Sometimes everything we try just seems to fail.
No matter how hard we try and what we do, the solutions to successfully getting back in touch with our ex-girlfriend seem to escape us.
Do you ever feel this way about your ex girlfriend?
Do you ever think she has just forgotten you?
Well if you do, I can assure you that you are not alone in this predicament.
Throughout my website, Ex Girlfriend Recovery, I provide a great deal of information targeted at trying to help guys reunite with their ex girlfriends.
The advice is sound and usually gets results.
But sometimes guys have these special situations…. and I mean really special, such that their ex girlfriend just won’t respond to the many attempts to re-establish contact.
When you invest your time and emotional energy to implement these multiple tactics, all singularly aimed at trying to get your ex girlfriend back, only to have it end in failure with each try, it’s hard not to feel dejected.
Do You Even Have a Chance of Getting Your Ex Back? Find out in 2 Minutes...Take Quiz Now
You probably have spent enormous hours researching and reading and thinking about the things you should do or should NOT do to enhance your chances of winning back your ex girlfriend.
After all this effort, you probably carefully constructed a game plan.
You may have even gotten yourself pretty excited as you figured your chances were darn good.
“Certainly”, you thought, “she will respond to this message”.
But with every bullet point of the plan checked off, you got nothing in return.
You fell flat on your face wondering,
“What will it take to get her attention?”
Ok… time out!!
I just want to make one thing clear.
In my writing of this post, when I use the phrasing, “YOU”, let me be clear that I am not specifically talking about you, personally. I am just using this language and phrasing as a way to advance the dialogue of my message.
Alright, let’s get back to my post….
You may have even fallen into a deeper sense of futility and have started wondering whether you should just give up.
You might be angry, thinking, “what is wrong with her?”
Hell, you might even get really upset at your ex, casting all kinds of ugly thoughts of her in your mind’s eye.
The “topsy turvy” range of emotions that you are experiencing aren’t helping much either, right?
You may find yourself just strolling or driving around with no purpose…. stumbling through life in an aimless fashion.
It is enough to send someone into a drinking binge.
Ok, so you may have done that too….. drinking yourself into a temporary state of numbness.
But after you run through this ex girlfriend obstacle course a few times, each time coming up short, you start thinking:
“Ok, there must be some other things I can do.”
Or maybe you are thinking,
“What the crap am I doing wrong… I can’t even get a peep from her… not a word…. it’s as if I have fallen out of her life.”
Yea…I know…it sucks.
It really sucks when your ex will not make any effort to contact you, particularly after you have instituted what you thought was a fabulous game plan.
Perhaps you already went through a 30 days No Contact Period and tried all the steps of initiating contact, but still no luck.
So you feel down and out because you have not heard from her.
I get a lot of feedback from guys who visit my website.
They are almost always focused on their ex-girlfriend’s undesirable behavior or what the ex girlfriend is NOT doing:
For example they say things like:
“She has abandoned me”
“I have not heard from her”
“She stopped calling me and talking to me”
“She won’t text me back”
“My ex gf ignores me and is not replying”
“My ex girlfriend is not responding”
“I have not heard from her in ages….she never contacted me again”
Chris, I heard from her, but she says she wants to take things slow”
Then I get a flurry of questions like:
“Do I have a chance?”
“Is there any possibility of getting her back after one year?”
“What are my prospects of getting my ex girlfriend talking to me again?”
“Is there any opportunity for me to get my girlfriend back?”
“Is it even worth the effort to try and get my girl back at this stage?”
“How do I get a second chance without making everything worse?”
“I am down to my last chance, Chris, what do I do?”
“My ex gf has never initiated contact and it has been 3 months. How do I turn that around?”
Oh, but here is my all time favorite:
“Ok Chris….I have been doing it the way you laid it out. I did 30 days of no contact at first. No cigar. It’s day 57 now. If it starts working…oh God if it starts working I will be so beholden to you, but I can’t believe it will because she has giving me the big time cold shoulder. But deep inside, I think she definitely wants me back. I pray she wants me back! Ok, Chris, what do I do next if she actually wants to start talking. I don’t want to blow anything. I don’t want to foul this up if she wants me back or even wants to meet up. Geez, I don’t know, maybe I will never hear from her. What a mess, Chris. What a mess.”
It is a heck of a roller coaster ride when you are fighting like mad to get things going again with that special woman you want back.
Is it worth fighting longer?
Do you even have a decent chance?
Hell Yea, you have a decent chance!
Now, I am not going to tell you that your odds are 50/50 because it is a fool’s game to predict the odds of your ex girlfriend picking up the phone and calling you or even simply sending you a text.
But my job is to try and help you improve your odds.
How is that accomplished?
There is a simple answer to how you increase your chances of having your ex gf contact you.
I refer to it as the “Leave NO Stone Unturned” strategy.
The challenge is that you have to be fully committed.
Turning over a few of the stones (i.e. tactics) or even many of the stones is not good enough.
You have to be prepared to turn over every stone in your efforts to re-establish contact and communications with your former girlfriend.
Ready to get Started?
Well, guess what?
YOU Are Getting A Free Get Your Ex Back Training Course!
You are getting the benefit of a free Training Module.
It normally retails out at $19.95 and it is an excellent resource.
How do I know that?
Well, it is because I personally designed this Training Module specifically for those who are having what I characterize as an “acute” communications challenge in getting some kind of response back from their ex girlfriend.
So if you are one of those lucky individuals who landed on this specific page of my website, it is yours to keep, read and enjoy.
And I think you are going to find some darn good actionable ideas that will help you with overcoming many of those ex gf recovery obstacles and communication dead-ends.
EX-GIRLFRIEND TRAINING MODULE- When All Has Failed How Do You Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Talking To You Again – 25 Things You Must Know
One of the most common questions I receive from visitors of my websites is,
“how do I get my ex girlfriend to contact me after I have tried everything”? “What do I do? When do I do it?”
Well, the really, really short answer is I am quite sure you have NOT tried everything.
There are always options. Remember, that whole “leave no stone unturned bit?”
Or they will ask,
“How do I go about improving my chances to wedge my way back into my girlfriend’s heart?”
