When your ex-girlfriend cheats on you it is massive betrayal of trust. Your ex abused and disrespected your loyalty in favour of another man.
It has you feeling angry with her, him, and with yourself. You’re depressed one day and upset the next…. You’re wondering
“What did I do to deserve that?”
Despite what’s happened you still remember the good times you had together, you miss her and you want her back.
I get it, you still love her and you want to try and work things through.
To help you win your ex-girlfriend back this article is going to discuss three things:
- Why she cheated
- Steps to getting her back
There are two types of cheating, emotional cheating and physical cheating.
Emotional cheating is when someone’s infidelity involves an intimate closeness with the technicality of not being physical, things like secret texting and flirting, getting close to someone they shouldn’t, spending more time with that person than you, and developing and emotional bond with someone else. The thrill with emotional cheating is psychological. Most people don’t feel guilty for this because they feel like it isn’t cheating on a technicality.
Cheating physically can exist with or without the emotional aspect.It includes any type of relationship where the relationship is physical, sex, making out, even something as simple as kissing. Sexting even falls in this category even though there is no touching involved, because they are sharing parts of themselves that are reserved for intimate relationships. Most people find themselves in this type of situation because they are seeking some type of excitement or thrill.
The way that men and women cheat is quite different, men generally cheat physically but women are more likely to cheat emotionally.
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Why She Cheated
Loss of Attraction
One reason that will cause your ex to cheat is loss of attraction.
When you first started dating your ex was highly attracted to you. Think back to the early days of the relationship, I bet you put a lot of effort into looking good for her.
Now compare that to the amount of effort you put into looking good now, ask yourself if you have you let yourself go since you started dating.
Another thing might explain your ex’s cheating is if you have become needy and insecure, if this is the case then it is likely that her attraction for you has slowly died.
When the physical or psychological attraction faded your ex-girlfriend may have started to view other men more favorably when compared to you.
Another reason a women cheat on their boyfriends is because they aren’t getting enough attention or support at home.
Take a moment to think about the honeymoon period of your relationship. Remember the constant texts you would send her, the hours you could spend talking on the phone, how you would shower her with compliments and affection.
If your ex-girlfriend felt neglected or that she was taken for granted then she will have been drawn to a man who is showing her the attention and affection she craves.
Sometimes an ex-girlfriend can experience boredom if her life with you became run of the mill and mundane. This is usually caused if you have no desire to grow as an individual, you have no aspirations or dreams that she can see you striving for in life. Growing together as individuals keeps a relationship interesting for a woman and without this the relationship will seem stale and stunted.
It is also possible that her boredom stemmed from routine if you were together a long time and got stuck in a rut. One of the main gripes I hear from girls when talking about their ex-boyfriends is that “he didn’t want to go out anymore”- if this sounds like you then it might be time to make some changes.
This reason is really common. It happens more often than you would think that an ex-girlfriend will cheat on you because you cheated on them first. When this occurs, your ex is trying to hurt your feelings in retaliation for your cheating.
This one is a big one for a woman, if your ex lost respect for you then her attraction for you will plummet in equal measure.
A woman generally loses respect for a man when she sees that he doesn’t have his life together and is unable to provide for her or protect her.
If you aren’t making efforts to look after yourself then your ex is going to question if you are capable of looking after her. If you let people walk all over you, your ex will is going to question if you are capable of standing up for her too. This is why I recommend getting your life back in order before contacting your ex.
Now this reason is not great. People who have a history of cheating on partners have a tendency to cheat on future partners throughout their life.
Have you heard the phrase “Once a cheater always a cheater”?
I am afraid to say that its generally true. Numerous studies have shown that if a person cheats once in a relationship that there is a 45% chance that they will cheat again.
Does this mean your situation is a doomed from the start? Of course not, people are capable of change however be mindful that if someone is a habitual cheater then the likelihood of them changing in the future is low.
Before we talk about the steps you can take to win your ex-girlfriend back I think it would be beneficial to talk about if you should be trying to win your ex back.
