One of the top topics men search for online after a break-up is “How to get my ex-girlfriend back when she is seeing someone”.
In fact it’s actually more common for a man to google how to fix a break-up than for a woman! I believe this is a key differential between the sexes; men want a definitive plan and woman lead with intuition.
To help address this, I have decided to tackle the issue of the “New guy” and teach you a new technique that you can use to win your exgirlfriend back.
We will be covering the following topics:
The odds of getting back together with your ex-girlfriend
The “being there” method
Boyfriend 2.0, “The Alpha Male”
Regardless of whether your ex cheated on you, is in a rebound relationship or a long time has passed since the breakup and she is moving on with someone new there is still a chance of winning your ex back, so let’s get started!
Weighing The Odds
Looking at the odds of getting back together with your ex-girlfriend you’ll come to realize that the chances of you getting your ex back are greatly affected by two main elements.
The first element is you! This is great news because it means you are in control of this factor. All you need to do is remain calm and follow the steps outlined in the second half of the article and you will have everything in hand.
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The second element is the “New Guy” and how he appeared on the scene. To make this easier for you I will break this down into sections and we will deal with each scenario in turn.
She Dumped You For Him
If this is the case, I have to start by saying I feel for you man.
Cheating is the worst and it can shatter your confidence. If you are here because you still want your ex-girlfriend back then I commend you because that takes a lot of courage.
If your ex broke up with you for another guy this generally means she was cheating physically or at least emotionally by flirting secretly behind your back. There are a lot of reasons an ex-girlfriend might cheat on you but the main ones are as follows:
- The attraction faded
- She wanted more attention
- She was bored in the relationship
- You cheated on her first
- She lost respect for you as a man
- She is a habitual cheater
When your ex leaves you for someone else i`t can feel like there is no chance of getting your ex-girlfriend back but surprisingly your chances are about average.
This is because when a woman leaves a relationship for a new guy she has in her head a romantic vision of what the situation is going to be like. She is used to the excitement of secrecy and expects the new guy to be romantic but that often doesn’t happen. I know of many stories where a girl has left her boyfriend or husband for their secret lover only to find that the guy isn’t as exciting in real life. Once your ex realises the New Guy isn’t that great she will start to miss you and wish she hadn’t left your side.
She Went Back to Her Ex
This occurs for one of three reasons. The first two are difficult to recover from, the last reason you should refer to the section after this.
- You were your ex-girlfriend’s rebound relationship
- She was cheating on her ex with you
- She is on a rebound and has gone back to an old flame
If you aren’t sure if you were a rebound relationship, have a think about the amount of time that had elapsed from when her previous relationship ended and when you stated dating. If this time period was less than a couple of months then it is likely that your ex-girlfriend was on a rebound.
It is also worth considering the amount of time they were together, if she and her ex were only together a few weeks then it’s unlikely that she returned to him because of feelings of love. If they weren’t together long you might want to think of it as a relationship of convenience as a way to tackle her loneliness after the breakup
Your chances of getting your ex-girlfriend back if they were together a reasonable amount of time and she was either cheating with you or was on a rebound are low I am afraid. It’s not an impossible situation but it is certainly a lower chance than average.
It’s a Rebound
If your ex-girlfriend has started a relationship within a few weeks of your break-up then it is probably a rebound. A rebound boyfriend is a way for your ex-girlfriend to distract herself from the feelings of loneliness and sadness she is experiencing caused by the breakup as it temporarily makes your ex-girlfriend feel better.
A girl can rebound with a new guy, but it is also quite common for a woman return to a former boyfriend out of convenience after she breaks up with you. The reason this happens is because it is easier and faster to rekindle a relationship with someone she has dated previously than it is to find someone new.
There are a few reasons an ex-girlfriend might race into a rebound relationship after a breakup:
- To hide her feelings of loneliness
- To lift her spirits after the breakup
- To make you jealous
Rebound relationships are generally short-lived and burn out very quickly. This is because the longer your ex-girlfriend stays in a rebound relationship the more she begins to realize that the New Guy doesn’t match up to you. As time progresses his inadequacies will annoy her, the constant comparisons between you and him will tear their relationship apart and eventually she will come back to you.
She was Single for a While First
This last reason applies if you and your ex-girlfriend broke up several months ago and she has only now started dating. If this is the case, then I would not class this as a rebound relationship as quite a bit of time has passed for you both.
It is still possible to win your ex back even if months or years have passed since the breakup and in some ways, it can be easier as she will not remember all the reasons you shouldn’t be together. Instead you will be able to impress her with how great you are and provide her with fresh reasons you should be together.
The chance that their relationship will last forever is between 10-11% and the chance that she will still speak to you after they break up are about 50%. Which means overall your chances aren’t as bad as you think.
The “Being There” Method
The technique I want to teach you about is called the “Being There” method, and is the best way to handle your ex whilst there is a New Guy on the scene.
