How to Get Your Ex Back if You Were Clingy

Okay, let me paint a picture for you.

There is a couple, Sarah and Mike.

Sarah and Mike decide to move into a cute little house together.

Like this.

They are so happy.

It’s convenient because Mike works close enough that he can walk to work. The smallness of the house doesn’t bother them at all because they are just so happy being together.

They wake up every morning to the sun’s rays dancing through the curtains into their little kitchen. Life couldn’t be more perfect. The air in their house almost even feels lighter than the air outside.

It doesn’t even bother them when the sink starts to leak because they work together to fix it.

But, time goes by and the house starts to seem smaller than it once did.

It like they can’t get away from each other.

Sarah can’t do something without Mike being a part of it, even if he doesn’t mean to be.

They start to argue over who’s responsible for the dishes in the sink.

Their house doesn’t fit them anymore. The walls seem closer together and the air feels stale.

I’m not sure if Sarah asked him to or if he decided to on his own, but Mike packs his things and moves into a hotel up the road.

For the first two or three weeks, he habitually walks into the house several times. Each time Sarah politely makes chit chat as she ushers him back out the front door. She ignores his comments about the small changes around the house and she skillfully dodges all mention of the life they had together.

Finally, she decides to change the lock. When Mike’s key doesn’t work, his feelings are hurt and he pounds loudly on the door.

Sarah doesn’t even open it. She just talks to him through the door.

“Mike, you don’t live here anymore. You can’t keep showing up. I need some time.”

He leaves. The walk back to the hotel seems longer. His feet feel heavier.

The next day, he walks down Maple Street so he doesn’t have to walk past the house they used to live in together. That doesn’t stop him from thinking about it though.

One day, his curiosity gets the better of him. He uses his old route to get home.


He is shocked. She has replaced the dry cracked paint with a new vibrant color, that, frankly, makes Mike a little sick.

If he’s ever going to move back there, that color just won’t do.

He heads to the store and returns carrying gallons and gallons of the original color.

When he returns, he finds Sarah outside on a ladder, fixing a shutter that had begun to off the hinges a few months into them living there. She is quick to tell him that he’s not painting the house. He doesn’t live there anymore, so he doesn’t get a say in what color it is. Why can’t he just give her space like she asked?

Mike doesn’t even pick up the paint. He leaves and finds himself getting more and more agitated. It was almost like he had never even lived in the house. He had thought maybe if he painted the house back the color it was when they first moved there that she would let him help with the other repairs. Then she might ask him to come back.

He stayed away for a few weeks, but he couldn’t stop thinking about that horrible color and wondering what other changes she has made.

He decided to walk to the edge of the neighbor’s yard, where he could see the house without Sarah knowing.

There was a huge fence around the entire house. The “Keep Out” and “Beware of the Dog” signs made it clear that she didn’t want him anywhere near her.

How would he ever get her back? He just wanted to go back to the way things were.

When he looks at the house that used to be theirs, all he sees is the life they had.

Alright. Let’s come back to reality for a moment, because Sarah and Mike are just made up people and their house is an analogy that I will explain in a moment.

Besides, I was starting to get a little agitated at Mike, which is silly since he doesn’t exist.

It’s easy to look at someone else’s situation and just know what it is that they should’ve done. And you can usually tell what actions the should take (or stop taking) in the future.

But looking at our own situations is different. Our judgment is clouded by our emotions and our desires. That’s why we make so many mistakes at the beginning when emotions are high.

It’s usually only after we think we’ve screwed things up that we start looking to others to help us find a little clarity on our situations.

Right?

Isn’t that how you ended up here?

The “Come Back”

So, how do you come back from trying to hold on too tightly and driving your ex so far away that it doesn’t seem likely that she’ll ever come back?

Is it even possible?

Well, I say that it’s up to you.

You have to decide to keep your emotions in check.

Am I say not to feel what you’re feeling?

No. Absolutely not.

I am telling you not to let your emotions determine your actions.

If you take what we tell you here and put it into action then your odds of having her come back to you are much higher than if you keep doing what you’re doing or if you give up.

The way I see it, you’ve tried a way that doesn’t work. Now you can try a way that has helped several hundred people get their exes back.

Yes. It is possible to come back after making even the most desperate mistakes.

I know I know, I sound like some Disney yahoo.

It’s not going to be all sunshine and rainbows. I won’t tell you it will be. I can tell you that it will be easier with a plan and people who can support you. We provide both of those things.

