By Chris Seiter

Published on January 9th, 2024

Imagine the scenario: you’re going about your day, and suddenly, there she is – your ex-girlfriend. The moment your eyes meet, a familiar jolt of attraction surges through you. It’s like a flashback to all the good times, the intimacy, the laughter. It’s a whirlwind of emotion that leaves you both excited and bewildered. Why does this happen? Why, after all this time and despite the reasons you parted ways, does she still have this effect on you?

This is a common experience for many. The complex tapestry of human emotions doesn’t unravel easily, and sexual attraction, in particular, can be stubbornly persistent. It’s important to understand that this is a natural reaction. Our brains are wired to respond to familiar stimuli, and when it comes to someone you’ve been intimate with, that response can be even more pronounced.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

Take the quiz

But here’s the crux of the matter: just because you feel this way doesn’t mean you should act on it. Navigating these feelings responsibly is key to your emotional well-being. It’s about striking a balance between acknowledging your feelings and making choices that align with your long-term happiness and emotional health.

Let’s explore the reasons behind this enduring attraction and discuss practical strategies for managing these feelings. Whether it’s dealing with a sudden surge of emotions, wrestling with the idea of kick starting the romance, or simply trying to move on,  you are going to be in a much better place if you understand more about your feelings and how to act on them.

My Ex Girlfriend Still Turns Me On Sexually: Dealing With Your Desires

1. Why Are Your Turned On By Your Ex?

Firstly, why are you still sexually attracted to your ex?  Unpacking the reasons behind your continued sexual attraction to your ex can be complex and multifaceted. Let’s delve deeper into what is going on in your mind and body.

  1. Familiarity and Comfort: There’s a certain comfort in familiarity that can be incredibly powerful. The human brain is wired to gravitate towards what it knows. When it comes to an ex, your body and mind remember the intimate moments, the warmth, and the closeness you shared. This isn’t just about physical attraction; it’s about the comfort and security you once felt in their presence. That sense of familiarity can trigger a strong physical response, even if the rational part of your brain knows the relationship is over.
  2. Unresolved Feelings: Emotional connections don’t come with an off switch. If your breakup was recent or if there were unresolved issues, these lingering emotions could be contributing to your continued attraction. It’s a mix of nostalgia, affection, and perhaps a longing for what was lost. Sometimes, this emotional cocktail can manifest itself as physical desire, blurring the lines between past affection and current attraction.
  3. Idealization Post-Breakup: It’s human nature to don rose-colored glasses when looking back at past relationships. This idealization can be especially strong if you’re feeling lonely or haven’t found a new connection that matches the intensity of your past relationship. You might find yourself focusing only on the good parts – the laughter, the chemistry, the passion – and conveniently forgetting the challenges and issues that led to the breakup. This selective memory can amplify your physical attraction to your ex, making it seem more intense than it really is.
  4. Physical Chemistry: Physical attraction can be one of the most challenging aspects to overcome post-breakup. It’s based on a deep-seated, primal response that often defies logic. You might still find your ex physically irresistible because that element of your relationship was particularly strong and fulfilling. This kind of chemistry doesn’t necessarily diminish just because the relationship has ended. In fact, it can sometimes feel even more intense due to its forbidden nature.

2. To Sleep or Not to Sleep with Your Ex?

Deciding whether or not to act on sexual feelings for an ex is a dilemma that many face post-breakup. While the temptation can be strong, especially when faced with unresolved emotions and physical attraction, there are significant reasons why pursuing a sexual relationship with an ex might complicate things further.  For starters, if you want your ex back, you really should follow the advice of your Breakup Coach and your Game Plan. So in most instances you should not have sex with your ex.  Here are the underlying reasons:

  1. Emotional Complications: Engaging in a sexual relationship with an ex often leads to emotional entanglement. It’s not just about the physical act; it’s about the feelings and memories that come rushing back. This can create a confusing scenario where it’s difficult to distinguish between a genuine desire for reconciliation and a momentary lapse of judgment fueled by physical desire. If you and your ex are not on the same emotional page, this can lead to misunderstanding, hurt feelings, and a re-opening of old wounds.
  2. Hindrance to Moving On: One of the key aspects of getting over a breakup is moving forward and healing. Sleeping with your ex can significantly hinder this process. It can keep you anchored to your past, making it challenging to emotionally detach and move on. It’s like taking a step back every time you’re trying to move forward. This can prolong the healing process and make it more painful in the long run.
  3. False Hope: Sleeping with an ex can sometimes give rise to false hope of getting back together. It’s easy to misinterpret the intimacy of sex as a sign that the relationship is rekindling. However, if the fundamental issues that led to the breakup are still unresolved, this hope can quickly turn into disappointment. It creates a cycle of highs and lows, with each encounter potentially leading to more confusion about the future of the relationship.
  4. Risk of Repeating Patterns: The issues that led to the breakup haven’t magically disappeared. By choosing to engage in a sexual relationship with your ex, you risk falling back into the same patterns that may have contributed to the breakup in the first place. This cycle can be damaging and prevent both parties from learning from past mistakes and growing as individuals. It adds complexity to an already complicated situation, making it harder to establish clear boundaries and expectations.
  5. Emotional Dependency: There’s also the risk of developing an emotional dependency. This form of reliance can be particularly unhealthy, as it prevents both parties from seeking happiness and fulfillment outside of the relationship. It can become a crutch, where the sexual connection is used to avoid facing the deeper, more painful aspects of the breakup.
  6. Impact on Future Relationships: Engaging in sexual relationships with an ex can also impact future relationships. It can create a pattern of comparison, where new partners are weighed against the intimacy shared with an ex. This can hinder the ability to form deep, meaningful connections with new people.

In conclusion, while the immediate gratification of sleeping with an ex might seem appealing, the long-term emotional and psychological consequences are often not worth it, not to mention the risk of throwing a monkey bar into your Ex Recovery Game Plan.

3. Managing Sexual Feelings for Your Ex

Feeling turned on by your ex is natural, but managing these feelings constructively is crucial. Here’s what you can do:

  1.  Acknowledge, But Don’t Act: The first step is to acknowledge your feelings without judgment. It’s completely normal to still feel attracted to someone you had a close and intimate relationship with. However, acting on these feelings can often lead to more confusion and complications. Recognize these feelings for what they are – a natural response to a past connection – but also understand that not all feelings need to be acted upon, especially when they might lead to negative consequences.
  2. Redirect Your Energy: Channeling your energy into positive and healthy activities is a great way to manage sexual feelings. Engaging in physical activities like working out, running, or playing a sport can not only help in redirecting this energy but also boost your endorphins, improving your mood and overall well-being. Diving into hobbies or learning something new can also occupy your mind and help shift your focus from your ex to something productive and fulfilling.
  3. Reflect on the Whole Relationship: It’s easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment and forget why the relationship ended. Take time to reflect on the entire relationship, not just the good parts. Remember the reasons that led to the breakup. This can help you see the bigger picture and reinforce why moving on might be the best decision.
  4. Seek Emotional Closure: Sometimes, lingering sexual feelings are a sign of a lack of closure. Seeking emotional closure is an important step in moving on. This could mean having a final, honest conversation with your ex, if appropriate, or working through your emotions with a therapist or a breakup coach. Processing these feelings can help you find peace and closure, reducing the intensity of these sexual feelings over time.
  5. Stay Social and Connected: Spending time with friends and engaging in social activities can provide a much-needed distraction and support system. Social interactions can help take your mind off your ex and remind you of the joys and possibilities of single life. They also provide a platform for emotional support and advice from people who care about your well-being.
  6. Consider Casual Dating: If you feel ready, exploring the dating scene casually can be a healthy way to move on. It can remind you that there are other people with whom you can share a connection and chemistry. However, it’s important to ensure that you are emotionally ready for this step and not using it as a means to simply distract yourself from your feelings for your ex.