Ok, now this is a somewhat different question because it is much more ambitious.
In this case, the person is wanting more than just re-establishing contact with their girlfriend, but they really want to win back their heart.
This goes to the heart of what my e-books teach and are all about.
Breakups are hard to endure for both parties. It helps to have a game plan on how to get things righted and moving in the proper direction.
People who are suffering from what I would describe as an acute situation with their ex girlfriend, such that the she simply will not respond to efforts to communicate, are also looking for specifics….a game plan if you will.
Now, we are all different and our situations are unique, so elements of a game plan will vary from person to person.
Some tactics that I will discuss could work quite well given your particular acute relationship situation, whereas other recommendations I make may not be a good fit.
Such is the world of dealing with the complexity of human beings and relationships.
But if you are looking for a general game plan or template on how you go about the entire process, then I have it for you
And believe me when I say this is a process.
It is not a five step plan that lands you back at the door of your ex girlfriend in a few days or even a few weeks (though you never know).
Relationship Recovery Quicksand
Anything that operates that fast usually is doomed to failure.
Most such plans don’t even get out of the starting gate.
The run of the mill, Get Your Ex Girlfriend back in a hurry type of articles often consists of vague or non-actionable advice.
I think of these kinds of programs as Quicksand.
You step into it and you start sinking, fast.
Beware of quick fixes and brainless schemes as they can often cause more harm, than good.
The following passage is relationship advice I would recommend you NOT FOLLOW. It is provided as an example of some of the garbage out there you should avoid. There is no nuance, no sophistication, and some very troubling notions associated with this kind of talk. I call it the “Flintstone Approach”, because it sounds like it comes from the Stone Ages.
A women needs to be told who is boss.
So after your break up, just go right into a 60 day period of completely avoiding and ignoring her.
Maybe throw out a text every 3 weeks letting her know you don’t miss her.
She needs to know you have all the personal power.
If she reaches out, slap her back down. Remember that you are in charge and that if you want her back, then things need to be on your terms, not hers. This is tough love.
Tough on her, but Easy on you.
In the end you will get what you want and deserve.
When I come across relationship advice like this, I conjure up images of something like that scene in the movie, “Magnolia” where the Tom Cruise character is conducting a workshop on how to conquer and dominate women. He comes off as a superficial, psychologically damaged guy who really hates women.
If one was to follow these crude, one dimensional tactics, your chances of ever winning back your ex girlfriend would be dramatically sinking…. deep into the quicksand.
Another mistake some relationship experts make is not seeing the recovery process as two sides of the same coin.
There is the element of this process that is focused on tactics to help you with getting back with your ex gf.
And this process can be broken down into many steps…little steps.
The actions you take should be fully understood. You should not rushed into doing something unless there is purpose behind your actions. You should never come at this process from a sense of desperation.
The other side of the recovery coin is winning yourself back.
As you probably realize, since you are likely experiencing a great deal of emotional strain due to the break up, you will often feel lost much of the time.
You will feel lost to what happened and lost to what you should do.
So you (and your Ex) will need time for healing.
When you are suffering from multiple failed attempts to resume communication with your ex gf, your feelings of despair or desperation may feel even more pronounced.
So when your prior efforts to win her back have fallen flat on their face, then you need to execute something else or modify your existing efforts.
Ex Girlfriend Triage
I am sure you have watched your share of war films.
I love em.
Or how about those hospital dramas, or better yet, how about those apocalyptic types of movies or shows?
Invariably what will happen in some scene of the movie is a great catastrophe will unfold.
People are wounded and bodies are strewn everywhere.
It is a disaster zone.
Starting to ring a bell?
Ok, perhaps your personal situation with your ex girlfriend is not quite so bad!
But if you are really struggling with making contact with your ex and can’t seem to see any way out of the situation, then you may need some really special care.
We are talking bleeding hearts gushing in the streets.
Ok, maybe my analogy is a tad overboard!
But you are with me, right?
So think of this upcoming Training Module you are about to embark on has a Triage that is set up specifically for those with acute injuries….of the ex girlfriend kind.
Just to make sure we are on the same page, here is the definition of Triage.
If you are already encountering some serious emotional blow back from your inability to communicate with your ex gf and you need some help on what to do, then I am assigning you to my special Training Module.
If you are struggled with finding a “Get Out of Jail Card” as it applies to your Ex and really are feeling the acute pain of apparent defeat, then step right on in because this baby is about to get started.
The 5 Phases in the Ex Girlfriend Recovery Game Plan
Did you know that 5 is a prime number and that prime numbers are very special….. maybe even magical.
So perhaps some of this magic will rub off when I walk you through the 5 Phases of your ex girlfriend recovery plan.
If you are seriously wounded from a broken relationship and feel helpless as to what to do next, then let’s get started with your treatment plan.
I am going to introduce you to each phase and then we will discuss them in greater length.
The 5 Phases include:
PHASE I – Damage Control After The Ex Girlfriend Break-Up
1. Breathe Young Man, Breathe…Your May Still Hear From Your Ex-girlfriend Again!
That is right, it ain’t over until all the stones have been turned over.
And guess what? There are many stones. More than you think.
You just need to learn where to look for them and how to use them.
Now, I know you may feel completely dispirited. It is not easy to invest yourself into a young woman and then something happens and it all comes tumbling down.
Much like Humpty Dumpty, pieces and parts of your relationship in the form of memories are just lying all around and you keep running into them.
Just know that the feelings you are having are normal and NECESSARY. You can’t recover fully, if you suppress them.
It is not uncommon for the guy to feel sad and depressed. Believe me, your girlfriend feels the same way, no matter who instigated the break up.
What is typical is we go through a cycle of reacting to the break up. It is referred to as the Kubler-Ross Five Emotional Stages.
Stage One- Denial
You may first go through a period of denial, like it isn’t happening. Well, if you are here reading this, it happened.
This period of denial can last a few days or even weeks.
It is not a healthy place to be in, so get “one with reality”.
Stage Two- Anger
Stage two is when anger and resentment sets in. All those ugly emotions we really hate to feel, but strangely seems to possess our soul.
This is normal too.
The sooner you work through this, the better.