Step One: Where To Start If You Were To Clingy With Your Ex Girlfriend or Vice Versa?

So, as I always say, let’s dive in.

The hardest thing in starting anything is taking the first step.

I’m sure you picked up on the analogy earlier, but I’m going to walk through it anyways.

The house is the life that the two of you built together. At first, it’s solid and perfect. You don’t mind having each other all up in your business all the time.

Over time, things slip. You get comfortable and you stop putting in so much effort. Hence the peeling paint and the hanging shutters.

The leaving, that’s the breakup, whether she broke up with you or you decided to leave on your own, you decided you wanted her back and you… overreached, so to speak.

Don’t worry, it’s in everyone’s nature to do just that. More people than you can even begin to imagine react by trying to hold onto what they had and driving their ex away.

That first step means letting go of that past.

I know.

That’s not what you wanted to hear. Right?

Have you ever heard someone say “The first step is acceptance.” Usually, they are talking about addictions, death, or other things that alter your perceptions of life.

But emotions alter your perception too.

Choosing to fight against those natural reactions though is hard. It takes discipline.It’s a quality that so few people have these days. If you are one of those few, then I suggest you summon every ounce of self-control that you have.

Discipline is about your ability to control your desires and impulses in order to stay focused on what needs to be done to achieve a goal.

I know you think the goal is just to get your ex back and all of your focus right now is on her and what she’s doing. But your discipline needs to be to shift your focus onto your life.

It will feel like it is the most difficult thing you will ever do.

Your mind will wander back to what she’s doing and inevitably you’ll find yourself looking at her social media or driving past her house. The discipline is redirecting your mind to your own life.

First, start No Contact. That is a must. You can’t move forward if you are still looking backward. You can read more about No Contact and how long it should be here.

Once you start No Contact, you should decide what you want to accomplish in your life. Don’t worry about her’s. You can’t control anything she does or anything she has going on in her life. What you can do is control what’s going on in yours.

Step Two: Layout a Plan

So, figure out how to make you are going to improve your life, and we’ll go from there. But you need to have a clear picture of what it is that you’re going for.

For me, when I had to make the distinction, I had to decide to finish up some courses I was putting off finishing. I had to figure out if the hobbies and interests I had in my life were there because I wanted them there or if they were there because I thought they were something my ex had brought into my life. And I had some old college debt I need to take care of. I had put all of it off because it was one big mountain. I was happy so my mountains didn’t really matter to me much at the time.

But then, after you get to a point where you aren’t happy and you are looking backward instead of forwards, you don’t have the motivation to conquer mountains either.

So, get your head wrapped around the things you can change.

Once you get this picture solidified in your mind, you need to lay out what it is going to take to get there. I mean step by step what it will take.

Step Three: Get Rid of Distractions

For me, laying out a plan meant I had to evaluate my student debt. I had to do a lot of studying to knock out my last few classes. And I had to learn how to reset my mind to redirect every time I started to think about what might have been and what my ex was doing that very moment.

It was far from easy.It’s like we are with our phones now.

It’s like we are with our phones now.

Think about it. When you have a moment when there is nothing specific for you to focus on, what is the first thing you do?

You look at your phone, right?

And it isn’t because there is something important on it. It’s just because it has been a source of entertainment ever since you’ve had it.

Kind of like your ex.

At the beginning, when you were bored, you would reach out to her. Then, once you were together, you knew she would be there if you reached out to her.

Breaking that habit is no easy feat.

If you were having a hard time giving up the habit of reaching for your phone and checking facebook every time you were bored, what would you do?

You would remove facebook from your phone or at least log out and make it more difficult to log on. Right?

That’s why it’s important to remove the distractions in this situation too.

Unfollow her on Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, and whatever other social media you have a habit of checking on her with.

This will make it easier to focus on your goals rather than hers.

I can’t illustrate how important this is for you to be successful.

But this baby does a pretty decent job of it.

Step Four: Stick with it

The hardest part about all of this is not giving up on your goals when you have setbacks.

One of the best things I ever found that made it easier to stick with it was setting up a countdown for the end of No Contact. You know, one that reminded you how much time you had left until you could move into the Texting Phase. The most important thing for you to remember once you make it to the Texting Phase is not to let your emotions take over and drive your actions.

Which you can read about here.

My suggestion on No Contact is to do the full 45 days since you’ve already pushed her away by being clingy.

And if you didn’t go read that article earlier, I suggest you do once you finish this one. Here’s the No Contact link.

