

You might think back to just a few days ago when you were both having sex and everything seemed just fine then.  “How does letting her do her thing really work, when I know all she really needs is for me to hold her”, you might think.

You might might be racing at a feverish pitch trying to make sense of her behavior.  You may be flabbergasted that she doesn’t want to spend time with you and wants to be by herself.

Well my friend, just accept you have yet to master the mind of your girlfriend or any woman for that matter.

You might think you know what is best for both you and her, but I am telling you, if she starts talking about space or a “time out”, or that she needs work on some things by herself, your best ploy is to let her do that.  Help yourself by getting out of her way.

You have your man cave.  Your ex girlfriend has her own special place.

3. She Might Be Close To Giving You a Second Chance

checking you out

That’s right.  Perhaps you didn’t blow this after all.

Maybe all your ex girlfriend needs is a little time to herself to clear her head and to realize you mean to much to just give it all up.

You see, when a girl says she needs time to think about what she wants, it may not be because of some awful thing.  It could be she just needs to cleanse all of the anxious thoughts that are going through her mind upon which she will realize how much you mean to her.

4. You Could Really Be Close To Pissing Off Your Ex Girlfriend For Good

Your ex may be on the edge of giving up on you.

All it may take is one more thing to convince her she has had enough of you.  So by not giving her the space she is insisting she needs could be paramount to a huge self inflicted wound.  So do yourself a favor and back off before you run her out of your life.

Guys ask me all the time how important is space after a breakup.  Many of them are very competitive and they figure if they try harder to solve the problem and keep working the issue, getting into their ex girlfriend’s face, she will finally relent and go along with the plan.

Unfortunately, being a bully or stubborn about not respecting her wishes to be left alone can have some disastrous outcomes.

Just know that after a breakup you both probably sitting on a mountain of repressed emoitons and if you give in to your own selfish needs of the moment, you could create a firestorm.

So back off, otherwise you are likely going to be walking into quicksand.

5. Giving Each Other Space After a Breakup Is Not Just Good For Your Ex, But For You Too

So let’s say things went horribly wrong and your ex girlfriend is telling you she doesn’t ever want to see you again.

Now part of you is probably thinking that she couldn’t really mean what she says.  You might think of ignoring her request and insisting that the two of your talk it out.  WRONG.

Not only does she mean what she says in that moment when she tells you she needs to be alone with her thoughts; but guess what….you too need to go off somewhere and find some emotional balance.

When your ex says she need to figure things out and is not sure what she wants, then believe her. Rushing her through her process of trying to get in touch with her own feelings will very likely cause her to resent you.  When a girl says she needs time to think about “our relationship”, take her for her word.

Don’t allow yourself to get bogged down in trying to debate the merits of why you are right and she is wrong.  There is hardly anything you can say at this time that will get through to her.  Chances are she has already tuned you out.

She is probably trapped in her own mind of trying to reconcile all the feelings she is experiencing.  So you best not give her more negatives to pile up against you.

What Does It Mean When My Ex Girlfriend Tells Me to Leave Her Alone?

hiding out

Does it mean if you give her space she will come back to you?

You see, you have already made your first mistake if you think of it in this way.  Don’t look at this from your perspective.  To really make a dent in her reluctance to be around you, you need to first understand what your ex is thinking.

I mean, not only do you need to give your ex space to figure things out.  You need to try to climb inside her mind and empathize with what she is going through.  Only then will you understand.

And when you can connect with her thought process, you will be far better equipped to do and say the RIGHT things to get her back when that time comes.

There are 7 reasons why your ex girlfriend probably wants to be left totally alone right now.  Now she might not feel or think all of these things, but it’s best that you understand the range of feelings she might be having right now. So let’s go over them so you can be that sensitive guy she is going to need later.