4. What Does Your Ex Recovery Game Plan Say About Being Turned On By Your Ex

If you’re working with a breakup coach, you likely have an ‘Ex Recovery Game Plan’. Here’s why sticking to it is important:

  • Focus on Long-Term Goals: The game plan is designed to help you heal and maybe even build a new, healthier relationship with your ex. Sleeping with them can derail this process.
  • Avoid Repeating Mistakes: The plan likely addresses the mistakes made in the relationship. Going back to old patterns, like jumping into bed at the first sign of attraction, can undo this work.
  • Maintain Your Dignity and Self-Respect: Sticking to the plan is also about maintaining your self-respect. It shows you’re committed to doing what’s best for you, not just what feels good in the moment.

The Expert’s Corner:

Insider Insights From Chris Seiter:  8 FAQs About “My Ex Girlfriend Still Turns Me On Sexually”

  1. Why am I still sexually attracted to my ex-girlfriend?
    • Sexual attraction to an ex can linger due to familiarity, unresolved feelings, idealization of the past relationship, and inherent physical chemistry. It’s a natural response of your body and emotions to someone you were once intimately connected with.
  2. Is it normal to feel turned on by my ex?
    • Yes, it’s perfectly normal. Physical attraction, especially when it’s intertwined with past emotional connections, can persist long after the relationship has ended. It’s a common human experience.
  3. Should I act on these sexual feelings towards my ex?
    • Acting on these feelings is generally not advised. It can lead to emotional complications, hinder the healing process, give rise to false hope, and potentially re-initiate unhealthy patterns from your past relationship.
  4. What can I do to manage these feelings?
    • Acknowledge your feelings but choose not to act on them. Redirect your energy into healthy outlets like exercise, hobbies, or socializing. Reflect on the entirety of the relationship, including the reasons for the breakup, and seek emotional closure.
  5. Can having sex with my ex help in getting closure?
    • In most cases, no. Sex with an ex can actually complicate the process of getting closure by reigniting emotions and creating confusion. True closure usually comes from emotional processing, not physical intimacy.
  6. What if my ex wants to sleep with me?
    • If your ex proposes sleeping together, consider the potential emotional ramifications. It’s important to communicate clearly about your boundaries and the reasons why it might not be a good idea, focusing on the need for emotional healing and moving forward in a more strategic way.
  7. How can I stop fantasizing about my ex?
    • Redirect your thoughts when you start fantasizing. Engage in activities that require your full attention. Practicing mindfulness and focusing on your personal growth can also help shift your focus away from these fantasies.
  8. Is it a good idea to date someone new to get over these feelings?
    • Dating someone new can be a healthy step forward if you feel ready. However, ensure that you’re not using it as a mere distraction from your feelings towards your ex. It’s important to be emotionally available and fair to the new person you’re dating.
  9. Could these sexual feelings mean we should get back together?
    • Sexual feelings alone aren’t a sufficient basis for rekindling a relationship. It’s important to consider the relationship as a whole, including the reasons why it ended. Effective communication and mutual understanding of what both parties want and need are essential before considering getting back together.

Final Thoughts

Feeling sexually attracted to your ex is a common and natural response. However, acting on these feelings can complicate your emotional healing and impede your progress in moving on.

By acknowledging your feelings, redirecting your energy into positive activities, and sticking to your ex recovery plan, you can navigate these complex emotions in a healthy way.

Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to feel attracted to your ex. What matters is how you handle these feelings and the choices you make moving forward.



Disclosure: I am the Author and Creator of this content. My aim is to provide you with original, well structured and authoritative content about this ex recovery topic utilizing my experience and expertise. I have endeavored to produce content that is high quality, relevant, informative, accurate, and reliable. In doing so, I have used an AI tool to some extent to assist me in generating useful content for my readers. This assistance may include topic research, the development of outline structures, phraseology for titles and headings, content curation, narrative expansion, grammar usage, and optimizing readability. All of this is done for the purpose of adding value to the post that I have produced. I personally “proof” every quality post I write for accuracy, completeness, textual flow, fine-tuning purposes, inclusion of relevant media, and inclusion of helpful internal links to further assist the reader. I do not allow for any 3rd party advertising that would muddy up my content or distract my readers.

Signed By Yours Truly, Chris Seiter, Founder of Ex Boyfriend & Ex Girlfriend Recovery.	

Related Articles