All you have to do is stick to the plan and follow it until you get where you want to be.

Feel free to reach out to any of us here at Ex Recovery. We do our best to answer every question.

		

Written by EGR team mate

EBR Team Member: Ashley

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58 Comments on "How to Get Your Ex Back if You Were Clingy"

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Rick
Guest
My ex always posted her feelings on twitter and she posts angry tweets and sometimes depressed tweets. I was trying to move on when I saw her post saying “I’m not okay but I will be.” But she still posts songs that are broken. When we broke up she told me to stop contacting her relatives and so I did. But, when one of my relatives died she texted my mom. After that I texted her and said thank you. Then she took to twitter right after my message and said “I have so many things to say but I… Read more »
Chris Seiter
Admin

Hey Rick….yep, you guys are going thru the throes of emotions that accompany breakups. Kinda hard to escape them. Have you picked up a copy of my ebook, Ex Girlfriend Recovery Pro? (i.e. website Menu/Products link). Its massive and is an excellent Companion Guide that helps you through the entire breakup process. Yep…push and pull. She is either figuring out what she wants or testing you to see what you really want. Check out the ebook as its a great resource.

Jason
Guest
Hey so my ex and i broke up around 2.5 months ago… it was pretty mutual. and it was both of our longest relationships weve ever been in (both 25 years old) I know a reason that we drifted apart towards the end was how needy i was… we texted constantly and i would get worked up when she didnt answer or didnt answer how i expected. we even had a conversation a week or 2 before we broke up about how we both felt smothered. I went a month of NC and reached out to positive results.. we have… Read more »
Chris Seiter
Admin

Things seem to be progressing in the right direction. But I wouldn’t apologize for being needy, though letting her know that you realize you have not been there for her emotionally is a good idea. I have a suggestion for you! Take a look at my Ex Recovery Pro ebook which you can find in the Menu Section under”Products”. There are a ton of ideas in there for you! You don’t have to try and figure it all out by yourself!

andrew
Guest
Im so happy I stumbled across this website. I already wrote this in a comment section but I can’t seem to find my comment anymore since I refreshed my page(because I was trying to see if I got a response). So I’m jus going to paraphrase what I said. So I fell for the girl of my dreams in 9th grade, I’m a sophmore now. Though we have known each other longer than this because of middle school. I am 15 right now and I know you must be thinking this kid is crazy and this is just a general… Read more »
andrew
Guest

sorry about the double post

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Andrew,

If you’re going to follow the advice above, do at least 21 days of nc. Be active in improving yourself and don’t chase after nc and check this post too:
How To Make Your Ex Girlfriend Fall In Love With You Again

Andrew
Guest
I am so thankful I stumbled across this website. I’m only 15 but I am very selective when it comes to being in a relationship. I thought I had found the girl of my dreams in 9th grade, I am now a sophomore btw. I became friends with this girl and we were able to get really really close. When I first met her I was going to attempt to shoot my shot but disappointingly she was scooped up by another guy and they were cuffed for 8 months. Yeah I was sad for a couple weeks but I happened… Read more »
Andrew
Guest

Please read it fully its worth the read^

Andrew
Guest
Hello Amor, I had been with this girl for over a year and a few days ago, she broke up with me (this was our first relationship). Her reason was that she had been unhappy for a long time and she didn’t want to hurt me anymore (her explanation was very vague). After the breakup, I made two big mistakes: sounding clingy and desperate by saying things like “are we ever getting back together” and reaching out to one of her friends. Reaching out to her friend was a mistake because her friend acted like she didn’t know about what… Read more »
Andrew
Guest

Also, the two guys she liked already asked her out but right now she told them that she wasn’t ready for a relationship. She did say that in the future, she would choose one of them.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Andrew,

If you’re going to do no contact that means you’re not going to send gifts… if she does, yes, you can say thank you but that’s the only things you’re going to say.

Andrew
Guest

How long do you think I should do it? My ex has already been asked out and she told me that she would accept his offer in the future but not now.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

do at least 30 days.

Lukari
Guest
I recently sorta came out of a relationship ( she broke up with me due to me pushing her away) was with her since beginningish of August to end of September. I pushed her away because I was still recovering from a prior relationship, and she was being a handful talking about the future and stuff being clingy herself instead of giving me some space. In that prior relationship, it broke off during the summer break, not because of anything either of us did, but we lost a lot of people in the summer and we both had worsened health… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Lukari,
Do you want to be just friends with her again,n

Evie
Guest

So my girlfriend left me 2 months ago (I’m a girl too) saying we had a perfect relationship (even thought it was long distance) but she needed to be out of a relationship for a little while to focus on herself and promising it wasn’t goodbye. Being in a hard place at the time, I came across as crazy and clingy with my messages and actions. Now I’m afraid I may have lost her forever… What do I do?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Evie,

How long were you together? Are you going to do the no contact rule?