I will give you some pointers later.
Stage Three: Bargaining
Then you will generally go through a period of Bargaining (Stage 3). This is when you try to make compromises with yourself, thinking that it will be easy to deal with the problem. You may come up with some short term solutions only later to discover that the quick fix methods were futile.
This is the ole, bull crapping yourself stage, if you know what I mean.
Stage Four: Depression
The Fourth stage is called, depression.
Oh..yea…. I think most of us know that that is about.
In this stage, the person essentially just sort of gives up and retreats into themselves not wanting to do much of anything. The duration of this stage varies widely depending on the person. It can last a several days….weeks..or just minutes.
Stage Five: Acceptance
But the psychologists say we all experience some form of depression before we move into the last stage, called Acceptance.
When we enter into acceptance, we have largely made peace with ourselves and our situation. We are almost always in a better frame of mind to deal with the problems at hand.
We are better equipped to accept what is happening or what is about to occur. We are calmer and able to act more rationally. This enables us to explore realistic options going forward.
When I think of damage control, I think of it as pertaining to not damaging yourself any further or the relationship you have with your ex gf.
And yes, as much as you think the connection with your ex-girlfriend is broken and that you are screwed, I have news for you.
It is not likely your relationship with her is completely severed.
This is the case given the gravity of how difficult it is to completely sever a relationship connection with your lover. There is a lot of science and neurobiology that supports this conclusion.
So buck up, it ain’t over until it’s over. And in my book, it still ain’t over, even after that.
2. Get Some Perspective…Boyfriends and girlfriends often part ways
In an effort to try to get you from beating yourself up too much, just remember that relationships are hard. They are hard to start….hard to keep…and hard to recover from.
That proof is everywhere you look.
There are tons of books, movies, websites, rumor mills, and all the rest that focus on the issue of relationships.
We are complicated creatures striving not only to figure out ourselves, which is pretty damm hard when you really think about it a lot, but we are also trying to figure out that entity we call the “opposite sex”.
Now, I am certainly not trying to depress you here! I just want you to know that you are not alone in this camp.
Look to your left and look to your right and while you are at it, look forward and look behind you.
Guess what? Every person you saw, has had some kind of relationship break up in their lives. Most often, they had several and very likely all of these people have had a ton of relationship hiccups.
So what is a relationship hiccup? It’s not a break up, but it like when things sour a bit between the sexes.
My larger point is that for you to get on the right road to recovery, you need to understand and accept that relationships just sometimes get upside down for reasons neither you or your girlfriend could have predicted.
Of course, if you treat her like crap…..the relationship won’t last long. But that is not what I am talking about right now.
What I want you to understand is that human beings are exceptionally complex.
Our range of emotions and motivations are wide. The degrees in which we are compatible with our significant other can vary.
Indeed, there is no such thing as a couple that is perfectly compatible.
It is a myth.
We are far too complex in our behavior for that sort of thing to occur.
So if you are suffering from a relationship loss and you want your girlfriend back, think of your situation in this way….you have an opportunity to learn from the past and apply those learnings to the future.
3. Know Thyself…You will be vulnerable to an assortment of emotions
You are likely to come unhinged…. maybe a lot…maybe just a little bit…but just accept that at some stage after the break up, you might not completely recognize yourself.
You may also have trouble sleeping which will exasperate your situation causing you to become further removed from the way your normally feel, react, and behave.
Why am I telling you all this?
It is not to scare you, but I believe forewarned is forearmed.
You may not be able to completely stop these unusual flood of emotions, but you can learn to temper them.
I will be discussing this more in Phase III (see below).
What might be these unusual emotions triggered by the break up with your ex gf?
Many of them are obvious and you may have already dealt with the more common ones (e.g. sadness, confusion, resentment, etc).
The more serious and damaging behaviors you should guard against would include uncontrollable outbursts, obsessive thinking, panic attacks, compulsive behavior, drinking binges, and controlling behaviors.
Knowing the risk of becoming emotionally unhinged should lead you to some preventative strategies.
Keeping your routines and increasing your physical activity (e.g. exercise) is important.
Let me repeat that again. It consider it one of the Golden Rules of Recovery.
Exercise. And when you are through with your workout, a flood of endorphins will be released. You will feel better.
4. Real Men Cry…You better get it out or will get the best of you.
Look, no matter how tough a guy you think you are, if you don’t get some of the emotion bottled up in you, out, then you are headed for trouble.
Shedding a few tears in private can help get your head screwed on right.
The alternative, is to hold it all in and let it come out in more self destructive and harmful ways. That is not tough, that is just plain stupid.
So whatever you have heard about crying being associated with weakness…forget it.
Studies reveal quite clearly that letting it all out and having a cry helps reduce stress hormones, promotes physical health, supports your immune system, gives you perspective and a sense of calm after the tears have been shed.
If don’t buy into this reality, then you best just tip your cap to the ladies, because they will have one up on you.
5. Avoid Rebound Relationships….Keep it in your pants for awhile
When people are in pain, they seek solace…they seek to find a place where they can get some relief, even if it is just for a few hours.
This is why alcohol and substance abuse and other addictive behaviors can threaten your personal welfare immediately following a break up with your ex gf.
Remember, your are responsible for your actions and the last thing you want to do is sink deeper into the muck of your emotions.
Going out and having a quick fling can not only cause you to feel guilty and regret your behavior, but if your actions are later discovered by your ex girlfriend, it will likely sink any chances you had to reconcile.
Now that your dating status has changed, others may try to take advantage of you.
Steer clear of making any plans of going out on any serious dates or hooking up with anyone during the early stages after your break up.
Trust me, things can get very complicated and confusing fast in the dating world and it is no fun getting emotionally whipsawed as you sort through everything that is coming at you.
Getting it on too soon with someone else will do just that.
6. Don’t Play the Blame Game – Both you and your ex gf made mistakes.
The past is behind you.
It is the future, with or without your ex gf, you need to focus on now.
Too often after a break-up, I have seen far guys rest their soul in a place of bitterness.
This is a perfectly natural impulse and should be expected, but don’t give in to these darker emotions.