  1. She is sick and tired of you and you better back off are you are going to blow it.  You could be one stupid remark from losing her forever.
  2. When a girl says she needs time and space its because she is truly confused and your mere presence before her is contributing to your ex girlfriend’s confusion.
  3. Your ex girlfriend could be embarrassed about the flood of emotions overcoming her and needs to go cry it out.
  4. Its possible your ex girlfriend feels ashamed about how she has handled certain things and doesn’t trust herself in that moment and needs to retreat into herself to reconcile he feelings.
  5. Your ex may be a whisker away from having a full own panic attack and if you keep pressing, its all going to come tumbling down.
  6. Things have happened that has caused her to feel unsafe.  So she needs to be left alone so she can regain her sense of safety.
  7. The emotions with the break up has created a rage inside her and she may fear that she will say or do something that she can never take back and therefor needs to get away from you to get control of what is bubbling up inside her

 

Frequently Asked Questions About What To Do If Your Ex Says She Needs a Timeout From You

asking questions

FAQ 1: When My Ex Girlfriend Says the needs time to sort things out, does that mean I am doomed?

Sometimes your ex just needs to do just what she is telling you. Taking a timeout from the relationship can be helpful to both of you. There can be many thoughts that are accumulating in her mind and that can cause her to start feeling panicky or unsure about things.  So allow her time to sort through her feelings. Treat her respectfully, with kindness.  If the relationship she has had with you has been generally positive, chances are she will come to see that and in those more calm moments when she is left alone, she will come to understand that leaving you is not in her best interests.

FAQ 2: But if I give her space and ignore her like she has asked me to, won’t I chance losing her to some other guy?

In the vast majority of cases, when you ex girlfriend is desperately seeking time alone, its not because she wants to go chasing after another guy.  If you are really concerned by that, just ask yourself if there is any evidence of this possibly happening.  Has she spoken of another guy she likes? Does she have an ex boyfriend that has come back into the picture?  If none of these things apply, then it’s likely your imagination has hijacked your common sense.  So just let it go and let your ex have all the room she needs to sort things out.

FAQ 3: I don’t believe she needs time to figure things out.  Isn’t this just a stall tactic?

I think you are making a huge mistake if you don’t respect your ex girlfriend’s request for alone time.  Despite what you might think, letting her do her own thing is what is best.  If she tells you she is mixed up, you are only going to hurt yourself if you try to talk her out of her desire to be by herself.  Everybody needs time to decompress.  Our feelings about things can get all jumbled up.  If you start making her feel guilty about take some time away from you, she will come to resent you which will result in worse things happening later.

FAQ 4:  I gave my ex girlfriend all the space she needed.  Then she came back and broke up with me.  What now?

You should know that the ex recovery process is just that….a process.  It is possible your ex girlfriend went off somewhere and convinced herself of something that is not in her best interest.  She may have been unduly influenced by somebody who was not in your corner.  These things are possible. Your ex may have been unsure about the relationship, but the weight of the uncertainty caused her to just call it quits as a way of putting it all behind her.  But seldom are things so easy when it comes to relationship and breakups.  So give it some time.  Institute the no contact process and do all those things I teach in my ebook, “Ex Girlfriend Recovery Pro“.

FAQ 5: I don’t want to leave my ex girlfriend alone.  I know what she wants and needs and its me. Wouldn’t I just be helping her make the wrong decision?

Unfortunately, despite what your might think, you don’t always know what is best for your ex. She is your ex for a reason.  Things happened in the past and it caused a breakup.  And though you may feel passionately about putting the relationship back on track, pushing or trying to force your ex girlfriend to see everything your way is a recipe for disaster.  You don’t want to go from being an ex boyfriend to a guy who is perceived as a stalker or an obsessive ex.

The fact is that most of the time, after we  go through a breakup, we will want to fix things as quickly as possible. We can get this rush of intense desire to convince her that she is wrong.  You will convince yourself that if she would give you another chance, things will work out this time and the relationship will blossom.

But consider the fact that you might not know your ex girlfriend’s state of mind at this stage. She may be in an entirely different place emotionally.  So it’s often best to allow for some space for you both to get more grounded and in touch with all your feelings.

		

Written by EGR team mate

Chris Seiter