Evie
Guest

We were together for 2 months. And I believe I have to at this point, even though she hasn’t talked to me since August.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Ok, do 21-30 days nc..

Evie
Guest

First NC was 18 days but I broke contact by going to see her where she lives and reaching out to her family (hence clinginess), which got her really upset. Then a month after which I apologized and wished her an early happy birthday. Finally after 25 days I sent her a snapchat after finding out from her story that she blew a tire on the highway. I’ve had no answer from her since the angry response, apart from a single snapchat. I’m afraid I blew it all by being crazy and clingy…

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Just dont do it again. Be very active, genuinely, in your life.. Your posts are your indirect way of showing that

Gary
Guest
Hi, what do you do if your girlfriend breakes up, and you are still going to be living together for 3 months, until it’s possible to move out of the appartment. How should the NC rule be implemented when we are living together every day? We moved in together to quickly, and I did’t see the signs about her losing fellings. It came as a huge surprise.. Shes 21 and I am 4 years older. I think it all became to boring and she lost the spark. We are still really good friends, there is no hard fellings what so… Read more »
Gary
Guest

Note that we been living together for 1 year and been together as a couple for 2 years

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor
panda
Guest
Hi my galfren’s sign is leo n i m aquarius..we were together for 3 n a half yrs n we really love each other and we r on a same-sex relation…but c broke up with me on aug 31st..c said c cares abt me n i was devastated but i cudnt stay without being in touch..so we have been texting each other in a friendly way..c said c doesnt want to get back n i sudnt expect anythin ….But since the breakup was on the time of mercury retrograde n our chats have increased since yesterday..is there a chance that… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Panda,

when and how long did you do the no contact rule? The thing is, if you keep to an ex, especially right after the break up, you’re more likely to be friendzoned.

Kir
Guest
Hi guys, So far your website helped me loads in terms of building that confidence back and getting my feelings back on that track. I genuinely felt lost but this gives me hope. So my gf recently broke up with me while she was on holiday saying that our characters don’t match and that she realized she doesn’t miss me at all. I have looked back at my behavior and mistakes and realized that I was too clingy, always asking questions like “Do you love me?” which put her off. She is coming back soon on the 30th of August… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Kir,

Just give it to her and only talk to her about her stuff. No feelings or relationship talk.

Patrick
Guest
Hi. I was in a relationship for 6 months but she broke up with me quite abruptly. She said I had become too insecure about her guy best friend. It’s been a month since the breakup and I haven’t tried to contact her but I see her at school everyday. She told my friend that she doesn’t wanna talk to me because she thinks I will bring up the breakup and the relationship again. Although I want her back, I’m willing to take it slow. How do I get her to at least talk to me as a friend? So… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

are you actively improving yourself? what new activities have you started?

dylan
Guest
i got you book thinking it would have more information on my situation. Maybe its that i didn’t stumble onto it soon enough. i was in a relationship for 18 months with my ex and it was very fulfilling. this past march on the 6th she said she wanted a break just so she could work on herself. i was scared i thought it was her getting rid of me and i told her i was depressed. she knew that and we spent the next 3 nights in my car she placed my head on her chest and slept with… Read more »
dylan
Guest

sorry didnt mean to double post

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

was it 30 days since you last texted her? how much did you improve and how active we’re you in posting?

Dillon
Guest
i got you book thinking it would have more information on my situation. Maybe its that i didn’t stumble onto it soon enough. i was in a relationship for 18 months with my ex and it was very fulfilling. this past march on the 6th she said she wanted a break just so she could work on herself. i was scared i thought it was her getting rid of me and i told her i was depressed. she knew that and we spent the next 3 nights in my car she placed my head on her chest and slept with… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

was it 30 days since you last texted her? how much did you improve and how active we’re you in posting?

dylan
Guest
so it was 30 days after. we have a really good mutual friend and he actually just called to tell me that she is planning on contacting me in about a month. she just wants to be friends. she did tell him that her and the guy she started talking to right after our break up are officially a thing though. she has future plans and so he told her that he loves her but she didn’t say it back. right now they are just friends with benefits. but she moved out of state so she isn’t in state with… Read more »
dylan
Guest

i also went and spent time with my family she is still friends with them on all social media. the only thing she sees is me being with my family and being happy.