Look, your ex girlfriend may have said and done some really stupid things. Heck, you may have said and done worst things.
In my experience, when break ups occur, there is plenty of blame to pass around.
The sooner you wipe the slate clean and choose not to dwell on all of the mistakes you both made, the sooner you can get on with healing.
Let your focus be about constructing a game plan to get your girl back.
Now, I don’t have any validated evidence to prove my next statement, but my experience in dealing with Exes has taught me that women tend to take a longer time to stop playing the blame game.
So part of the reason why you are experiencing a shutdown of communications with your ex-girlfriend may be because she is still harboring some really angry and resentful thoughts toward you.
They may be churning over in her mind day after day.
So if this is true, then it serves as yet another reason not to rock her boat by lashing out back at her or doing something idiotic in trying to get her attention.
Just let the embers cool down.
PHASE II – The Different Faces of No Contact
7. Repeat The No Contact Period – Do I hear 30 days….45 days…60 days.
So let’s say that following the break up, you initiated a 30 day No Contact Period in which you were not suppose to communicate with your ex gf, even though you experienced many tantalizing moments of wanting to reach out to her.
But let’s just say you got through it without giving in.
Now let’s say that throughout this 30 day period of no contact with your ex gf you never heard from her.
Sure, you religiously followed the No Contact Rule, but you were hoping to hear from her.
But nothing happened on her end.
So if you followed the advice I have offered in the past, you would have embarked on an effort to initiate contact with your ex gf through what I call a “First Contact” text message.
I have written extensively about this process and how it is done and have provided ample examples which you can find in multiple posts and all of my e-books.
But let’s go on to say that even after doing your best to get a response from your ex girlfriend after using those tactics, you failed.
I bet you are feeling pretty down in the dumps.
It is OK. I never said this would be easy.
These kinds of situations in which a guy is trying to pry himself back into his girl’s life after a breakup are almost always very challenging.
So what do you do now?
Well, let me assure you of one thing.
It ain’t over yet and you better not give up because there are many more stones left unturned.
I would suggest your next logical course of action is to institute another course of No Contact. But this time, make the period longer.
Why should you institute another No Contact Period?
Well, for starters, we are not yet in desperate times.
It is not like that scene from “The Graduate” where that guy runs to the church where his girlfriend is getting hitched and he starts pounding on the window, screaming her name.
Pick a time period and stick with it.
Why a longer period?
It is simply because you can’t rush these things.
The less you overreact to the fact that your ex gf still has not contacted you….the greater your chances that you will not come off as being desperate or needy.
Give her time.
And give yourself more time to become the best version of yourself which I will talk about more in a few minutes.
As I said, there are no guarantees even if you follow these tactics to the tee.
But I do firmly believe you can enhance your chances significantly if you follow the template I am laying out for you.
8. Unscramble Your Mind – It can be your undoing
So you still have not heard from her yet.
You wonder if you ever will.
You know you are not suppose to contact her until the designated No Contact period is over.
Has your ex girlfriend completely scrambled your mind?
Well, if you are in No Contact, we need to do something about that.
Because the more you think about it, the more you will feel inclined to do something about it.
And if you start reaching out to your ex girlfriend in a desperate like fashion, it will only dim your chances.
We cannot be certain as to how all this will work out.
She may eventually respond…maybe sooner than your realize and things can slowly get back on track.
Or she may have decided she wants a complete break from you.
In her mind, she may have concluded that the relationship is completely over.
But my experience in these matters teaches me that women can be fickle as their emotions and “true feelings” have yet to settle in.
She can go from despising you and never, ever wanting to see or talk to you again….then in a couple of days or weeks….she can move into a state of mind where she entertains the plausibility of re-exploring a relationship with you.
Meanwhile, if your brain is moving at a thousand miles a second trying to process all of these possibilities and decipher meaning from everything…you will slowly become unglued.
You need to seriously get unplugged.
You need to unscramble your mind so you can draw closer to feeling whole again, even without her in your life.
You will need to find this state of mind and reside in it in order to optimize your chances of getting your ex gf back because when you do eventually communicate with her, you will need to have your sh#t together, if you know what I mean!
Yep, you are probably in dire need of getting Unscrambled.
Have you ever played SCRABBLE? Here is a little word puzzle that I want you to SOLVE.
I know you can!
And you really need to, because by solving this word puzzle, you will learn one of the most valuable lessons I could ever teach you.
Ok, are you ready?
Go to it!
Decipher this 3 word phrase….
“ELSS SI RMOR”
Ok…did you solve it yet? No fair looking down the page for the answer!
I hope you are working on solving this little puzzle.
I assure you, it will help you immensely in your quest to reunite with your ole girlfriend.
Alright, so if your unscrambled the phrase correctly, it would reveal:
“Less is More”
Sometimes it is wise to do less until it is time to do more, but it not time for any Hail Mary’s.
That hardly works.
They usually backfire.
I know it sounds the opposite of what you should do, but often the worse thing boyfriends can do in trying to retrieve their ex gf is to try too hard.
This is why your are instituting a second NO Contact Period.
Now, I am not saying I will not provide you with a few clever tactics you can employ.
But any behaviors signaling your desperation or any notions of giving her an ultimatum, will usually be met with failure.
Even when you are finally able to break through to her and communications begin, the doctrine of “less is more” will serve you well.
Even then, you will proceed slowly and cautiously so as not to spook your ex-girlfriend or antagonize her in anyway.
Yes…. there is still much for you to learn!
8. Ex Girlfriend Recovery School of Thought #1 – Don’t Violate the No Contact Rule
I don’t think I can make it much clearer.
If you are embracing the tactic of using the No Contact Rule, then stick with it.
Not contacting your ex girlfriend means not initiating any communications with her during the no contact period.
That is the traditional way of implementing the No Contact Rule.
What if she finally reaches out to you?
Should your break the No Contact Rule to talk with her?
My answer is quite complicated because it depends on many things.
If this is the first time through the No Contact Period, then usually the answer is NO, don’t respond to your ex gf as of yet.
There are exceptions depending on various factors. You may have children together or joint finances and something significant has come up (e.g. a true emergency) that will necessitate a conversation.
lf this is the case, keep things strictly non-personal and try to wrap up the conversation.