You would still undertake a period of no-contact and work on improving yourself as per the normal Ex-Girlfriend Recovery process. You would continue posting to social media but during the texting, phone call and meet up phase you will apply the “Being There” method.
So what exactly is the Being There Method?
The Being There method is a way to remain a constant presence in your ex’s life whilst she is dating the New Guy. This constant presence will make it very difficult for your ex to properly get over you and move on with this new guy. The fact that you and your ex are in regular communication will make the New Guy feel very uneasy about the situation.
Just put yourself in his shoes, if you were dating a girl who was always chatting with her ex-boyfriend, wouldn’t you feel nervous?
Over time the New Guy will start to question where he stands with her and they will start to fight regularly about it and this will in turn lead to a breakup.
Good ways to ensure you are constantly present in your ex’s life include:
- Sending her links to websites that you know she will love.
- Texting her funny jokes.
- Being a supportive shoulder to cry on when her New Guy is being lame.
- Liking her pictures on Facebook or Instagram.
- Ask her to go shopping to help you pick clothes.
When you are applying the Being There Method you are going to make sure you are always upbeat and friendly in a non-threatening way.
You want to avoid giving your ex-girlfriend a reason to block you. Don’t be flirtatious or overstep any boundaries as this will give the New Guy a solid justification to make her delete you. Your aim is not to steal her away from the New Guy but to patiently wait for the relationship to end so you can swoop in and claim her.
The key to being there is to make your efforts seem as innocent as possible, in doing so the New Guys resentment of you will seem unjustified and unreasonable to her. Your ex-girlfriend is going to start thinking her New Guy is prone to jealousy and overreacts a lot, both of these qualities are a total turn off for a woman. At best, she will quickly lose interest in him, at worst they will start to argue about you a lot and then breakup.
One thing you should prepare yourself for when interacting with your ex is the inevitable talk about her new guy. You need to let your ex-girlfriend feel like it is ok to share her life with you as this will draw you closer together; a big part of this is understanding her life right now and that includes hearing about her new relationship.
If your ex starts talking about the new guy, try to remain calm and not to loose your temper. I know it sucks hearing how fantastic another guy is but arguing with her will damage your chances with her.
Boyfriend 2.0, “The Alpha Male”
I mentioned earlier that a massive factor in winning your ex-girlfriend back is you. I want to tell you that you have the ability to greatly influence your success rates whilst applying the Being There method by striving to become Boyfriend version 2.0, also known as the “Alpha Male”.
I describe it as Boyfriend 2.0 to draw parallels with a software upgrade because that’s exactly what you are going to do, replace the old outdated version of you with a newer, cooler, more desirable version that women want. You are literally going to upgrade yourself and become the Alpha Male.
An Alpha Male is a man who is confident, good looking, a winner, rich and successful…. In short he is desirable to women!
The Alpha Male is the Brad Pitt of guys, he has the hottest wife, he’s got tons of money, he has a cool job, he’s good looking and basically has the perfect life.
If you want to model yourself after someone, try and use him as an example.
To become the Alpha Male there are three key areas you need to focus on:
- Looking good
- Having a life
- Getting rich
To recapture your ex-girlfriend’s attention you need to give her a fear of missing out on the new and improved version of you whilst she is dating her distinctly average New Guy.
The first thing you need to work on is looking good. Look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if you should be looking to tone up again? Do your have acne problems you could fix? Does your hair need a cut? Have you been wearing the same clothes for ten years? If the answer is yes to any of these then it’s time to improve yourself and the way you look.
The next step in becoming an Alpha Male is to get a life. The Alpha Male is funny, popular, interesting, and a challenge to women. The only way you can become the Alpha Male is to become more social with both your other guy friends and with other women.
The best thing you can do whilst you are single, is to actually enjoy being single.
Talk to new girls and go out on dates; not only will this boost your confidence but it will make your ex very jealous of all the new attention you are getting.
The final step to becoming the alpha male is to get rich.
One of my favorite albums of all time is “Get Rich or Die Tryin'”. That is kind of the spirit you need to embrace. Whilst your ex doesn’t need you to become a millionaire, you should be striving towards being more successful. Aim for that new qualification, get that promotion, land that new job!
Women love a man who is successful, it is a hugely attractive quality. It conveys not only that a man is wealthy but also that he is capable of organizing his life and has determination.
The Take Away
Getting your ex-girlfriend back when she is seeing someone new is going to be tough. I won’t sugarcoat the situation and say that your chances are as good as they would be if she were single but I can assure you that you do still have a chance. On Ex-Girlfriend Recovery we have plenty of examples of men whose exes were dating someone new and they still got back together, so you should definitely try to maintain a positive outlook.
This article has given you a great guilt-free technique you can use to win your ex back. With the being there method you are simply going to remain a positive influence in your ex-girlfriends life so that when she eventually breaks-up with the New Guy you can comfort her and win her back, something that is going to be so much easier when she sees you have become the Alpha Male. It will be so tough for her to resist the combination of a supportive ex-boyfriend who has transformed into a new attractive, popular, more successful guy!