dielon
Guest
so me and my ex broke up about 3 months ago we dated for 18 months. i grew very clingy and obsessed the farther she pushed me away once she told me she wanted a break may 6th. granted before i did any of that there wasn’t one bad thing she could say about me. she actually only wanted a break until i became obsessive. about a month after we broke up this guy started coming onto her really strong. long story short she won’t claim him she just says they are a thing. I’ve been no contact for about… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

keep improving yourself..dont stop it while slowly building rapport.. and dont rush things.. so that she wont think your still clingy..

Ruobing
Guest
HI Amor My gf broke up with me about 2 months ago. we have only been together for 3months. we had a lot of passion for each other at the beginning but we broke up because i was too clingy and that caused a lot of fights. she eventually said she does not have any feelings for me. at the time she also started seeing another guy just before we broke up. I did NC for about 1 week and got in contact with her. she responded to me very positively. we have been talking every day or every few… Read more »
Ruobing
Guest

BTW I have improved myself, i no longer bombard her with texts now if she does not reply. I am giving her a lot of space. I am also focusing on a lot of other activities recently.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Your nc was too short.. you need to restart it and do at least 3 weeks or 30 days and then take it slow in building rapport after.

JJ
Guest
Can I recover from failing a girls tests & get her back if she says she doesn’t want to see me again? First of all sorry for the long narrative! So I’ve messed up big time with failing tests from a girl I really like. We were only seeing each other for 2 months, but there was a connection & the sex was fantastic. I’ve made all the classic mistakes while being drunk; telling her I’m a bit insecure, telling her I want to be with her & that I was falling for her, acting a bit needy & the… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

She doesn’t need time to see it.. You have to to genuinely change whether she sees it or not.. No contact helps increase your chances but only if you genuinely change..

Tim
Guest
So sorry for the long message… Obviously I’m here because I’ve recently broken up with a girl I had been dating and really cared about. I’ve tried just about everything to get over it, have kept myself busy with friends, seen other girls, and just generally tried my best not to think about her. I find myself a little embarrassed sharing all of this because it shows that I’ve let a single person (My Ex) affect me so much. A little background about myself: I’m 25 years old, working full- time now after graduating from college in 2015. I’ve never… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

I’m going to be honest Tim, I didn’t read the whole comment because it’s too long..but if you really want a chance..don’t rush things..focus in improving yourself now, and then take it slow in building rapport

Lukari
Guest

Read the whole thing, I think the best you can do is remember that being content doesn’t take two it just starts with you. 2 don’t think too much. 3 if you both saw potential or see it as a shame that something like your relationship ended the way it did, then in ways and a good while the good of you two will bring you two back together, just set your sights on other parts of what makes life well life to keep you busy.

Khudbi
Guest

Hi Amor

I need urgent help!

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Khudbi,

What can we help you with? If you want you can email at [email protected]

Jared
Guest

Hey there. I have a situation I could use some immediate help with.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

hi Jared

How may we help you?

John
Guest
Hi Amor, I finished the 45nc and reached out with a first contact text but no reply. Thought it was game over from this point.! Until After 4 days I bumped into the ex with a mutual friend whilst I was walking, was soo random and was shocked because of the location which she knows I’m always around. It was a place that I normally would not bumped into her or a route. Said hello to everyone including her, small talk but friendly. I reached again the same day as she lives LD and never normally get chance. We officially… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

That’s a good sign that you’re back in talking..you don’t have to follow the texting guide literally.. You can adjust it based in your situation.. If you think resting for a few days is needed, that’s cool.. When you’re more comfortable texting each other, you can move to calls

John
Guest
Hi Amor, Thanks for your information on text bible. We exchanged for a few days and was going well, so I slowed down for 3 days. She still with her partner and I texted her this weekend, was a happy seasonal message and included a family member who’s not with her at this moment. I go no reply and was wondering on how to reach out better on advice with people who are dating etc… Do I openly say to her when is best to contact you and how do you reach-out if you don’t get a reply from a… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

use topics that she always loves talking about..if you got no reply for 3 times, you have to stop.. rest for a week for the first time, 2 weeks for the second time…

Jordy
Guest

Hi chris can you make an article about staying in contact with your ex’s mom and family ?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Thanks Jordy! I’ll forward this to Chris