But it is important to maintain a positive demeanor in all your dealings with your Ex.
Another exception is what I refer to as the “Positive Trending” exception.
If your ex-girlfriend initiates multiple positive efforts to communicate with you and you are at least halfway through the No Contact Period, then you should capitalize on the opportunity.
In my e-books, I discuss extensively the various text and communication methods you can use to move the conversation eventually into a meet-up.
Remember, little steps are the key.
9. Ex GF Recovery School of Thought #2 – A No Contact Redux – respond to their first nibble, but take things real slow.
Because we are such complex creatures, no one method works for everyone.
Sometimes the tactics and strategies need to be tweaked to work in various situations for different types of individuals.
Hence, it is from this type of logic and insight regarding the psychology of people that the School of Thought #2 emerges.
If you are instituting either your first version of No Contact, but particularly if you are in the second run of No Contact, you may want to leverage the opportunity to respond to your ex girlfriend if she finally makes an effort to communicate with you.
The Second School of Thought on this subject of No Contact takes into account that some relationship break-ups may not be as serious or disruptive as others.
Hence, after a reasonable period of time has elapsed, if you receive a positive inquiry from your ex gf, then you should cultivate that opportunity.
This School of Thought also takes into account that if we are engaged in the Second No Contact Period, that any effort made by your former girlfriend to talk with you is most likely done in good faith and that sufficient time has already elapsed for both of you to have gained some perspective and experienced some personal healing.
But I again remind you the golden rule…”less is more”.
Take things very slowly.
You may be ready to address the relationship needs going forward, but you cannot assume your ex girlfriend is completely there emotionally.
And even if you think you are both ready to try things out, just understand that each of you may still face some new insights and emotions as you re-enter into the relationship.
It is great that you have a chance to talk and eventually meet up again.
But you both have work to do to reduce the risk of repeating the same mistakes that led to the breaking off of the relationship.
PHASE III – Becoming You and Yourself (Only if your Ex Girlfriend knew!)
10. Fitness – Your Mind and Body are connected
So while you are in the No Contact phase of trying to win back your girlfriend, it behooves you to place a premium priority on fitness.
Study after study supports the physical and emotional health benefits of a regular fitness program.
As I have explained earlier, odds are that you are an emotional mess.
The stress of a relationship ending can have profound emotional and physical drawbacks.
You may have frequent bouts with loss of appetite, loss of sleep, fatigue, headaches, heightened levels of stress, and many other undesirable outcomes.
So if you have not done so already, then I want you to embark on a ROBUST fitness program.
That’s right, this very minute!
Just stop reading and go put on your running shoes or grab your bike or engage in whatever fitness activity you enjoy.
That’s right! Make this the last sentence your read and when you get back, you can pull up this post and continue on.
Ok, so hopefully you did what I suggested because the very act of working out does amazing things for your body and mind.
And if you want to become the best version of yourself, then you will need your body and mind working as one.
And I am not talking about a “one and done” type of fitness workout.
What I want you to do is embark on a NEW routine in which your exercise at least 45 minutes five times a week.
Hey, I practice what I preach.
To keep my sanity, I workout at least 60 minutes every day. And I am incredibly happy with my relationship, but I still feel the need to do so.
The mind and body are very much connected.
If you wish to optimize your chances with your ex and enjoy the many synergistic benefits of exercise, you need to make a Commitment to Fitness.
11. Wealth – Growing your Personal Assets
This section of the Training Module (Phase III) is all about you realizing your potential.
Working to improve your wealth can help you with increasing your sense of self worth and also send a clear signal to your ex gf that you are a successful guy, serious about the business of growing your capital.
So what do I mean by growing your capital?
Most people usually tell me that I must be talking about growing one’s financial wealth…getting that promotion your have striven for in the past…..or moving on to a new job…or launching your own business.
And yes, these would all be examples of growing your capital wealth.
But wealth management is not just about money.
It is also about growing your spiritual wealth.
This can be done in many ways.
Participating in this training module is a small example. Reading and embracing the concepts, strategies, and tactics I lay out in my popular e-books is another example.
Integrating a new experience into your life such as Yoga or Meditation are other examples.
Growing the wealth of your knowledge and putting away the things from your past that prevent you from realizing your personal goals….these are also examples of wealth management.
12. Friends Indeed – Are Friends You Need
As we make our way through the process of becoming the best version of ourself, we must not forget the importance of our social circles.
Many times, when confronted with a personal setback, people will retreat into themselves.
And while it will be difficult for some of you, particularly in those early days following the ex girlfriend breakup, you will need to carry on with the routines of your life.
But you will discover there is a void.
That part of your social life that was previously filled with your ex girlfriend, is missing.
You can’t walk around with that big hole in your life as it will constantly remind you of what you are missing.
So expand your circle of friends. Reach out to your family more often. Spend more time with your friends.
Engage with the world, even if you still feel the pain of separation from your ex.
If you don’t, it will be your downfall.
How do you do this?
I think you know.
But if you are looking for a few ideas, try signing up for new things…. experiences you have not tried before.
Meet new people.
Hang out with your friends, even when you don’t feel like it at first.
The inertia of friendship is an amazing thing. No matter how crappy and down in the dumps you feel as a result of not hearing a word from the ex gf…do not sulk…just get on with it.
Once you are with a friend or friends, you will swept up by their company. Your state of mind will move into a positive zone.
One other piece of important social advice.
When you are out and about and talking it up with others, absolutely do not discuss or get baited into discussing your ex.
13. Personal Interests – Expanding your social outreach
The real you is not going to just hang around the house and mope around.
You are bound to have some really interesting personal interests such as reading, cooking, playing pool, watching movies, or playing tennis.
Part of recovery is shaping your mind around old and new hobbies and other activities you enjoy.
The Idle Mind is the Devil’s Playground.
I strongly suggest you pick up at least one new hobby or activity and throw yourself into it.
I had one client who decided to open up his life to become a Big Brother.
There are lot of kids who do not have good role models in their life and so he decided to volunteer some of his time to a local chapter that helped under privileged kids connect with role models.