When an ex cheats on you it is a huge betrayal of your trust and loyalty, the situation can leave you racing to get her back for the sake of your ego. Before you contact her take a moment to consider if your ex-girlfriend is the right woman.
There are 3 things you should be thinking about when it comes to assessing if you should try and win your ex back.
You need to ask yourself these three questions to assess if you can actually have a successful relationship with your ex-girlfriend going forward.
Can you trust her not to cheat again or will you be living in fear and paranoia every-time she is out of sight?
Can you forgive her infidelity and not use it as ammunition against her whenever you argue?
Can you forget her infidelity or will you always be thinking of it each time you pass a bar they met in or a place you know they stayed?
If you can’t overcome these issues then your future relationship will tear itself apart due to insecurity and your life together will be full of anxiety. Ultimately you have to consider your own sanity in situations like this as well as thinking about how much you miss her.
If you do find you can answer those three questions positively then you can go about trying to win your ex-girlfriend back. If you do get back together, you are absolutely 100% at liberty to request she erase that other man from her life completely and it’s okay to make that a deal breaker.
How to Win Her Back
There are four main steps to winning your ex back if she cheated on you, and I have pretty good news for you…. If your ex cheated on you and you broke up with her, then she is likely to be highly receptive to you reaching out and getting back together. In my experience if an ex cheated on you they will be desperate to hear from you after your no contact period.
How do I know this? Well women are creatures of comfort, they like to maintain the status quo more than men do. Generally speaking women would rather work at repairing a relationship after cheating than go through the upheaval of starting again with someone new.
With this in mind, if you follow the next six steps very diligently over the coming weeks then you will have an excellent chance of winning your ex-girlfriend back.
The first step in the path to getting your ex-girlfriend back is to take a break from her. You need to have a period of no-contact.
No contact is a period of time where you avoid all forms of contact with your ex on purpose. This would include telephone calls, texting, messaging apps, social media comments, face to face meetings etc. I would also recommend that you do not spend time checking her social media profiles during your no contact
period as it will slow down the recovery process.
The no contact period is an essential part of the Ex-Girlfriend Recovery process as:
- It gives you space to get your life in order
- It gives her time to miss you
- It gives her peace to forget the bad times and remember the good times
Your no contact period should last between 21-45 days. As a rough guide for how long you should do No Contact for:
- 21 days if you ended on good terms and feel confident in yourself
- 30 days if the breakup was nasty and you need some time to recover
- 45 days if you were especially needy, experienced cheating or cheated and need a lot of time to recover.
For most of you I would recommend a 30-45 day No-Contact period. Don’t worry your ex-girlfriend won’t forget about you if anything it will make her wonder why you haven’t messaged her. The space apart will mean that at the end of your no-contact period she will be absolutely desperate to hear from you. In fact if there is one thing I have learnt from our sister site, Ex-Boyfriend Recovery, is that she will lose her mind when you aren’t texting her and your ex might actually start to text you instead. If this occurs keep your cool and continue to ignore her, it’s just a sign that your no-contact period is actually working!!
The next step in the process is to become the Alpha Male.
What is an Alpha Male anyways? An alpha-male is that guy you always kind of hated, he was the guy who all the girls would flock towards, he was ripped, popular, funny, and probably had plenty of spare cash- and you were sat there thinking “some guys get all the luck”.
Well here’s the secret, it is not luck. You can actually become an Alpha Male, all you need to do is focus on three areas:
- Looking good
- Having a life
- Getting rich
OK so looking good, do you need to lose some weight? Did you have a six pack when you met her and now it’s a keg?….. well it’s time to hit the gym and get back into shape!!!
Make sure you are looking buff, your clothes are sharp and your personal hygiene is in order. It’s easy to let things slide when you are comfortable in a relationship and it’s even easier to let things slide further when you breakup.
Women care about looks just as much as men do, Looks are the universal foundation to all attraction so it’s time to start improving how she sees you.