Sometimes to help yourself, you need to help others.
In the process of doing so, you discover something new about who your are.
You also become engaged with an activity that is constructive in positively shaping another person’s life.
This pursuit is the very same thing you are striving to accomplish with your ex gf.
As you see, there is a method to my teachings.
Help others…help yourself…and find that lane in life where you become the best version of who you can be.
If you ask me, these are all personal development experiences that will not go unnoticed by the people around you…maybe even your ex.
Indeed, we are going to make sure she notices!
14. Resume Casual Dating – Taking it slow
When I suggest personal developmental activities, it usually results in having multi faceted benefits.
I discussed earlier about thinking twice about immediately rushing into another serious relationship right after you and your ex-girlfriend call it splits.
But I do think that after some time has passed, it will likely prove advantageous for you to do some casual dating.
Obviously, one benefit is that if your ex gf finds out about your casual dating habits, it may actually work to your advantage (i.e. playing the jealousy card).
But if you re-enter the dating scene and it is surrounded with a lot of fanfare and juicy rumors, it may very well work against you.
So the better play is to keep it strictly casual and fun. Double date or go with a group somewhere.
Just getting out there in the dating world, accompanied by some friends, can do wonders for your self esteem and attitude, even if the date is just very casual.
But be careful not to get too caught up in the dating scene, because after all, your primary objective is to arouse some interest from your ex gf….not to anger her and cause the distance between the two of you to grow.
PHASE IV – Still Have Not Heard From Her – Little Steps Add Up to Big Moves
15.The Principle of “Being There” – Life is a State of Mind
Have you ever heard of the principle of “Being There”? So you are probably thinking, “what the devil does that mean”?
There is this amazing movie that was made some years ago, called “Being There”. It starred a guy named, Peter Sellers, who made some pretty amazing flicks such as “The Pink Panther” and “Dr. Strangelove”.
Well anyway, in this movie, “Being There”, Peter Sellers plays this guy whose name was Chance.
Chance was a gardener who worked at an old, rich man’s estate.
It turned out that Chance had no last name. He was just called Chance.
The old, rich guy had taken Chance in when he was a small, orphaned boy. Chance literally lived only within the walls of the mansion and his favorite pastime was watching television. He loved watching television and that was his portal to the outside world. And the only time he was allowed outside was to work in the garden.
Chance loved his garden and it was through that experience that he learned some valuable lessons about the world around him.
Well, early on in the movie, old rich man dies, leaving the estate in probate. The lawyers came and make poor old Chance (the Gardener) leave.
And for the first time in his life, Chance embraces the strange world outside of the mansion.
It is quite a movie to watch as everyone who Chance meets mistakens him for being someone who he is not.
He had that effect on people.
Chance was not a very bright man, but he had great insight into the importance of simplicity and staying on one’s true course in life.
Toward the end of the movie, Chance had met many people in the world from all walks of life, including the President of the United States.
Chance was even mistaken for being a great Economist because when he talked about working in his garden, he spoke in terms of seasons and growth.
“There will be growth in the Spring”, Chance told a gathering of movers and shakers.
Of course, Chance was talking about the growth of the plants in his old garden back at the mansion, but the power brokers thought he referred to economic growth and were very much buoyed by his optimism
That is all he needed to say to convince the political power brokers to nominate Chance for President of the United States as a new election was nearing.
The last shot of the movie reveals Chance, who was a simple and patient man, actually appearing to walk on water.
The last line of the movie was, “Life is a State of MInd”.
So what I want you to do is take a page from the Book of Chance.
Just as he taught, the pursuit of important and meaningful things (i.e. getting your ex-girlfriend to respond to you) is a series of little steps.
And like the garden analogy, which Chance explains masterfully in the movie, first you must plant the seeds (i.e. tactics), taking care to water and cultivate as needed.
Not all seeds will germinate, but you employ patience and continue to sow your seeds until eventually one or more of your seeds sprouts to reveal some growth.
This could take days, weeks, or months, but eventually there will be some growth from your efforts.
From there you nurture your plant, slowly and patiently.
That was the genius behind Chance.
He believed in the natural seasons of life.
Seasons of a Troubled Relationship
In our lives we go through different stages, just as there are seasons of a troubled relationship.
The Book of Chance teaches us that each Season (i.e. phase of the break-up and recovery process) is necessary.
We learn to let the Seasons play out….run their course.
Patience and faith are rewarded in the world of Chance the Gardener.
With the temperature break in the weather, first comes Fall.
This represents the plunging direction of the relationship with your ex.
Things are bad and are about to get worse.
Just as in the season of Fall, as the leaves turn in color and fall from high above, your relationship with your ex girlfriend can descend to lower depths .
With each passing day, relations with your ex girlfriend will grow colder and more frosty.
Then comes winter.
It is cold, harsh, and all growth comes to an end in this environment.
This is the period signaling the break-up with your girl.
Every effort you make to resume the relationship is met with cold resistance.
But this is not the time to lose hope.
As Chance advocated, “There will be growth in the Spring”.
Now, the winter period can last a long time.
But winter has it place in the recovery process.
For a tree to prosper, winter is a period where the energy of the tree is focused on its roots. This process is healthy for the tree and promotes growth in the long run.
You too can experience personal growth during the winter of your discontent.
Eventually, Spring comes into your life.
With Spring, you begin sowing some seeds. I think of these as strategies and tactics.
The No Contact Period is a developmental strategy.
The teachings I provide on how to initiate your “First Contact” messages is a tactic.
There are many other tactics (i.e. seeds you can sow).
With most gardens, there will be growth in the Spring. And in the Summer, the growth will bear fruit.
Such is the Wisdom of “Being There”!
16. “Social Network” – Leveraging your Social Media Resources
Your friends and social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter can be your “enablers”.
So what is an “Enabler”? It is defined as:
“a person or thing that makes something possible.”
These individuals and media platforms can be your co-conspirators as you hatch out your moves.
In many cases, the Phase III activities you have chosen to invest in (e.g. fitness, wealth, casual dating, etc) will be noticed by your ex.
It is unpredictable how your ex gf will respond to those efforts, but your friends can be coaxed to sprinkle out tidbits of information about you and the things you are now doing.
These little updates, when conveyed to your ex-girlfriend, will invariable work on her….if not consciously…certainly at the sub-conscious level.
Remember, no matter what your former girlfriend might tell herself on a conscious level, the subconscious is the ultimate truth machine.
It is there where the strong bond and connection you have with her (i.e. assuming the two of you were close before the break up) exists.
Studies reveal that it is mighty difficult for that bond to be completely severed.
The pics you post on social media sites will also most likely be noticed.
But a word of advice. Remember the lessons of “less is more” and “Being There” where you want to take little steps…little things add up to bigger things.
You certainly don’t want to make silly moves like blocking her out of revenge.
Nor do you want to post a pic of you laying a big fat kiss on some other gal.
Keep the images positive and upbeat.
Let your social profile reveal that your life is moving forward, but you need to strike a balance.
You don’t want her thinking you are out there partying it up and acting irresponsible.
And remember, it is likely she will be checking up on you via social media, irrespective of how ugly things may have gotten in the past.
My advice of taking things slow and keeping it positive also extends to your friends.
If they pass on little status updates about about you, it needs to come off as perfectly natural and not solicited by you.
And the updates should range from sounding neutral to slightly positive.
You don’t want your friends passing on negative information such as you complaining about how awful she treated you.
Indeed, it should be quite the opposite.
They should represent you as having never uttered a negative thing about your ex-girlfriend.
What you are doing is slowly working on her conscious and subconscious states of mind.
You are sowing seeds.
17. “Message in a Bottle” – Upping the Ante
Sometimes it pays to be a tiny bit bold.
And this tactic fits the bill.
If you have had no success in getting a response of any kind from your ex and you have tried all the tactics thus far discussed, then employ the Message in the Bottle strategy.
It is simple and straightforward. The risk is small, because after all, there is not much left to lose.
Indeed, this strategy mitigates much of the risk because of it’s creative and novel approach. It is intended to tickle her fancy.
Here is how it works.
You can go to one of those shops that deal in selling empty wine bottles.
They will even put a label on it for you.
Or you can just find an empty, clear wine bottle. It is important that the bottle is clear, so she can see the rolled up note you will put inside.
And that is the next step in the process. Find a piece of paper. It can be regular printing paper or you can get a nice, bordered piece of paper.
Write her a little note. Remember, “less is more”. It can say something like:
“It’s been awhile. Just thought I would drop you a line. Take good care now!”
“Seemed like a good idea to reach out. If you want, put in a new note and “pass it forward”. It might just make someone’s day!”
Once you have your message, place it in the bottle and cork it. Some of these little shops that deal with specialized gifts and crafts will actually cork and seal the bottle for you.
That is what I would do as it makes your bottle look even more unique. It will be readily apparent to your ex gf that you put a lot of thought and effort into it.
You can have the bottle placed into a small, protected box and mail it to her. Don’t give it to her and don’t have someone else deliver it to her. Just mail it. Everybody likes to open little packages.
You never know what might trigger your ex gf to finally reach out to you.
18. “War of the Roses” – A little spark of romance
We just really never know what will cause your young lady to respond to you after you have made numerous attempts through conventional methods.
So my thinking is if the conventional does not work …then go old fashioned.
Once again, bear in mind the principle that “less is more” if you give this a try.
Go buy a single rose.
Red will do, but if you know her favorite, then get that color.
Now, let’s talk about the note that will be with it. You could make it from Anonymous. Chances are that she will suspect it is from you which is what you want her to think.
Or you can write a little something on the note. But i would suggest you leave it unsigned. Again, she will very likely know it is from you.
Need some ideas? Here are a few:
“May this bring you a little ray of sunshine” (unsigned)
“I just wanted to tell you thank you for the precious memories” (unsigned)
19. “Back To The Future” – Creating a Special Thank You (make a website)
This idea may not be for everyone, but everyone out there could definitely pull it off.
When I asked my wife to marry me, I created an elaborate experience for her. It involved lot of stuff and I won’t bore you with all the details, but one of the things I did was create a special little website just for her.
It does not cost much to purchase a unique domain name ($3.99) and you can get a hosting account for $6.99/month or less.
You can use WordPress to set up the website or work with one of those companies that will assist you in setting up the site.
If you keep it simple, you can do all of the work yourself. Maybe you have a friend or a friend knows someone that could help you out.
What you would want to do is create a website for your Ex.
Use her name as the domain name. The website would be a big Thank You for all the good memories you have had with her.
You can upload and post a few Pictures. You can write a little story recapping how much your appreciate her.
Be sure that whatever you post on the site is not going to create privacy issues or embarrass her.
The idea is to impress her with your thoughtfulness and hopefully the pics will resonate.
Keep it simple. Just a few pics.
You are not trying to create an entire story of your times with her.
That will be too much.
Your aim is to try to stimulate a response from her.
It should represent a digital Thank You Card with a few pics and words of appreciation. It is meant to represent a classy gesture.
So sometimes, you have to travel back to the past in order to positively affect an outcome in the future…just like what Marty did in the movie, “Back to the Future”
Now let’s talk about how you want her to find out about it.
There are many, many millions of websites. So she will not just stumble over it, unless she is doing a Google search using the exact name of the domain.
What I would suggest is instead of emailing or texting her the link (as she may not ignore those efforts)…..have a friend pass on the link (i.e. website’s url).
20. “The Batman Effect” – Using the Thrill Factor
This strategy can be a very effective tactic in the early stages of the meet up.
I know..I know…I know. You may still be working at getting her to just respond to you. But I am thinking ahead here!
A lot of my clients get as far as the meet up. They arrange to have a non threatening, low key, low pressure meet up and it it usually goes OK. But often them come back to me reporting that there really were no sparks.
What do they do next?
In such a situation you may only have one more shot on goal.
What I advise to my clients is to use the Batman Effect to their advantage.
Ideally, you can employ this effect in the first or even second meet-up with great results.
Ok…here is how it works. And yes, once again, science will be on your side.
The dark knight was constantly chasing thrill after thrill.
When he was Bruce Wayne, he was a rather dull, superficial playboy, unable to form any lasting bonds with women.