Having a life, this one is really straight forward. Go out and socialize, meet other women and get back in the game. Hang out with your friends and just get used to having your freedom back again. Your ex-girlfriend is secretly hoping that you will be lost and miserable without her, if she hears you are talking to other girls and having a great time since you broke up, this competition with other girls will drive her insanely jealous and all of a sudden, she will see you as interesting again. In no time at all she will be running back to you!
The last thing on the alpha male list was getting rich. Now I don’t literally mean become a millionaire but you should be working to improve your position financially. I mentioned earlier that a women is looking for a guy who can provide and protect her, if you can provide her with a stable relationship both emotionally and financially then you are on to a winning combo!
You would be amazed at how much more attractive a guy becomes when he seems to be more successful. To take advantage of this fact you should aim for that new job, get that promotion and tell everyone about it. Nothing bugs a woman more than when a man suddenly improves his status after a breakup; it makes your ex feel like she is missing out on you at your peak!
I wanted to touch on the topic of social media for second because it’s a really effective weapon in your arsenal when trying to get your ex-girlfriend back.
Social media is the perfect way to indirectly advertise just how “Alpha Male” you have become since the breakup. It gives you the ability to show your ex how great you look, how often you are going out, how rich you are getting (think about how you can portray this in your lifestyle- maybe you check-in at that expensive new club or show yourself shopping for a new car).
The best part about social media is that it allows you to show your ex how many women you are talking to, just by adding new girls on Facebook your ex will see how in demand you are becoming. Trust me when I say that women check constantly to see if you have added new friends after a breakup. When your ex sees girl’s you’ve been chatting to on Tinder in your friends list, she is going to have an emotional meltdown and this is exactly the reaction you are looking for.
This section covers the last three steps of the process, i.e. Texting, telephone calls and dates. I’ve grouped them all together as they are all forms of interaction. I won’t go into the detail of what you should say to your ex in this article as there is plenty of material dedicated to that elsewhere on Ex-Girlfriend Recovery, instead this article will give you a feel for the steps you need to take so you are prepared for when the time comes.
When you reach out to your ex, positive interaction and rapport is fundamental to getting her back. All texting, calls and meet-ups need to be interesting, humorous and positive. The hardest part is often avoiding getting drawn into fights over text message. Once you have established enough rapport you should get her hooked on you by making sure your interactions are flirtatious and that you tease her a little.
When you come out of no-contact you will start with texting every couple of days and slowly build up over a couple of weeks to texting almost every day. As a word of warning make sure you aren’t over texting, your texts should be roughly the same length as her responses. If she doesn’t reply straight away; you should avoid double and triple texting her as will appear rude or desperate.
Once you have sufficient rapport built up with your ex-girlfriend you can shift to phone calls, again the same principles apply as with texting. Keep it casual and engaging and make sure you are the one ending the conversation first as this will leave her wanting more and chasing after you. A huge part of winning your ex back involves getting them to feel like they need more of your time, more of your attention, more of your affection.
When you feel you have built up enough of a connection with your ex through texting and phone calls you can suggest a casual meet-up.
Yes, you heard right……. it’s not a date yet, again it comes back to leaving her feeling she wants more of your time. If you follow the Ex-Girlfriend Recovery process then your first meet-up is a friend date, your second meet-up is a casual date, your third meet-up can be a romantic date.
Do you see how you need to pace yourself and tease the situation out? Great, that means you are ready to start winning your ex-girlfriend back.
We have covered off the six steps to getting your ex back even if she cheated on you. It’s pretty straight forward, do a period of no-contact, work on becoming the Alpha Male, make sure you get braggadocios on social media, then reach out to her through texting and phone calls before leading onto meeting up.
The absolute key to success is discipline, sticking to your no contact, maintaining your efforts to become the alpha male, not getting to drawn into arguments when you interact with her. If you can do all that then you are in great shape to win your ex-girlfriend back.