But when he became Batman, the women around him were fascinated and drawn to him like a magnet.
Why do the women love Batman?
People are attracted to the the thrill.
They want to experience something exciting, thrilling, even somewhat frightful so long as there are boundaries.
For example, walking through a haunted house can be fun, exciting, thrilling, and a bit scary.
Riding on a roller coaster can really get the juices flowing.
I once took my wife up in a big hot air balloon and we were both found the entire experience to be thrilling and fulfilling in many ways.
Something wonderful happens to our brain when we get all excited.
Essentially we get all juiced up, but in a natural way.
This chemical bath we end up experiencing is triggered by hormones that are released (oxytocin) which causes a profound desire to bond.
This is what you are counting on. You want your girlfriend to take a chemical hormone bath of the brain.
This is what you can do to strengthen the connection.
Now, don’t go out and don a Batman suit. That is not quite what I had in mind.
But I am sure you can engineer an outing with your ex gf (along with some friends to play it safe) such that the two of you experience one of the thrills of your life.
21. “Castaway” – Go Missing – Sort of – On Purpose
Now this strategy is a bit tricky to pull off properly I must admit.
But I have seen it work.
What you want to create in your ex girlfriend’s mind is this sense that your are gone and no one seems to know where you are.
Now, I am not suggesting you go off to an island and make friends with a soccer ball, called Watson.
But with a little help from your friends, you can create this little drama of you being gone.
Careful you don’t overplay your hand.
If it is laid on too thick, the Ex may see right through your gambit.
Or, if too much worry and consternation is attached to you “being gone”, then you could end up scaring your ex gf.
That is NOT what you want to accomplish, because you will have hell to pay when she catches wind that you set her up for an emotional roller coaster ride.
What you want to see happen is over time (i.e.g a few days up to a week) your ex girlfriend begins to slowly wonder where you are off to.
You want her to think many things about where you are and what you are doing.
That is the emotional edge of curiosity your are trying to ferret out to get her curiosity aroused to a higher level.
You can use friends to gently make inquiries of her about whether she has heard from you.
This needs to be spread out over several days to be most effective.
Remember, you are not trying to scare her into checking up on you.
Rather, you are trying to slowly arouse her curiosity through the use of subtle inquiries instigated by your absence and posse of friends.
In effect your are trying to grease the emotional skids and just maybe you might ferret out a response from your Ex.
22. “The Goodbye Girl” – It’s Time to Say Farewell (Not Really)
With this strategy, you are hoping to appeal to your ex girlfriend’s good sentiments to meet you halfway.
While this is not a last ditched effort, we are getting close to the end of the game.
I consider this a binary event, which is essentially something you try that either immediately fails or possibly pays dividends.
It is something you would typically try after a long spell of No Contact, followed by some failed efforts to resume communication.
So instead of throwing in the towel, you make another effort.
First you need to reinstitute No Contact (2nd Effort) for several weeks, then out of the blue, you send her an email extending an offer.
Don’t try to communicate your intentions by text, because what you have to say is too long.
What you want to convey is that you are extremely thankful for all the good things she has done for you.
You tell her you simply want to say a final goodbye to your ex gf in person. You explain there is not a trick, nor any attempt for drama.
Given all that you have both invested into the relationship, explain that you simply want to meet with her in a social, non threatening setting in order to personally thank her for the enriching experiences she provided to you.
To help ward off her natural hesitation to meeting with you, explain that the meet-up need only last a minute at most.
Tell her she can bring a friend if it makes her feel more comfortable. Tell her she has your complete and honorable commitment that you will live up to what you have described in your communication.
Now the ball is her court.
You have nothing to lose.
You are counting on the emotion of a “final goodbye” to wedge itself in such that if she still has feelings for you, they will be revealed to her in that moment.
Even if it does not work in the short run, it could work in the mid or long run.
She is aware you made the classy gesture. Sometimes these things take time. You plant a seed. It may take many weeks or months to grow.
Handle everything with kindness and patience.
If she declines, respond in “brief” that you completely understand and tell her Thank You for even considering your gesture (call her by name).
You have sowed another seed.
PHASE V – When You Think You Have Tried Everything
23. The Great Ex GF Escape – Consider you may be much better off without her
Despite all of your best efforts and after turning over every stone in the field, you are left with contemplating what your future holds.
There is this wise little fellow I like to quote. He said that, “The future is always moving”.
It is meant to be taken as a piece of philosophy but in reality it is predicated on quantum physics.
Our futures are unknown to us, yet we can take steps to shape them. While we don’t have full control of the outcomes of our lives, we do exert a great deal of influence.
So you can either float around like a feather and allow the winds of randomness just buffet you around.
Or you can take affirmative steps and go forward in your life without the girlfriend you once thought was the love of your life.
Trust me…there is plenty of love out there.
There are plenty of opportunities for you to give and receive this love.
24. “The Lighthouse” – Moving on up. Your tomorrows are full of promise.
You have moved on up through the Value Chain, employing all the strategies and tactics that I have shared with you.
Yet still no results.
Sometimes it is not meant to be.
Resign yourself to putting your Ex on a perpetual No Contact Period.
At this stage, the ball is totally in her court.
You have not left any stones unturned.
Consider this last tactic a Beacon.
You are there…she knows how to reach out to you.
You have not blocked her on any social media platforms. You might just hear from her.
After all, you made many efforts.
But let me be very clear on my next point.
You are NOT to put your life on hold, waiting for her to possibly someday contact you.
You cannot look backward any longer. At this stage, you need to operate on the firm belief that you will NEVER hear from her again.
You need to move forward.
And if miraculously, you later hear back from your ex girlfriend, many months or years later, I want you to think long and hard about whether you want her back in your life.
25. Deepen Your Knowledge with Ex Girlfriend Recovery Pro
There is only so much I can cover in my website posts.
This post and the Training Module that is included within the post is not anywhere near as comprehensive as my core e-book product which walks you through the entire process of getting your Ex back.
So when I talk about not leaving one stone unturned…well you best take a look at this popular resource that I personally developed for guys struggling to win back their ex-girlfriend.